The AfterEllen.com Huddle: Qualities We Love in a Woman

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This week’s Huddle is straight from the Proust questionnaire: What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Bridget McManus: I have always been into extremely intelligent women. There is nothing more attractive or stimulating than having a conversation with a woman and learning something new. Brains are good. 

Dana Piccoli: I love a woman with confidence. I’m a handful, and I need to be with someone who knows who they are, and knows their stuff. Luckily, I found her.

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Natasha Negovanlis: Pan girl speaking here. I can’t really say that I have a “type” when it comes to any gender identity, but the qualities I look for are the same in anyone: Sense of humor, passion and drive for whatever it is they do, and some kind of artistic/creative side to them is a bonus. But a sense of humor comes first and foremost. If you can’t laugh at life, you’re no good to me.

Lindsay King-Miller: I fall head over heels for a laugh, a smile, a sense of humor. I’m a ridiculous person, and I need a love who lets me feel comfortable being goofy and whimsical, and who at least chuckles politely at my terrible jokes. There are offhand remarks my partner made YEARS ago that still crack me the fuck up when I remember them. That’s crucial. Also, I like big butts and I cannot lie.

Miranda Meyer: Speaking as a bi lady, I feel much the same as Natasha. My thing is I need someone to have a sense of humor but also to have something they’re passionate about. If I ask you what you’re into and get back a shrug and an “Eh, I dunno,” I’m gonna lose interest real fast. I’m not saying it needs to be some kind of grand Life’s Work or a plan to change the world, but just something the person has real enthusiasm for. Though I am definitely a sucker for a dark-haired woman in a leather jacket.

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Elaine Atwell: Great tracts of land.

Grace Chu: Intelligence, sense of humor but most of all—and this quality is often underrated—emotional/psychological strength. Women with this quality are upfront, not flakey, honest and are not prone to cowardly things like playing games and ghosting. Basically, a grown ass woman.

Erin Faith Wilson: I am attracted to a very confident woman, who has a “take-charge” sort of attitude. She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it. I also am attracted to more athletic women, someone who has a knowledge of most sports and could probably play them decently on some level. She also has to be a really great kisser.

Ever Mainard: Preferably straight #wasterhertime-ers

Chloe: I love a girl who laughs at my jokes. JK (HAHAHAHAHAHA you say, eager to be my lady) I like talented girls with sharp minds and hipbones. Confidence is good, but manufactured swag is tedious. Excellent conversation skills are a must. A lot of people mistake taking turns monologuing as a conversation, but the real thing is more of a give and take, an easy flow like aimless brainstorming. 

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Ali Davis: Everyone I’ve really fallen for has been smart and able to crack me up. That combination makes me giddy. But they’ve also had a real kindness to them, and I think that quality is underrated. You don’t have to be saving a remote village every day, but an ability to check in and think about other people is a little piece of magic.

Lucy Hallowell: Smart, tall, athletic, with the kind of eyes that make you forget your own damn name.

Chelsea Steiner: They should be Gillian Anderson. Is that too specific? I love intelligence, humor, and most importantly, someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. I’m also a big believer in finding someone who makes you the best version of yourself. 

Trish Bendix: A nice balance of swagger, style and a sense of humor. And a plan. A drive. Something they are going after that is bigger than them.

Marcie Bianco: An intellectual with a creative side; a woman who knows who she is, who doesn’t seek approval from others in order to validate her existence, but who doesn’t take herself so seriously that she can never be silly or playful.

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Dara Nai: Hot, smart, table manners. 

Valerie Anne: I want the woman I’m with to have a sense of humor, a love for stories, and a dream or two. And she has to be nice to the waitstaff. (Or is Tatiana Maslany.)

Anna Pulley: Judging by past experience, I most value a woman who is straight, married, and lives at least 2,500 miles away.

Kim Hoffman: I usually ignore quality altogether and just focus on her astrological sign for guidance. For instance, she better be a LEO DICAPRICORN. Sorry, I can’t take credit at all for this joke, I just saw a meme circulating a while back and my Leo radar went on, and never turned off. 

In all seriousness, the quality I most admire is someone who has opinions, and wants to create movement, they aren’t held back by regrets and the past and things that don’t serve them, maybe in their environment, their art, words, music, their relationships, their work, the way they treat themselves and others. I constantly root for and like a woman who is aware of their crazy, weird storm of dreams, ambitions and fears. 

Caitlin Bergh: I like the qualities of every woman, whatever they may be. I especially like a woman who can say “I’m every woman” with confidence and maybe even sing the song.

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Lianna Carrera: My type is artistic brunettes with conviction. Whether that be writers, actors, musicians, photographers—my friend group consists largely of these as well! I also think emotional intelligence along with actual intelligence is high up on my list. A good, old-fashioned, glasses-wearing (even if just eventually), book-reading nerd.

Your turn: What is the quality you most like in a woman?

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