The Liars walk down the sidewalk and debrief the fact that Alison met with everyone on earth the day she was murdered by everyone on earth. Emily straggles behind and kicks rocks and weighs her choices for making out: Drive to San Francisco and possibly get killed by the people who killed Maya, Drive to Paige’s house and possibly get drowned in the bathtub, track down boring ol’ Samara and possibly get murdered by that horrible Quinn. There’s a screech in the distance and the Liars look up to see Garrett just squealing his tires driving away from the Cavenaugh place.
A texts: “When you see smoke and fire, you will know that I have blown up another thing.”
Theory two: Melissa is “A.” She hates everyone, obviously, but she’s killed most of them (Ian, Alison) already. Now she just needs to get rid of Garrett, which she’ll do by framing him for burning down Jason’s house at the end of the episode. (Plus: Access to Hastings lake house; access to Smitty’s; ran like the wind when she found out her dad knew his gun was missing; heart is appalling dumpheap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots.)
There are like 20 fireman in the Cavenaugh’s backyard and apparently one of the things Toby learned while he was away was sign sign language because he does the official ASL sign for, “Four girls blew up my sister” over and over and over while the four girls who blew up his sister watch from the sidewalk.
At Wren Kingston General Hospital, Jenna and Toby wait to have her new eyeball checked out. She talks about how she wants Toby to help her fill her room with all the stuff from the Blind Girl Craft Fair so that when she finally takes off those damn sunglasses she can see for herself how talented she is at throwing ceramics. She says a lady did it in a movie once. Toby literally goes, “That lady was a mean old bitch.” And then, as if conjured by the phrase, Wren appears to check out Toby’s now cast-free arm and talk to him about how soft Spencer’s skin is under her t-shirt. Toby’s head actually explodes.
At school, Emily talks to Spencer about what a rough season it’s been for her, what with Maya coming and going at her leisure, and also both of her parents doing the same thing, and the ninja from the greenhouse, and getting gassed in that barn, and then making out with a ghost. Spencer agrees that times are tough for the two of them. Why, the only time her parents show up is when they’ve worked out a plan to simultaneously inflict the most emotional damage on her. She hasn’t decided yet if getting a new brother is a plus or a minus in the wins column. For some reason, he just wanders into the school courtyard at dusk and reminds them that he’s got another sack of Alison’s shit that Maya dropped off before leaving town.
Theory three: Maya is “A.” As a member of the Dark Legion of the Lesbian Sisterhood, she is sworn to do the bidding of their Imperial Sith, Quinn The Worst. Quinn murdered Alison for one time looking at Samara and torturing Emily and her friends has just been a bonus for the one time Emily also looked at Samara. (Plus: Maya has had access to all of Ali’s stuff, including journals and various headless dolls, since the pilot episode.
Ella stops by Ezra’s office. He’s just lounging on another piece of gorgeous furniture (as is his wont) reading through his notes about today’s feelings (also his wont) and wearing the most adorable tie/shirt/vesy combo (more wonts). Actually, that’s sort of Ezbian in a nutshell, isn’t it? If only he had some organic apples that he picked from himself from the lesbian co-op just up the road in Vermont. Ella goes, “Aria said you sometimes need to process your feelings more than once, so here I am.” He offers her an apple (there it is), but she declines. She just dropped by to say that while she’s not on board with him boning her teenage daughter, she’s not going to make a scene about it like her husband. And that’s it. That’s the thing they needed. Some common ground. Ezbian goes, “I’m drinking chocolate milk, Ella, the most non-threatening drink there is. And we both hate Byron. And I’m adorable with my coy half-smile. I think we should be friends.” She agrees, but can’t say so. As she’s leaving she goes, “Do you know of anyone who would want to use your relationship with Aria to hurt her her or you or me?” Ezra sighs: “There was someone once. Jackie Molina. But Aria and I dumped her dead body in a dumpster months ago. She was a mean old bitch.”
Rosewood High. Mona is multitasking: Chatting to Hanna about boy troubles, ordering some dynamite from Amazon.com on her phone, mentally inventorying her stockpile of body armor, and diagramming the best way to trap Jenna inside Jason’s house. It’s not just that Jenna stole Noel Kahn away; it’s also that Jenna is bonking her brother again and Mona cares about Spencer too much to let incest touch her life anymore than it already has. Mona’s like, “Don’t worry, I got this.” And Hanna believes her like we all believe her. Like we believe in the sun. Not only because we see it, but because by it, all things are seen.
Mona’s plan was to pretend to want to buy Toby’s pickup truck. I thought he abandoned that thing in Spencer’s yard weeks ago with all the letters she ever wrote to him and a bottle of his tears. Guess he got it back. And is now selling it. Anyway, he’s like, “Mona, I can’t say that I really know you, but what I do know about you is that when you hit someone with a car, you want to make it stick. That’s why you need a truck. I whittled the gun rack in the back all by myself.” Hanna peeks around the corner: “Yoo hoo, Mona! Oh, hi Toby. Got a sec?” He does not, in fact, got a sec. Hanna goes, “You broke Spencer’s heart!” And Toby goes, “You broke my sister’s face!” Fair enough.