Lesbian Art History 101
Now don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like you could know more. Not a lot more, just a little bit more. A smidgen. A speck. Art history is endlessly rewarding and rife with lesbianism both intentional and not. Enjoy the culture and many, many naked ladies embracing in friendship and symbolism, inspired by The Toast’s Mallory Ortberg and her series on Western Art History.
we are just two gal pals
enjoying a nappy nap
bestest buds
grasping snatches
in eternal friendship
lean back
lean back
lean back
Vanity, Modesty, and Death by Stradanus, Johannes.
Sup modesty
why would you assume I’m modesty
well-
what the actual fuck do I have to be modest about
no reason to get mad I was just
have you seen my velvety thighs and high forehead
yes
would MODESTY have tits like these
ok fine SUP VANITY
that’s better
great
who are you?
I’m death
pardon?
Death.
…
and you’re looking real good.
………..
I think I have to have you.
look babe
no hands
is that a horn of plenty
maybe
where did you get it
the baby
what baby
the flying baby
there’s a lot of flying babies up in here
true
can I have your horn of plenty
no
oh
but you can have my heaving bosom
ohhhhhhhh
I’ve had about enough of this shit, Gabby
You’ve been holding my nipple for seven hours
No goblet of mead
No jester
Nothing
Just your stupid hand holding my numb nipple
and this mannerist turd
this isn’t a chateau it’s a shack
and I saw more hospitality during the sack of Rome
je t’aime
moi aussi
whose that midget in the corner chugging cognac from a cane
that’s Toulouse-Lautrec
does he have to be here
well, he’s very good
I suppose but-
don’t you want our forbidden love to be eternally commemorated on canvas by a drug addled french dwarf whose views on female homosexuality and sex workers are unusually progressive
hadn’t given it much thought
well, maybe you should
oh shit look who just walked in
who
your ex
no
with that trick she’s dating
which one
the makeup artist
ughhhhhhhhh
I know
I need another drink
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