“Pretty Little Liars” recap (1.04): Say Crack Again

The next day in class, the sexiest thing happens and that is that Mr. Blythe and Aria get into a heated debate about To Kill a Mockingbird, to the point where they actually forget there are other people in the room. (Here’s a tip: If you want to make out with me, get into a fight with me about Jane Austen.) Mr. Blythe is going off about the duplicitous nature of Atticus Finch, and Aria is defending him, and everyone else is like, “Get a room, you two” except one kid in the back who kind of contradicts Aria. Mr. Blythe is like, “ARIA IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND YOU HAVE PHLEGM” and then he snaps out of it real quick, all, “Sorry, what were you saying?

And I am going to quote this kid for posterity. I still can’t figure out what’s happening here with To Kill a Mockingbird, but I’m convinced that Toby Cavanaugh is Boo Radley, and I’m also convinced that this little speech is going to be important later. (Oh! Also! If you know who “A” is, don’t spoil it in the comments. OK? Let’s make that promise to each other now. I want to read your comments, but I’m afraid! I hate being spoiled!)

Well, it’d probably be easier for Atticus to get the kid off than to get Boo off, that’s all.

I don’t know, just file it.

Aria goes to Gilbert’s apartment after school and is like, “You can’t lit-f-ck me in front of the entire class and not expect people to know something’s going on between us! And also, you’re still wrong about my parents because guess what? You don’t know me!” Gilbert says she’s right and then pulls her inside like he’s going to get to know her in a Biblical way. But they end up just chatting and eating Chinese food.

Aria decides she’s going to go home and tell her mom the truth, and just as she’s about to spit it out, her super distraught mom gets a letter from “A” telling her about the affair, the potential Chlamydia, and how Aria knew all along. “A” is getting more dangerous. She’s moved past making threats and is now onto Phase Two: TOTAL DESTRUCTION! (I love Phase Two! Phase Two is my favorite!)

And Emily. Oh, Emily, Emily.

But wait! Maya. Oh, Maya, Maya.

I know we’ve talked about Bianca Lawson, and how she’s been playing a teenager for … a while now, but the information about her many, many teenage roles has only been at the edge of my brain — because if you never age, why not play a young adult, right? — but then last night she said something (I don’t remember what) and I paused the DVR and gaped, because holy crap, you guys, she played Nikki in Save the Last Dance! (And hold tight, ‘cause I’m gonna macro the shiz out of it for you in just a second.)

Maya has purchased a scarf for Emily, which she presents to her at school by wrapping it around her neck in front of the entire student body. It’s kind of possessive, actually. Like, you don’t just go around touching people’s throats unless you’re just super intimate with them, or like a vampire or a wolf or something. Emily is kind of uncomfortable, but also flattered. She wears the scarf for a little while and then stuffs it in her locker. The scarf is really the least of her worries. I said vampires and wolves, right?

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