“Pitch Perfect” is aca-awesome

There’s something that warms my heart about a capella groups (most likely stemming from my past high school chorus life and utter obsession with Naya Rivera’s lips) and makes me such a sucker for shows like Glee and The Sing-off. Combine them with a hackneyed rom-com plot, gut-busting laughter over Rebel Wilson’s uncanny ability to make me pee my panties, and a potential lesbionic shower scene between Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow — I’m sold, sister.

Let’s get Pitch Perfect. Beca (Anna Kendrick) is a tortured, aspiring DJ who is forced to go to the college where her dad works instead of to L.A. to pursue her dreams of facilitating rump shaking and drunken one night stands with her dope beats. Dad coaxes her into staying in college by offering to help her get to L.A. after one academic year. He encourages her to get involved in extracurricular activities on campus and, while she’s touring the activities fair, The Bellas a capella group tries to convince her to join because they need members. But Beca’s too cool for that kind of music because her remixes are rad and blah blah blah. *Insert almost sexy shower scene.*

After turning down The Bellas, led by the iron fist Aubrey (Anna Camp), Beca finds herself singing “Bulletproof” as she sashays into the co-ed showers. Suddenly, a gingered-out Chloe (Brittany Snow) appears in Beca’s shower — naked and wet — claiming Beca can sing and that she should audition for The Bellas. Though there’s no nudity and nothing terribly lesbian about this scene — except when they’re naked bodies are almost pressed against each other in an enthralling moment of steamy song — it burned in my loins and, for that, I thank you Chloe. Next thing you know, Beca joins The Bellas along with a hodgepodge of weirdos including Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) and a no-shame-in-spitting-game lesbian named Cynthia Rose (Ester Dean) and the aca-awesome a capella madness begins.

There’s a precious, gag-inducing romance between Beca and Jesse (Skylar Astin) from the all-male a capella group on campus (The Treblemakers) that makes its way into the storyline. It plays out just as you’d imagine any rom-com would, but their hetero love tale paled in comparison to the hilarity of Rebel Wilson’s character. She had me in stitches just as much as Bridesmaids. Let’s take a moment and quote her completely out of context.

Aubrey: What’s your name?
Fat Amy: Fat Amy.

Aubrey:
You call yourself Fat Amy?

Fat Amy: Yeah, so twig bitches like you don’t do it behind my back.

Bumper [Adam DeVine]: I get the feeling that we should kiss. I mean, is that a good feeling or, like, a wrong feeling?

Fat Amy:
Wellll, sometimes I feel like I could do crystal meth but then I think, hmm, better not.

Aubrey: What are you doing?

Fat Amy:
Horizontal running…

Fat Amy: Aca-awkward.

OK, so back to the plot. Beca takes her sick remixing skills (against Aubrey’s bitchy will) and gives The Bellas a vocal renovation that leads them to a gigantic a capella competition where they compete against the Treblemakers for first place. In a climactic moment of instrument-free pop tunes, beat boxing and potential projectile vomiting ( SPOILER ALERT), the movie ends exactly as you’d imagine minus the homo scenes we fantasized about. There’s a brief moment in which Cynthia Rose outs herself, to which Fat Amy replies, “Whomp, there it is!” But, unfortunately, it didn’t get gayer than that. I mean have you seen what actually happens on chorus trips? Everyone gets gay.

I digress.

Pitch Perfect was everything I had imagined and left me wanting for absolutely nothing. I was 100% satisfied while leaving the theatre, thinking of all the great parties at which I would quote Fat Amy, and I couldn’t stop singing Blackstreet’s “No Diggity.” Both wins. Take your girlfriends and queens to see this flick after a few wine spritzers. Bring a change of underpants for the hilarity and your most creative imagination for the not-so-gay scenes.

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