Happy 49th birthday! On behalf of the AfterEllen.com staff, I’d like to extend our best wishes to you for a fabulous day and an even more fabulous new year. You know, AfterEllen.com pretty much wouldn’t exist if you hadn’t made such an incredible difference in the lives of LGBT people everywhere by coming out nearly 10 years ago. In fact, if you hadn’t come out, we would probably be called AfterMartina.com or AfterMelissa.com — and both of those options just have too many syllables. (Not that we don’t love Melissa Etheridge and Martina Navratilova — we do!)
No, Ellen, if you hadn’t come out, the entire media landscape for us gay folks would be decidedly different. I’m really happy that T.R. Knight was able to thank you this past week on your talk show for coming out. I know you don’t like to talk about it much anymore, but Knight really shared what many of us feel: You made coming out so much easier for so many of us, and we are really grateful to you.
I know that after you came out, times were a bit tough for you. The backlash that ensued was not pretty, and for awhile it looked like coming out really did have negative consequences. Thankfully, you continued to deliver your brand of positive, friendly humor leavened with drinking jokes (What? I like a cocktail!), and the American public showed that they are not all crass boors who want their comedy to smack them around like idiots. Obviously Hollywood loves you, too — congratulations on being tapped to host the Oscars! I’ll definitely be watching this year, and not just because it’s my job! I’ll be watching because I know you will crack me up, and because you’ll do it while wearing a tux. (By the way, I heart your sense of style. I am so glad those silly makeovers never stuck!)
So anyway, to get to the point, I’d just like to take this opportunity to beg shamelessly for an interview. I know you don’t talk to the gay press much, and it’s clear that you’re not eager to revisit the whole gay thing, so I want to assure you that we’re hardly a “gay” website. We’re a lesbian one. That’s like totally, completely different. (Come on, you know it is!) Also, we don’t need to rehash old news anymore. What do I want to ask you about? What’s it like being one of Hollywood’s most powerful women? Do you get to pick your own outfits on TV? Are you really going to go back to doing stand-up? And just how great is Portia de Rossi, anyway? (Do you get to pick her outfits?)
I just want to conclude by letting you know that I understand that one little open letter published on Best.Lesbian-ish.Day.Ever. isn’t necessarily going to convince you to talk to AfterEllen.com. I’m prepared to do more. Chocolates? Done. An entire year’s membership in Anchor O’Reilly’s Chip of the Month Club? No problemo. A new puppy? I can deliver her tomorrow. Just let me know.
Meanwhile, I hope you have the Best. Birthday. Party. Ever. You deserve it.