Useless Celebrity News: Friday Morning Edition

Untirely unreliable anonymous sources say Brad and Angelina plan to adopt a baby in India, where Jolie is currently filming her latest movie, A Mighty Heart, and they’re reportedly planning to name the baby “India”, after its home country. In related news, Britney Spears has changed the name of her new baby boy to Witchita Federline, after the Kansas town she and K-Fed got busy in once after a concert.

Supermodel Kate Moss says she plans to marry her boyfriend Pete Doherty “soon”. Ooh, I don’t know how I’ll handle the suspense…

Former supermodel Naomi Campbell has been released after spending 12 hours in police cell over assault allegations. Again. My favorite media quote on the story: “While it takes a great deal of strength and will power to attack a drug problem, it takes Naomi Campbell to attack a drug counselor.” At the rate she’s going – what is this, like assault charge #7? – maybe we should send Naomi to Iraq. This war might actually be over by Christmas!

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