My, Padma Lakshmi, what a big appetite you have

Padma Lakshmi can has cheeseburger. Dorothy Snarker can has coronary. In fact, after watching her much-anticipated Hardee’s commercial, I’ve changed mmm, Padma, mmm, to thud, Padma, thud.

While I’d be happy to give you a play-by-play (or, more accurately a bite-by-bite), the only two words you really need to know before clicking play are “food” and “porn.”

If that doesn’t forever redefine the term “finger-licking good,” then nothing will. Never before in my entire life have I felt so jealous of a hamburger. Heck, I think perhaps even the vegetarians among us can agree that was some seriously good eats.

Padma’s campaign for Hardee’s (and its sister West Coast chain, Carl’s Jr.) kicked off online this week. I’m pretty sure Padma’s burger ad told Paris Hilton‘s burger ad to pack its knives and go.

Now, I should be scoffing at the blatant sexualization and objectification happening in this ad — you know, feminism and stuff. We are not pieces of meat, Hardee’s! But then the ad’s tagline, “More than just a piece of meat,” made my point already. Way to mix your messages; I’m now turned on and guilty.

But all I really want to do is marvel at Padma’s unparalleled eating prowess. I mean, I knew from watching Top Chef all these years that the woman could eat. But that first bite looks more like a jaw unhinging.

And don’t get me started on the tongue. Sweet fancy Moses, the tongue.

While Padma may not have succeeded in making me want a Western Bacon Thickburger, she has succeeded in making me want to be a Western Bacon Thickburger.

Some burgers have all the luck. So, are you like me suddenly very, very — um, how shall I say — hungry?

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