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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (November 2, 2007)

FROM DR. LECTER TO DR. YANG: NOW THAT’S TRADING UP! TVGuide.com’s Michael Ausiello recently talked to Brooke Smith about her once guest-starring, now regular role on Grey’s Anatomy. Smith plays Seattle Grace’s new chief heart surgeon, Erica Hahn. Now that she’s going to be around more often, Smith is pondering some possible romantic entanglements for her character. “The other day I joked, ‘I know who I’m hooking up with!'” she told Ausiello. “There’s this surgical nurse who’s always there. When she’s there I’m thrilled, because she always makes me feel very real – ’cause she’s a real [surgical nurse]. I turned to her at one point and said, ‘Are you single on the show?’ She doesn’t even have a name on the show and I’m already trying to hook up with her.”

You make me feel mighty real, too, Brooke. But it gets even better:

Ausiello: I can see Dr. Hahn hitting it off with Cristina. Smith: Secretly, we pushed for that. You know, Sandra [Oh] and I played lovers in [the off-Broadway play] Stop Kiss.

Ausiello: You know, there were rumors a while back that Cristina might be bisexual…. Smith: I know. I heard those rumors.

Ausiello: Then it’s destined to happen! Smith: That’s what I think. But I don’t know….

Ausiello: I think Dr. Hahn would make an awesome lesbian. Smith: I think so, too.

Ausiello: Could it happen? Smith: I honestly don’t know. I’ve certainly let [the producers] know I’m open to it.

Wow! Before you ask, Brooke herself isn’t gay, despite that impressive openness. But with a friend like her, who needs a girlfriend? Other than Dr. Yang, I mean.

Sarah gave us a glimpse of those Cristina rumors (actually much more than rumors; they were based on a casting call for a female character’s ex-girlfriend) back in March of last year, and Smith’s character has been setting off everyone’s gaydar for years now. Dare we hope? I’ve been a Brooke Smith fan ever since The Silence of the Lambs (she was the one who had to put the lotion in the basket), and her recent turn on Weeds was both hilarious and poignant. I might actually have to start watching Grey’s again, though I reserve the right to plug my ears every time McDreamy mopes or Meredith minces.

In related news, the masterminds at Maxim recently declared Sandra Oh one of the “Unsexiest Women Alive,” once again proving their supreme idiocy.

Hey Brooke, do you still have Dr. Lecter’s phone number? I know some interns at Maxim who’d be plenty tasty with fava beans.

SARAH SHAHI DOES EVERYTHING HOTTER The Nov. 6 issue of The Advocate features an interview with Sarah Shahi (The L Word). It starts out strong:

The Advocate: In 2006 you were number 66 on the Maxim Hot 100, but this year you were number 5 on the AfterEllen.com hot list. That means lesbians have better taste in women than straight men, right? Shahi: Of course! Lesbians do everything better.
As if that weren’t enough to secure her a permanent spot on the aforementioned list, Shahi also said she has “no aversion to playing a gay character again,” especially if she could do so opposite Penélope Cruz or Rachel Weisz. And she believes it’s important to represent:
[W]hen I was on [The L Word] … I definitely felt I was representing a group of people who had very little representation on television. And I felt, Leave them the f— alone. [Gay couples] are no different than heterosexual couples – sometimes they even function better than heterosexual couples. That was the biggest revelation I had … What is the big f—ing deal? They’re just like everyone else; leave them alone.
Swoon! I still can’t believe anyone would leave this woman standing at the altar. Yes, I know that was Carmen the character, not Sarah the actress, but it still makes about as much sense as that bathroom scene between Carmen and Jenny – which, by the way, Shahi calls “the strangest thing I ever had to do.” I said something similar when I watched that scene; well, I think it was more along the lines of “Holy Schecter, my eyes, my eyes!”

BEEN THERE, VLOGGED THAT That issue of The Advocate also includes a profile of Bryan Fuller, the openly gay creator of Pushing Daisies. Fuller notes that Kristen Chenoweth‘s character, Olive, was originally supposed to be a lesbian. (Sarah heard this from Bryan at the TCA Summer Press Tour in July, and broke the sad news to AfterEllen.com readers in She Made Me Watch This! a few weeks ago.) It seems an executive at ABC decided to make Olive straight in order to maximize the kooky love triangle possibilities. I’ve also heard that Swoosie Kurtz‘s character was originally supposed to have a peg leg and a pet toucan as well as an eye patch. But a different ABC executive made her obsessed with cheese instead, presumably hoping to maximize the tasty triangular cracker possibilities.

WAIT, I KNOW THIS ONE: THE ANSWER IS “SO TOTALLY GAY” WNBA star Sheryl Swoopes held court at a Unitarian Universalist Meeting House during the annual Women’s Week in Provincetown, MA (thanks to thelinster for the tip!). Swoopes was interviewed by comedian Vickie Shaw, who cheekily asked her, “How gay is the WNBA?” Swoopes, who came out in 2005, quipped, “It’s no gayer than the NFL or the NBA.” She said there are plenty of straight players and “it’s a huge stereotype that all the women are gay.” Well, fine, but have you seen the crowds at WNBA games? That’s no stereotype: That’s science. She noted that some players are still reluctant to come out, fearing a lack of support from the league. Maybe this is one of those chicken-and-egg questions: Would the WNBA (and the NFL and NBA, for that matter) be gayer if the league were more supportive, or would the league be more supportive if more players came out? (But the larger, much more mind-blowing question is how it’s possible that there’s a basketball player with the last name Swoopes. It’s like that woman I knew in college whose last name was Gay, and she was bi. Trippy!)

Swoopes also criticized league officials for failing to market to the LGBT community. She said she feels that failure personally, because since coming out, she’s been less prominently featured in WNBA ad campaigns. But she doesn’t regret a thing; she says she’s stronger and much happier living life outside the (no doubt high-top-filled) closet with her longtime girlfriend, Alisa Scott.

“If we don’t live our lives and be who we are and come out and share that with the world … we’re going to forever feel like we’re less than everyone else,” she told Bay Windows. OK, that’s good enough for me: I’m declaring her MVP of AfterEllen.com. (And no, I am not just angling for a free pair of Air Swoopes.)

PAULSON RAISES INTEREST RATES ON WISTERIA LANE Back in September, Sarah shared the news that Sarah Paulson will guest star as the sister of Felicity Huffman‘s character on this season of Desperate Housewives. We now have the pictures to prove it. In this first one, Felicity looks like she’s about to sneeze: And in this one, I like to think the offstage sneeze has flattened a nearby lawn ornament – or maybe one of the new gaybors: Yeah, I’d rethink my visit to dear old sis if I were you, Sarah. Maybe swing by 24 instead to say hello to President Cherry Jones.

IF SHE COULD TURN BACK TIME On the Oct. 30 episode of Fox’s quirky scientists-who-sleuth show Bones, forensic artist Angela (Michaela Conlin) had an intriguing blast from the past. The backstory is a little convoluted, so I’ll cut to the chase: During a discussion with a private investigator, we learn that Angela is just as open-minded as we always suspected. Here’s a clip:

   

P.I.: Angela Montenegro is not your birth name. You changed your name on your 18th birthday because it came to you in a dream. … Angela: I never told anybody about that. P.I.: Yes, you did, actually. A girl named Roxy whose heart you broke in second year art school. Angela: [chuckling] Wow. Roxy.
Angela seems to recall Roxy pretty fondly, doesn’t she? And the show gets big points for presenting that tidbit so matter-of-factly, or at least not in a Tila Tequila—esque way. I’ll take a slightly befuddled chuckle over a staged “I’m a bisexual!” any day.

Later in the episode, Angela dresses up as Cher (in the Oscars ’86 Bob Mackie outfit, natch) for Halloween. That’s not at all related to the secrets from her past, but it seems like great fodder for fan fiction. Also, Temperance “Bones” Brennan (Emily Deschanel) dons a Wonder Woman costume. Do with that what you will.

IN OTHER SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE The CBS courthouse drama Shark also featured a refreshing reaction this week. Watch this clip, in which attorney Madeline Poe (Sarah Carter) suddenly finds herself in a different kind of negotiation with opposing counsel:

   

Shark gets it right, Bones gets it right – am I sensing a theme here? I mean, other than some sort of 1970s horror movie mashup? I want my gay-friendly, one-word-titled TV!

For more on this disturbingly positive trend (or at least more on these two instances of it), watch the new episode of She Made Me Watch This! on Friday night.

DYKES ON BIKES I’m not sure what to call it when someone sort of slides out of the closet in a not-at-all-showy way. Sneaking out? Stealthing out? Or maybe just being out? Anyway, Kirsten Vangsness, who plays Penelope Garcia on Criminal Minds, recently did that on her CBS blog:

Saturday my girlfriend and I (Happy Late National Coming Out Day) bought bikes for the [MS] ride. I’m kinda afraid of the riding; KV has some fine motor skills issues she has yet to resolve from her youth.
The rest of the blog entry is pretty much incomprehensible to me. For example, regarding her pinkish hair, Vangsness says, “It’s like I’m an alien and on my planet God gives the folks pink highlights when they spend too much time out in the Sun by the beach – whoops, different planet – I mean, when they spend too much time out in the Mort by the Purple Whoflappler.” Whoa. But hooray for bikes and being out!

AfterEllen.com reader Catriona notes in the forums that Vangsness and costar Paget Brewster recently traded some flirty banter during a MediaVillage.com interview. Brewster said she has a crush on Vangsness’s character, and Vangsness said she’s rather fond of Brewster’s character too, joking, “Watch out for that storyline in season three!” Are you reading this, Criminal Minds people? That sweeps episode is writing itself!

I THINK I FINALLY KNOW WHAT FAITH MEANT BY “FIVE BY FIVE” Yesterday Dorothy Snarker shared some joyous news: Eliza Dushku will soon be back on TV, in a show created by Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer). If you just can’t get enough Eliza – and who can, really? – here’s a clip from her forthcoming film Sex and Breakfast (thanks, jennifer from pittsburgh!):

   

Did you hear what I heard? Did she say, “I have always wanted a woman”? I feel like I’ve just watched a Buffy fan video, and I think I know what the next line should be: As Faith once said, “Want. Take. Have.”

Sex and Breakfast (slated for limited release Nov. 30) centers on the adventures of two young couples who “experiment with anonymous group sex as a way to revitalize their troubled relationships.” They eventually learn that “love and lasting relationships are ultimately about more than sex and breakfast.” Or, as Faith would say, “Isn’t it crazy how slayin’ just always makes you hungry and horny?”

Wow. The line between the Buffyverse and this world just gets way too blurry sometimes.

JUST YOU WAIT, MISSY HIGGINS, JUST YOU WAIT … FOR STARDOM! Like many a circumspect celeb, Australian singer-songwriter Missy Higgins has been reluctant to discuss her personal life. But in a recent interview with Melbourne’s Cherrie magazine, “The magazine for not-so-straight girls about town,” Missy said the term “not-so-straight” fits her just fine:

Um, yeah, definitely. I think a lot of people fall under that broad umbrella term. I think sexuality is a fluid thing and it’s becoming increasingly more acceptable to admit that you’re that way.
And she wants to keep things fluid and undefined: “I don’t think it’s necessary to have to define yourself by any label. If you’re comfortable with who you are and you know who you are on the inside, people will love you for it.”

You know what else they’ll love you for? Your music, if it’s this good:

   

Higgins’ new album, On a Clear Night, was released in April, and she will soon embark on a national (i.e., Australian), carbon-neutral (i.e., un-American) tour- visit her website for details.

MAYBE MY RIGHT SOCK CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT Meet A [SOH-Shuhl] Art, a band based in Calgary that aims to “simply just rock your left sock.” Krystle Brieger and Maggie Yu prove that electronica (or is that electroacoustica?) can do more than foster inscrutable T-shirts. BeatRoute magazine praised their harmonizing and the intimate feel of their live performances: “[They] blush, shake their hips, and sing with eyes-closed conviction.” Close your eyes and imagine that while you listen to their song “She Told Me”:  

Visit A [SOH-Shuhl] Art’s MySpace page for more groovy beats, unpronounceable words and info about upcoming shows.

BECAUSE THERE’S MORE TO LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS THAN A U-HAUL Though straight folks seem to have an unending supply of dating manuals and relationship guides, queer women have had fewer options (and most of them are sex guides, which, though quite useful and necessary, don’t tell you how to deal with your partner’s spendthrift ways). Here to fill that void are Curve advice columnists Lipstick & Dipstick with their new book, Lipstick & Dipstick’s Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships.

If you’ve never read Lip & Dip’s advice, be forewarned: It is not for the faint of heart! As they write in the book’s Prologue about their style, “OK, there’s a lot more crass honesty than tenderness, but we do our best to soften the blows.”

Written as a dialogue between Lipstick (Gina Daggett), a self-described femme, and Dipstick (Kathy Belge), a longstanding butch (no, they are not together), the book covers everything from when to move in together and how to deal with infidelity to how to keep the love alive decades from now. Along the way, you get a heaping dose of Lip and Dip’s snarky-but-loving commentary. For example, here’s a sample from “Lipstick’s Top Ten Signs It’s Not Going to Work”:

1. She’s already figuring out ways to help you spend your trust fund. 2. You had to call the police on one of your dates. 3. You saw a Bush/Cheney sticker in her desk drawer. 4. Her boyfriend insists on Saturday nights. … 8. She says she’s “pretty sure” she’s gay. … 9. You overhear her tell her friends that she’s stopped taking her meds and they’re concerned.
Frighteningly realistic, eh?

If that’s not enough to convince you to give Lip & Dip a try, OK, yeah, they thanked Malinda in the Acknowledgements. Yes, Malinda likes Gina and Kathy! There, now go get your own copy.

SUBTLE TITLE, LADIES! A reader (thanks, coque!) alerted us to the Spanish online series Chica Busca Chica (Girl Looks for Girl), which will soon be shown on Terra TV. The show was created and produced (and obviously titled) by lesbians. Here’s a promo:

   

Me gusto! Visit the show’s official site for more.

PHENOMENAL WOMYN A new documentary called black.womyn.:conversations seeks to capture dialogue between black lesbians from all walks of life. Participants include author/artist Staceyann Chin, poet/author Cheryl Clarke, filmmaker Aishah Shahidah Simmons, hip-hop artist Hanifah Walidah, filmmaker Michelle Parkerson, author Fiona Zedde and more.

Here are some clips:

   

The director and producer, Tiona M., found inspiration in her own experiences and those of her friends. The film, she told us, covers a wide variety of topics, “from coming out, sexuality and religion, on down to discrimination and homophobia.”

Postproduction on the documentary is about to wrap up, and Tiona hopes to submit the film to festivals in 2008. A DVD release is planned for next year as well. For more info, visit Tiona’s MySpace page or the film’s official blog.

FROM PINING TO GIGGLING IN A FEW STROKES OF A PEN As a token of gratitude to Strangers in Paradise fans who check his blog even on slow news days, comic book genius Terry Moore recently posted this provocative portrait of Katchoo and Francine. This is a dream come true for followers of the series who continued to believe in the star-crossed pair no matter how hopeless it seemed (click the image for a larger version): If that’s what serves as a thank-you gift at Moore’s house, I’m totally going trick-or-treating there next year.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Nip/Tuck premiered Oct. 30, but offered no evidence of the lesbopalooza to come. How many times do we need to see Julian McMahon’s bare butt, exactly? Let’s hope Joely Richardson shows up next week, preferably with towheaded girlfriend in tow.

The first season of Logo’s original series The Big Gay Sketch Show will be released on DVD Nov. 7. The DVD version is unrated, so maybe little Fitzwilliam will finally get that big vagina he’s been longing for!

A new interactive web series called How Do I Say This? I’m Gay has launched on mtvU, MTV’s site for college students. The How Do I Say This? project turns questions and contributions from website users into weekly videos. The new series was inspired by an email from a college student asking for advice on coming out to her family. Check it out here.

Voting for the 2007 Weblog Awards starts today, and there are three lesbian-run blogs nominated in the LGBT category. Go vote for them now!

Don’t forget to watch the first lesbian couple to attempt The Amazing Race when the 12th season of the CBS reality series debuts this Sunday!

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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