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The AfterEllen.com Sapphic Sex Survey Results

Sex: the great mindless pleasure. You probably have it, or have had it, or would like to have it if only some fetching thing would consent to letting you all up in her bits. Last month, AfterEllen asked readers to take an anonymous sex survey about your girl-on-girl experiences. Over six THOUSAND women answered questions on preference, identity, activity, frequency, and everything in between. The result? A bevy of new information on the sex lives of lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and queer women.

This isn’t just fun; it’s important. Our community has been ignored and marginalized by the majority of sex surveys and studies, which overwhelming focus on heterosexual activity. To everyone who took the survey: thank you. Your contribution made this survey an overwhelming success, and is a valuable asset to AfterEllen and the LGBTQ community.

Now let’s get to the good stuff: what did we find out? First off, let’s break down who you are: a majority (65%) identify as gay/lesbian, followed by bisexual (13%), queer (8%), label free (7%), still figuring it out (4%), and pansexual (2%). I’m proud to say that we have WAY more orgasms than other women, with 72% orgasming always or most of the time. We’re mostly monogamous (76%) and prefer body parts to toys (61%). A striking majority (92%) have never used a dental dam. We bang our friends (58%) but not our friends exes (79%). 55% first had sex with a woman as an adult, between 18-30. We’re NOT exhibitionists (91%) or voyeurs (77%) so bro, if you see two girls kissing, kindly put your dick away and fuck off. Finally, a majority (77%) dislike or have never tried scissoring, so that’s settled.

Here are some of the survey’s highlights, followed by the rest of the results. Enjoy and discuss!

Do you identify as strictly monogamous?

76% said yes

24% said no

We love a relationship.

Do you identify as polyamorous?

6% said yes

94% said no

How often do you have sexual fantasies?

6% said hourly

33% said daily

32% said several times a week

20% said several times a month

10% said rarely

Have you ever used a strap on?

45% said yes

55% said no

Almost a 50/50 split with the NOs winning. Clearly queer women don’t need toys to get off, and get off GOOD.

Do you talk dirty in bed?

43% said yes

35% said no

22% said I have before, but am not that into it

Not a fan of dirty talk? Totally normal. It can be weird to be all like “fuck me harder slut” the masters student who made you tea.

How often would you (ideally) like to have sex?

22% said every day

64% said a few times a week

13% said a few times a month

1% said a few times a year

Daily sex sounds fun, but realistically we’ve all got shit to do.

How often do you currently have sex?

3% said every day

25% said a few times a week

39% said a few times a month

33% said a few times a year

At first glance, 33% of queer women having sex only a few times a year seemed odd. However, for single women, sex a few times a year is pretty typical across the board. It is better to be alone than to be in bad company.

When was the last time you had sex?

7% said today

32% said within the last week

23% said within the last month

17% said within the last year

14% said over a year ago

A healthy majority had sex recently. I wonder whether the 14% who haven’t had sex in over a year are lacking opportunity or interest?

Are you happy with your sex life?

41% said yes

44% said no

15% said I don’t know

The majority of queer women are unhappy or unsure about their sex life? Time to crank it up a notch, ladies.

Have you ever tried BDSM?

50% said no, and I don’t want to.

24% said yes

27% said no, but I want to

Half of queer women say “no me gusta” to 50 Shades of Grey.

Do you have a vibrator?

58% said yes

42% said no

Yay for the majority knowing what’s up.

Have you ever tried anal sex?

35% said yes

11% said no, but I want to

54% said no, and I don’t want to

Mixed feelings about butt stuff.

How often do you masturbate?

9% said daily

33% said several times a week

20% said weekly

19% said several times a month

12% said monthly

3% said yearly

4% said never

To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance.

Do you watch porn?

71% said yes

29% said no

If so, how often?

1% said daily

10% said several times a week

13% said weekly

19% said several times a month

23% said monthly

13% said yearly

20% said never

We’re still watching a lot less porn than dudes.

What type of porn do you prefer?

27% said Girl on Girl

6% said Guy on Girl

9% said Guy on Guy

5% said Mixed gender

4% said Queer specific

30% said All of the above

19% said I don’t watch porn

Variety is the spice of life.

Have you ever lied to a sexual partner about how many partners you’ve had?

24% said yes

76% said no

Surprisingly honest, you lot. Or maybe queer women are more likely to be feminists and therefore less likely to slut shame?

Have you ever had a threesome with two women?

13% said yes

41% said no, but I want to

45% said no, and I don’t want to

Persuading one girl to sleep with me is tricky enough, never mind two simultaneously.

Have you ever had group sex with three or more women?

4% said yes

28% said no, but I want to

68% said no, and I don’t want to

That’s a lot of complicated anatomy to take care of. Not to mention feelings.

Do you prefer finger penetration or oral sex?

15% said finger penetration

24% said oral sex

41% said both equally

1% said neither

19% said depends on the girl

Have you ever had sex with a coworker?

34% said yes

66% said no

I suppose it depends how many queer women you work with.

Have you ever had sex with a friend’s ex?

21% said yes

79% said no

Proud of you girls. Way to keep the drama down.

Have you ever had sex in a public place?

64% said yes

36% said no

Most of us have had some stealthy sex.

Have you ever had sex in water?

54% said yes

46% said no

What do you think of scissoring?

23% said like it

36% said don’t like it

26% said never tried it, but would

15% said never tried it, and would not

Less than a quarter of us like scissoring. LET THAT BE THE END OF THE SCISSORING QUESTIONS, heteros.

Do you consider yourself a sexual exhibitionist?

9% said yes

91% said no

This means if you see two women kissing: leave us the fuck alone. Do not comment. Do not stop to watch. Do not voice your appreciation. Do not express that you’re ok with it/love Ellen. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

Do you consider yourself a sexual voyeur?

23% said yes

77% said no

Most of us aren’t trying to watch other people bang.

Have you ever had sex with a woman who ejaculated aka squirted?

22% said yes, and I liked it

2% said yes, and I didn’t like it

10% said yes, and I’m indifferent about it

67% said no

We’re down.

Do you share sexual details with your friends?

4% said always

11% said often

34% said sometimes

34% said rarely

17% said never

The L Word got it wrong: lesbians are discreet.

Have you ever had sex with someone in a relationship?

44% said yes

56% no

Do you use sex toys in bed?

41% said yes

32% said no

26% said only in a relationship

We view sex toys as optional accessories, not necessities.

Which do you prefer?

2% said sex toys

61% said fingers/mouth/body parts

28% said both equally

9% said I’m not sure

We’re great with what we’ve got.

Follow Chloe on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. Images created by the amazing Jenna Lykes.

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