Last night’s Teen Choice Awards could have been called the More Evidence That High School Musical Is Taking Over the Universe Awards. But I guess that would be too long to fit on the trophies. While South of Nowhere lost the Choice Breakout TV show award to Heroes, fellow AfterEllen.com reader favorite Degrassi won the Choice Summer TV award. See the complete list of winners here. In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll admit that I did not watch the show. I’m so far out of the teen demographic that to tune in would have been mildly creepy. However, I have no problem scanning the pictures afterward. Voyeurism, journalism — it’s a thin line. And with that, I give you my completely unprofessional, randomly snarky thoughts on the stars of the Teen Choice Awards.
Hilary Duff and Eve: Is this too much back and front for these ladies to be showing at a show for teenagers, or am I just a being a prude?
Ashley Jensen and America Ferrera: These two are causing me to have some decidedly R-rated thoughts during an entirely PG-rated show.
Zac Efron: He’s not a girl, not yet a woman. What? He’s pretty, that’s all.
Aimee Teegarden, Avril Lavigne and Monique Coleman: The Goldilocks scale of appropriate levels of red-carpet excitement: too much, too little, just right.
Emmy Rossum, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Megan Fox and Miley Cyrus: And the award for Less Original Than You Thought You Were goes to …
Kelly Clarkson and Ryan Seacrest: And the award for Freakiest Red Carpet Couple goes to …
Emily Deschanel: Oh, thank God, a grown-up.
John Travolta manhandling Nikki Blonsky: Oh, dear God, a creepy grown-up.
Jessica Alba and, shudder, Dane Cook: For best viewing results: Raise your right hand, put it over the corresponding side of your computer screen and, ahhh, much better.