When Portia de Rossi and Francesca Gregorini were first photographed together by the paparazzi in 2001 quietly canoodling in an alleyway, it was impossible not to have mixed feelings about their sudden exposure to public view.
On the one hand of course, it was wonderful news – a famous and beautiful actress, and the sassy rock-singer daughter of a Bond girl (and step-daughter of a Beatle, no less), together. In love! The celebrity lesbian-couple void left by the very public Anne/Ellen and Melissa/Julie breakdowns was all but forgotten. And so too perhaps, were the smug grins on the faces of those who cheered their fall, eager to delude themselves that lesbian couples, as a rule, couldn’t last.But on the other hand, the sickening headlines that accompanied many of those first photos of Portia and Francesca, where words such as “caught!” and “exposed!” were liberally splashed across the pages (as if pictures of two women hugging and kissing represented something illegal) reminded us all that as long as there is a sense of shock felt by some around same-sex relationships, sections of the press will gladly exploit it every time and for every penny it is worth.
However, since those initial revelations about Portia and Francesca, the two women have conducted themselves and their relationship with a level of dignity and grace that has, possibly, re-written the book on how to be publicly in love with someone of the same gender.
Not that there ever really was a book.
In years gone by, there seems to have been only two alternatives for a lesbian celebrity to take when it came to balancing her public life with the media’s relentless and often provocative curiosity about her sexuality and love life.
1) Go completely public, in front of all the cameras, and declare “I’m a lesbian!” in the hope that by blowing the secret wide open, the world will respect your honesty and leave you alone.
or
2) Go completely into hiding, refusing to ever talk about your love life in interviews, and keeping your partner so hidden from public view that many people will have doubts (right until the bitter end) as to who you love. Or whether you even have a love life.
But Portia and Francesca have approached things a little differently – a kind-of hybrid method of the old ways. As anyone knows, love is not always a feeling that can be kept a secret, nor is it usually able to withstand the intense scrutiny of the public spotlight.
After the news first hit the airwaves, Portia and Francesca seemed to ignore all requests for interviews that might involve questions about their relationship. But they also began to appear together in public, with a complete lack of fuss, holding hands and wearing engagement-type rings on their left ring fingers.Later, they continued to ignore requests for interviews, but kept appearing in public. And since then, they’ve kept on appearing. And kept on ignoring. Appearing. Ignoring. Appearing. Ignoring. And all the while, they have continued to look cozy, in love, and best of all, oblivious to what all the fuss is about.
The truth is, the fuss over their relationship has never reached anything like the kind of fever pitch you’d get if you called a press conference or appeared on a chat show to formally warble to the whole world that you’re a lesbian. And yet, everyone knows that they are together. How can that be?“It sounds so trite, but my private life is mine,” Portia told an Australian newspaper in May. “When you have the paparazzi hiding in the bushes outside your home, about the only thing you can control is how you respond publicly. When I hear celebrities talking about their marriages or other things that are intensely personal, I cringe. I just think, ‘Keep it to yourself’. It’s like desperate attention-seeking.”
In terms of their relationship being a marketable commodity, right now it’s almost as if they’ve got the media on a leash. Anne Heche’s emotional acrobatics of several years ago, were easy to write about, and the media interest in Anne/Ellen shifted plenty of papers back in the day, despite many people not even knowing who Anne was until she dated Ellen DeGeneres.
But what about Portia? By comparison, her star was already burning more brightly at the time of her public relationship with a woman, with her role on Ally McBeal making her one of the Top 10 Earning Australian Entertainers of 2001, rating 7th, ahead of such names as Kylie Minogue, Cate Blanchett and even Nicole Kidman according to the Australian business magazine BRW Magazine.
Anyone currently looking to generate a quick buck from a headline about her cannot prefix Portia’s name as “Lesbian Portia de Rossi!” because they don’t even know if she is a lesbian. Because is she a lesbian? Is she bisexual? Or is she simply a woman who happens to be in love with another woman?
Instead, most media reports now refer to her as “Portia de Rossi, and her girlfriend” or “Portia de Rossi and her partner” or just plain “Portia de Rossi and Francesca Gregorini.” All of which are longer, and none of which leap out of the morning paper and make people drop their toast in quite the same way that the word “lesbian!” does, especially coupled with words like “confession!”
The end result is that Portia and Francesca are keeping the details of their relationship private and dignified, but the existence of their relationship very much public – lulling the media into a new kind of submission and forcing them and everyone else to accept their personal lives with a new level of maturity.
Gossip columns have been plundering celebrity sexuality for years at the expense of the personal happiness of famous gay men, lesbians and bisexuals around the world. No doubt the papers will continue plugging away with new gossip about Portia and Francesca for a while yet, and there will be more paparazzi photos of the two women in the future.
But what is there to write about when a celebrity gives away the equivalent of their personal punch-line, without actually saying anything remotely quotable? By the time Portia and Francesca officially come out (if they ever do) who will care? We already know that they both like women. And we already know that they are in love. What more do we need?
I for one hope that they continue to be exactly who they are – a quiet inspiration to women everywhere, and a couple of modern chicks who are so comfortable with themselves and with each other that they are simply getting on with their lives, and are above the boring exposés and confessionals of old.
