“Pretty Little Liars” recap (2.23) — The Jenna Thing’s New Eyeball Thing

Aria stops by Spencer’s, where she and Emily are going through another duffel bag of Alison’s mysteries, to let them know Duncan is going to fly her into the air in a plane made out of tin cans with a pilot’s license he got from a gumball machine when he was sixteen. Emily and Spencer both go, “Sounds safe” with no irony at all again, and get back to their spreadsheet: ShitAlisonHid.xls. When you add this bag of stuff to then seventy other bags of stuff, the music box count is 35 and the disembodied doll parts count is infinity. When Mrs. Hastings walks in and sees Jason sitting in her kitchen, she pulls a gun out of her pantsuit and blows his brains out.

Aria just gets on inside that plane with Duncan and fastens her seatbelt and folds her hands in her lap and waits for the flight attendants to come around with the pretzels and the peanuts. Oh, but wait. There are no flight attendants. Or pretzels or peanuts. Because Aria is in a toy airplane with a complete stranger whom she met outside a store with babydoll kidneys hanging in the window wearing the coat of the dead alter-ego of her dead best friend. OK. That’s what Aria is doing right now. It’s like the regular lack of self-preservation the Liars exhibit multiplied by a 30,000 foot parachute-less fall to the earth. “A” doesn’t need to torture Aria. Aria tortures Aria enough for everyone.

Once they’re far enough into the night sky to ensure that a plummet back to earth would certainly kill them both, Duncan forces Aria to fly the plane while her interrogates her about Ali’s death. He goes, “It may appear that I was unconcerned about Alison DiLaurentis’ welfare based on the following facts: After meeting with Alison on the day she died, I acknowledged to myself that she was acting even more squirrely than usual. Which makes sense since I used to fly her around in my airplane while she talked to me about getting stalked and tortured and also about how you write 100 pages a day in your diary. And yet, knowing all of these things as I did, I disappeared from her life for over a year and never even noticed her Facebook status was ‘dead.’” Aria’s just like, “Aww, she talked about me?” Duncan goes, “Yes. Also, I let flew her from Hilton Head to Rosewood that fateful day she met her demise.”

Aria’s does some quick aeronautical math and realizes Ali had a seven-hour cushion of time in which to take land this plane on her own, take the train to Philly to visit Jenna in the blind hospital, make a sex tape with Ian, borrow Toby’s red sweater, put a flashdrive in a lunchbox inside a storage building and then hide the key in a snow globe and deliver it to Emily, threaten Spencer, cull together a sleepover for the Liars, and … am I forgetting anything? This is made even more impressive by the fact that she was dragging her luggage around with her the entire time. ‘Cause she had all those suitcases and stuff when she took that cab from who knows where to her house to meet the Liars in that one flashback.

Over at Hollis, Ezra calls Byron to his office to talk about his feelings … OF SUPREMACY. I think we can all agree that Byron is the grossest. His quest to keep Aria locked away as a child virgin for all time while he acts like some kind of proprietary Puritan is straight-up Colonial Era bullshit and frankly I can’t believe Ella has managed to stay married to him this long. He’s the kind of guy who says “deflowered” probably. And you know how I feel about that. Anyway, he’s got about the smuggest face going on right now and maybe that’s the thing that really sets Ezra off. He’s like, “That job in New Orleans was maybe the greatest career opportunity I will ever get, but I’m done letting you and Jackie Molina and this “A” person make all my decisions for me. One of us treats Aria like an adult and that person is me. You think I’m taking advantage of her because you think she’s a little kid. But she’s not. I’ve seen her slay a dragon with a plastic fork because she wanted its hide for a new pair of boots, OK? She’s a capable young woman. And so am I. It just took me some time to realize it.”

Byron huffs and puffs and hems and haws and grunts and gurgles. And then he leaves and Ezra pumps his little fists in the air and calls Aria to tell her he loves her.

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