I have a disclosure to make:
“Ace” is not my full name. It’s actually “Ace Randy Gal.” I
have, however, been known to answer to “Carnage Lady.” And occasionally
to “Calendar Gay.”
These monikers are the result
of a boring afternoon at work coupled with the The Internet Anagram
Server. Put a bunch
of word nerds in the same room as an anagram server, and you’ve got yourself
a party! That was eight years or so ago. “Ace” stuck, and the anagram
server (plus the less labor-intensive Anagram Genius Server) get revisited from time to time.
Recently, I spent some time procrastinating with the servers and had
a blast. Because I’m that big a geek. And because I really didn’t want
to do my work.
I learned that one of my friends
is an “Arch Lesbian.” And that an AfterEllen.com staffer could be
an “Old Animal.” And that there are no good anagrams for my girlfriend’s
name. (However, one version of our dog’s name comes out to “Destroyer
and Might,” which I think he likes.)
But on the celebrity front,
the possibilities abound. (For the record, all of the following anagrams
come from the Internet Anagram Server, the Anagram Genius Server or
I began with The L Word, just because.
is “Token Enigma.” And Erin Daniels
is “Ideal Sinner.” (I’m sure my girlfriend thinks so, anyway.) And
Jenny Schecter is “Insufferable, dog-killing wack job.” (But
that’s just commentary, not an anagram.) Mia Kirshner
is “Shinier Mark” (but if you misspell “Kirshner” as “Kirschner,”
you get “Manic Shirker”!) Jenny Schecter + Sounder
= “Jesus! Northern Decency.” Daniela Sea is “A sane ideal.” And, for the
record, Bette Porter + Tina Kennard = “Broke, penitent
Then I moved on to Law and Order: SVU because I like to think about Mariska Hargitay.
The SVU anagrams could almost
read as surreal dialogue:
Mariska Hargitay: “I am rakish,
am a taunter.”
And then Diane Neal
cuts them an “Inane Deal.”
has a few.
Lahbib is “Bimbo
Inhales” — which doesn’t seem very nice. But Helen
Stewart is “Sweet Enthrall.” And Nikki Wade is “I weak,
kind.” And together, they’re “Wanted, streak-like whine.”
Some athlete anagrams are inspired.
is “Variant rival to a man.”
“ranks as man, I note.”
And Brandi Chastain
is “this drab maniac.”
And some singers are perfect.
To Celine Dion, one
can say, “No, I decline.” And to Whitney Houston, “Shut it now, honey!”
Dolly is “Dynatrollop” — which could
be a song title.
And Carrie Underwood: “Adore … or crude win?”
Of course, there are plenty
more AfterEllen.com favorites to consider.
We learn about Sigourney Weaver, “Reviews anger you.” And we hope
that if she has them, Kyra Sedgwick
does not “wreck gay kids.” And Claire Danes thinks “lads are nice.”
Re: Sarah Michelle
Her’s real magical.” Cate Blanchett should “cancel that bet.” And Kate Winslet is “sweet-talkin’.”
And then there are the couples.
Paulson and Cherry Jones inspire, “Oh, Jesus! Hypercarnal
And Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn produce “mightily elementary madness.”
Finally, Jodie Foster
and Cydney Bernard leave “nearby defectors joy-ridden.”
The world of politics, however,
is where things get a little eerie.
Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton tells us, “Only I can thrill.”
Under her full name, Hillary Rodham Clinton, she wants to “Lynch harlot in mid-oral.” (Which
brings us, inevitably, to Monica Lewinsky, “Lo, my wank is nice.”)
William Jefferson Clinton “jilts nice women. In for fall.” And
together, Bill and Hillary Clinton “chill on brilliantly.”
On the Republican side, we
know of George Bush, “He bugs Gore.” And George W. Bush, “He grew
bogus.” Of Republican contender Mitt Romney, “My! Merit
not.” And Condoleeza Rice might want to “decolonize race.”
(The first female Secretary of State, Madeline Albright, could
retort, “I’m the able darling.”)
Along similar lines, former
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was “that great charmer.”
And former Prime Minister Golda Meir could have sacrilegiously
claimed, “E.g., I am Lord.”
Finally, in the quasi-religious
quadrant, we have vitriolic pundit Ann Coulter.
— aka “Unclean Rot.” Personally,
I’d rather be “Ace Randy Gal.”
Those are only a few of the
endless anagram options! You, too, can while away the hours finding
variations on your name and others. Check here for one (usually pretty good) anagram
per name, and here for every possible anagram per name.
And report your finds!