“Pretty Little Liars” recap (1.04): Say Crack Again


Emily opens up her book and what to her wandering eyes should appear, but a photo of her and Maya with their lips locked tight. She slams the book shut, and after school she goes to Maya’s work and hides in the shrubbery and is like, “Ca-caw! Ca-caw! The sapphic squirrel flies at dawn!” And Maya is like, “Wait, what?” Emily says they need to talk — this is hilarious — and she makes this motion that they should move away to get some privacy, so they take three steps forward — away from the absolute no one who is outside the cafe — and have a conversation about the photo.

Maya is glad Emily found it; she thinks they look cute. Emily is like, “Did you put this in my chemistry book; just tell me, and I won’t be mad.” And Maya goes, “Why in the world would that make you mad?” And Emily snatches the photos back and looks all around like the worst spy you’ve ever seen — like Inspector Gadget. No, like the time when I was a little kid and I nicked an entire container of delicious Flintstone vitamins and my mom caught me in the throes of eating the entire bottle and I tried to swallow like 20 Bam-Bams at once. That’s what Emily does with the photo, just shoves it in her purse like that. She goes, “I don’t think you get it. This is a EVIDENCE of YOU AND I — TWO GIRLS — TOUCHING OUR LIPS TOGETHER.” Maya gets it. She just walks away.

Emily goes to talk to her after work and things get real gay real fast. Like, this is the gayest thing they’ve done so far. Gayer than spooning and kissing. See for yourself:

You impress me, ABC Family! That was for real! It actually made me swoon a little.

Emily says, “I liked the kiss. I don’t know what the kiss means.” And Maya says, “What do you need?” They agree to get a little space and perspective and Maya is a champ here: “I care about you, and I’ll wait. You don’t need to say anything. You just need to know that.” (And I haven’t mentioned this, but the directing on this show is really, really slick. It makes Secret Life of the American Teenager look like, well, Days of Our Lives.)

At home, Spencer and Hanna realize someone has broken into her house. They SOS text Emily and Aria who rush over and find that the culprit is “A.” “It won’t be that easy, bitches” she’s written on Spencer’s mirror in Alison’s signature Jungle Red lipstick. Which means “A” isn’t just engaging in virtual terrorism anymore — she’s taking this bitch to the streets, black ops style. And oh, guerrilla warfare is my favorite kind of teen TV warfare!

Now all “A”’s gotta do is crack one of the PLLs. She cracks one of the PLLs and she cracks the lock on their whole dirty history.

Say crack again.


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