Who Said It? Jesus or The Indigo Girls

Editor’s Note: This was first featured in the spring of 2015. It feels like a topic even more relevant today, though, considering the Trump Presidency. We need this laugh right now. 

You guys. So much weird vitriol coming from the religious right. I believe in calmer waters, that everyone gets to pair with pizza without regard to race, religion, sexual orientation and all that good stuff. Doesn’t everyone realize we have more in common than we don’t? WHY NOT?

But you guys! To the religious right, the gay agenda is scary! Which is why I, a member of the homosexual community and avid Indigo Girls fan (redundant), do officially ask the owners of Mystic Pizza (or whatever its called) and their religious right friends to answer the following question: Who said it: Jesus or The Indigo Girls?

It should be way easy to tell the difference. After all, gays are scary and immoral and easily identifiable. And Jesus, he is clearly a member of the religious right. So here we go.

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1. “Fasten up your earthly burdens, you have just begun.”

2. “My place is of the sun, this place is of the dark, but by Grace my sight grows stronger.”

3. “Where are the demons of my desire, what separates me from you? Where is the fame where is the fortune where is the world that denies you?”

4. “I come to you with strange fire, I make an offering of love, the incense of my soil is burned by the fire in my blood.”

5. “When you learn to love yourself you will dissolve all stones that are cast, yes to have a true relief, this is a peace that will take you higher.”

6. “Hey Jesus, it’s me.”

7. “Get out of bed and get a hammer and a nail.”

8. “A distant nation is my community, a street person is my responsibility. If I have a care in the world I have a gift to bring.”

9. “With the farmland like a tapestry passed down through generations, there’ll be cider up near Helen off the roadside.”

10. “I swore I would never be your sinner, until I held your sin.”

11. “How long ’til my soul gets it right? Has any human being ever reached that kind of light?”

12. “And if we ever leave a legacy, it’s that we love each other well.”

13. “No way construction of this tricky plan was built by other than a greater hand, with a love that passes all our understanding, watching closely over the journey.”

14. “Go down to the riverside, take off your shoes, and wash these sins away.”

15. “If the world is night, shine my life like a light.”

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ANSWER: All of the above are from the Indigo Girls.

The gay agenda is scary. 

“If the world is night, shine my life like a light.”

Boo.

Lianna Carrera is a stand-up comic, writer and actor in Los Angeles. Follow her: @liannac

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