Oprah has a heart of bronze

If thousands of years from now our civilization becomes eradicated, much like that of the ancient Egyptians, archaeologists will sift through rock and debris and find artifacts that lead them to the logical conclusion that America had a queen and her name was Oprah. The talk show icon’s legacy will now live on forever thanks in part to sculptor Daniel Edwards, who has recently unveiled his newest piece: “Memories of Sophie and Gracie: A Puppies’ Memorial.”

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Edwards created this monument in memory of Oprah’s Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, and Golden Labrador, Gracie, who both passed away this year. Why are the dogs sitting atop her golden head, you ask? Well, Edwards decided to take the road much less traveled in art and place them there for their literal significance: they are always on Oprah’s mind. His message received, I would say. Although Sophie died of natural causes, Oprah’s Labrador died from choking on a ball that she found somewhere within the vastness of the Winfrey estate; Edwards is hoping that his tribute to them will “serve as a reminder to all pet lovers to thoroughly ‘puppy-proof’ their pet’s habitat”. (A public service announcement might have been another helpful way to go about sending this message, but I won’t judge.)

This is not the first time Edwards sculpted a celebrity, or even Oprah for that matter. Back in January, he created a full body bronze sarcophagus of the TV host completely naked (and rather endowed, I might add). Edwards said he created this because he wanted to pay tribute to the closest thing we have in America to a “living deity.” I have always said that a pair of large breasts is a definite sign of godliness.

His other work includes the infamous statue of Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug (because that’s how pop stars roll when they are birthing babies.)

Additionally, he created a sculpture depicting a dead Paris Hilton with cell phone in hand and a bronze sculpture of Suri Cruise’s — how do I put this — baby poop. There, I said it.

It is such a relief to know that not only are our celebrities immortalized on film and in photographs, and now, thanks to Daniel Edwards, we can look to raw materials as a way of commemorating them. That reassurance aside, personally I could never see myself adorning my apartment with monuments of Oprah or any child’s excrement — celebrity or otherwise.

Are these works of brilliance? Or just a crazy artist obsessed with women in pop culture?

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