“Pretty Little Liars” recap (2.23) — The Jenna Thing’s New Eyeball Thing

 
 

Maya emails Emily and says the saddest, truest thing: The risk you take when you start over with someone is that the tidy, beautiful ending you had last time isn’t in effect anymore. That candlelit slow dance and the whispered promises of never forgetting. They could have had that and the hopeful wonder of what could have been. But they tried again and it ended with messy, complicated certainty. Now they know. And that candlelight was just another stop on the road to here.

That’s seriously heartbreaking and if it hadn’t happened to me at least three times in my life, well, I probably wouldn’t be weeping openly like an Ezbian watching Fried Green Tomatoes.

Veronica skulks back into the kitchen and you can tell by the look on her face that she can still sniff the remnants of her husband’s bastard about the place. The culprit: That bag of Alison’s shit. His scent is all over it. She tells Spencer to fill it up with newspaper and twigs and various other kindling, take it over to Jason’s, drop it on the back porch, and light it the hell on fire. Spencer says, “I’m not going to burn my brother alive, mother.” And Veronica goes, “No? How about your sister, then? Because I’m pretty sure she killed Alison.”

Ella and Byron have a fight that goes like this:

Byron: Where’s my shotgun? I’m going to put a bullet through Ezra Fitz’s head the way Melissa Hastings did to Alison.
Ella: For starters, if you pulled the trigger on a shotgun, it would literally knock you back into last week.
Byron: I motherf–king defy you to find a person more horrible than me.
Ella: I cannot. Even in this town of serial killers and rapists.
Byron: Look at you! You’re sending so many mixed signals!
Ella: OK, how about this for a signal?

She knees him in the babymaker, smashes his head against the refrigerator, pours herself a glass of wine, and settles in for some DVRed Oprah.

Hanna goes over to Jason’s to retrieve Ali’s bag of clues and crap after she and Spencer realize the newspaper the doll parts were wrapped in contains a secret code. But as soon as she hoists the bag onto the shoulder, she hears a KABLANG! and Jenna’s face smashes itself against the backdoor window, hangs there for like three solid seconds, and then falls to the floor. Having slapped that very face with her very hand once before, Hanna recognizes it, and like the superhero she is, rushes in and drags Jenna from the burning building. Spencer shows up in time to help a little bit. Enough to get GLASS IN HER HAND. And then the house EXPLODES. This show!

At the hospital, Jenna wakes up gasping for air and positively flailing around looking for her sunglasses, her one un-patched eyeball just lolling around in its socket and scaring the ever loving shit out of me. Toby puts her sunglasses on her face and she immediately starts explaining that Jason texted her so she took a cab like across the road to his house, but as soon as she got inside flames started licking her face and she thought to herself, “Here we go again.” Toby goes, “Well, you forgot the part where Hanna Marin saved your life, but the rest sounds Rosewood-plausible.”

Wren, of course, is taking care of all the patients from the explosion as well as all the patients from everywhere. While he is plucking glass from Spencer’s hand he asks if she wants to agree that they didn’t make out when she was at her absolute drunkest and her voice was at its absolute sexiest. She says she wouldn’t have denied the viewers any of that, so no, they don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen. Which is good because I won’t pretend it didn’t happen and you can’t make me.

In the waiting room, Emily dimes out Maya, Jason and Veronica share a very sweet moment, Hanna cheerfully explains to her mom that dodging an explosion’s got nothing on getting mowed down by an automobile, and JennaBot summons the Liars for a meeting.

At first they think she’s accusing them of blowing her up again, and they all protest wildly and loudly about how two of them saved her, and the other two were flying an airplane and nursing a broken heart at the time. Jenna starts crying. Really, really crying. And it is terrifying. And it is beautiful. And it is perfect. Just like this show, all three of those things. Jenna says she doesn’t think they set her on fire this time, and then she asks Hanna to stay behind. She’s like, “Why did you save my life?” And Hanna’s like, “‘Cause that’s what I do.”

The Liars pick up a couple of pints of Ben & Jerrys and head on over to Spencer’s to do some post-traumatic Scoobying. The Liars are like, “Man, ‘A’ really almost killed Jenna, which is weird, because we still kind of thought “A” was Jenna. Unless Jenna is trolling herself like maybe Maya is trolling herself. Maya could have tried to kill Jenna to get her back for stealing Noel and hurting Toby. Or Garrett could have tried to kill Jenna for leaving him. Or Melissa could have tried to kill Jenna while framing Garrett, which would get rid of both of them and also destroy all of her connections to NAT Club. Or it could have been Noel Kahn because he didn’t know how to break up with her.”

I’m just kidding. They don’t say any of that. They eat their ice cream and read through those newspapers and toss out a postcard which is clearly the key to the code and think about how fun it would have been to attend the concert circled in red ink on one of the newspapers.

The Risen Mitten plants Garrett’s police badge in the garden in the DiLauretis’ backyard, where it will grow into a beanstalk which the Liars will climb and ascend into heaven so they can finally ask Alison who killed her.

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