“Pretty Little Liars” recap (1.04): Say Crack Again

Toby is skulking around in Emily’s chemistry class like a damn Cullen, and of course he gets assigned to be her lab partner. You can actually hear Two Steps From Hell’s creepy “Mercy in Darkness” crooning when he sits down beside her. Like, the whole thing should be in slow-mo and Toby should be sniffing the air, all repulsed by how awesome Emily smells. So, Emily’s ex-boyfriend is a werewolf from the Jacob Black pack and her new lab partner is a vampire. How about that?

And listen to me, lesbians — I am not spoiled, I haven’t read the books, but I am just going to go ahead and tell you this, because I want to avoid a 90210 heartbreak situation here: If I know stories, Emily is going to end up with this Toby Boo Radley Cavenaugh Cullen. I mean, we’ve actually gotten a scoop that there’s going to be a coming out episode, and I am happy about that and Emily and Maya are hot together, but just don’t be shocked if Emily ends up falling for the vampire.

Of course, there’s always the chance that Toby will make a play for Emily and Maya will channel her inner Save the Last Dance Nikki and we’ll get the kind of hip-hop diva/zombie fisticuffs the world has always wanted.

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