“Pretty Little Liars” recap (1.11): Moments Later

 
 

Mona stops by the hospital to wave a bra around because it’s the international peace symbol (true, actually) and give Hanna a makeover. Mona says she almost feels guilty that Hanna is in the hospital because if she hadn’t un-invited Hanna to Camp Mona when she heard that Hanna had liposuction, Hanna wouldn’t have had to skulk around on the edges of the party where the monster truck races were happening. Hanna’s view of friendship has been so skewed by constant torture from Alison and “A” that she actually goes, “Oh, you don’t have anything to feel guilty about.” And so, with her conscience cleared, Mona goes on over to the nursery to punch some babies in the face.

Meanwhile, Aria, Spencer and Emily talk some more about how all their “clues” add up to “A” being Noel Kahn. Spencer says the words “means,” “motive” and “opportunity” right out loud like she just finished watching a Law & Order marathon.

Back at Rosewood Hospital for Incurably Daft Detectives, Lucas the Yearbook Serf takes advantage of the all-hours, no-security visiting policy to sneak in and kiss Hanna on the head. The music says it’s sweet. I say it’s creepy as shit. Sneak into my room like that at night and you will have a beagle-teeth-shaped chunk missing from your face forever. The next day, Hana suggests that it would be thriftier to move her to a shared room, but Ms. Marin clutches wads of dollars behind her back and says that as God as her witness they will never have to buy generic soda to mix with their whiskey ever again.

At school, Noel Kahn tells Aria he saw her and Mr. Fitz snogging each other’s faces off at Camp Mona, but he is under the impression that Aria was somehow coerced into the arrangement. Aria’s says, “Au contraire, Ma chérie!” And then she turns her Jedi gaze on him, waves her hand in front of his face: “This is not the illicit affair you are looking for.”

Also looking — and also, inexplicably, all-seeing — is JennaBot. She sits in the hallway and listens as Emily phones Prison. Emily asks to speak to Boo, but Prison says he’s indisposed at the moment, but can they take a message? As Emily hangs up, JennaBot springs to her feet and uses her Infrared Distance Sensor to gauge exactly where Emily’s grill is, so she can get up in it. JennaBot says Prison will never let Emily speak to Boo and even if Prison forgets and actually does put her call through, JennaBot will use her hex inverter to scramble the cell signal, and SO THERE.

Emily goes, “Thinking about a brother having sex with a sister-robot makes me throw up in my mouth.” And Jenna decides right then that Emily will be the next to go.

The Lily Kane filter is on! You know what that means! Alison is visiting Hanna in the hospital! Hanna cuts right through the cryptic bullshit. They’ve been tiptoeing around Alison’s ghost long enough; she wants to know how she went and got herself killed. Alison says the following, “Put your heads together and you’ll figure it out, but then lie about figuring it out because the truth will get you killed. And speaking of killed, I’ve got to do something about ‘A.’”

Mr. Blythe and Aria talk about how they’re miserable, but they’re not going backwards, and they’re not going to hide, but they’re going to have to hide. Aria says, “If you had it to do over again, knowing what you know now — knowing that one day I would show up at school wearing a leopard print jacket over a purple camisole — would you still have made out with me in that bar?” Gilbert replies in the affirmative. “It doesn’t matter to me that you’re color-blind under-age,” he says.

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