The trusty website, UrbanDictionary.com, has several definitions for the term lesbro:
1. A man who has more friendships with lesbians than other women or men.
2. The male equivalent of a fag hag.
3. A heterosexual man who is either one or both of the following: a brother to one or more lesbian sisters, or, friends with a disproportionate amount of homosexual women. “Wow, your brother really only hangs out with gay girls, doesn’t he! And you’re a big gay yourself, sister! What a lesbro you’ve got there!”
To us, a lesbro is a little bit of all, but at his core, a lesbro is a male friend to at least one, but possibly several, lesbians. This column shares a little bit about some famous lesbros that we love.
This week’s Lesbro: Tim Mislock. Tim “Timmy” Mislock is a musician from Brooklyn, New York. He is Holly Miranda’s guitar player as well as a touring member of The Antlers. He owns every Ani DiFranco record (including the bootlegs) and performs under the solo moniker Abandoned Lighthouse. He is a Taurus.
AfterEllen.com: Of the above three definitions of Lesbro, which do you think describes you best?
Tim Mislock: For me, it is a little bit of the first and third. I definitely have a lot of out friends, with lesbians taking up the majority, but I have been introduced more than once as a male lesbian myself. So I guess I am a little bit of all of them.
AE: What is the best thing about your lesbian friend/s?
TM: The ability – and sometimes desperate need – to gossip at very late hours of the night. And their loyalty. I feel if I ever got in a fight it would be me backed by a bunch of girls, we would still probably win, though. My friends are scrappy. I’d probably be trying to talk it out the whole time.
AE: Do you think that having lesbian friends has anything to do with where you fall on the Kinsey scale? Where do you fall on the Kinsey Scale?
TM: I am not entirely sure what incidentally homosexual means but I know for a fact that having lesbian friends has made me examine my sexuality. There are no incidents to speak of so I guess I am a zero, although, while I was on tour with Holly her favorite game was to tell people that I was bi and then watch me get hit on.
AE: What stereotype about lesbians have you found to be false?
TM: Not everyone listens to Ani and the U-Haul statement isn’t in regards to just lesbians. We all have baggage.
AE: What do you think it is specifically that draws you towards being friends with lesbians?
TM: I grew up pretty much exclusively with my mom and I used to sit at the table during her dinner parties with all of her friends, so female companionship was always something that I regarded very highly and cherished. So, I’d blame my mom, but there is just less bulls–t and more honesty in a lot of my lesbian friendships.
AE: How have your girlfriends responded to your friendships with lesbians?
TM: They don’t seem to think anything of it, perhaps because I am kind of a lesbian myself so it just makes sense. I have heard before from a girlfriend or two that they would turn for some of my friends.
AE: When you say you are “basically a lesbian yourself,” what does that mean exactly? TM: Well, it is a title I have received after lengthy discussions with some of my gay friends. More than once after a emotional therapy session I have heard, “You’re kind of a girl, aren’t you?” To which I respond, “I prefer to think of myself as a male lesbian.” I guess since I am straight man who is in touch with his emotions and not afraid to talk openly and honestly about them.
AE: How did you meet Holly Miranda and what is the best thing about touring with her? TM: Holly and I originally met at a show in Philadelphia when she was touring with her band The Jealous Girlfriends. But the way we tell the story is different: She had a goodbye party for one of my friends in Brooklyn the following summer and we stayed up all night passing the guitar back and forth trying to show-up the other with who knew more Ani and Jeff Buckley songs. And from that moment, we were pretty much siblings. She is in many ways my older sister.
My favorite thing about touring with Holly is our rapport. It really is like traveling with family. She’s helped me a lot to become the person I am and helped me really find my feet musically. That and our late night scream-alongs to stay awake to any number of female musicians on those late tour drives.
Holly has a song called, “Pelican Rapids” and she wrote it in response to Prop 8. And it has been pretty amazing to be able to play that song for people, especially young gay fans who may not have come out yet – just being able to spread a message that it’s OK to be who you are, you’re not alone and to not be afraid of who you are, but to embrace it.
AE: When did your love for Ani start and how many times have you seen her play? What is it that draws you to her music? TM: My love for Ani started when I was 15 years old and my brother and I were driving back from the beach. His girlfriend at the time had given him Living in Clip so we listened to that record and I was hooked.
For one, she is a hell of a guitar player and that is what initially grabbed my attention, but also her candid honesty in her lyrics. I have actually seen her play 22 times. I know – total fan-boy, but going to those shows really stoked my desire to be a musician and connect with her audience the way that she does.
In a broader regard, I just love female musicians more. My friend Jack Antonoff (Steel Train, Fun) have talked at length about how songs sound better with a female voice and I agree. I feel I connect more with the female voice and the way it emotes musically. It just really cuts deep and resonates within me, more-so than a male voice.
AE: Who are some of your favorite lesbian/gay performers? TM: Holly Miranda, Tegan and Sara, Kaki King, Joan Jett, Melissa Ferrick, Sleater-Kinney, Le Tigre, Indigo Girls – seriously, I am not ashamed to admit that – Rufus Wainwright, Antony Hegarty, Scott Matthew. And a huge musical influence for me is Xiu Xiu.
Check out Timmy’s music at myspace.com/abadonedlighthouse.
