15 Girls Who Can’t Get It

on

girlstop

After a strange summer of hibernation and ambiguous relationships, I’ve cracked out of the comfort zone cocoon to take a whack at dating, yet again. Like any modern woman, the world wide web is my go-to spot for tracking down hard-to-find desires such as mermaid artwork and hot lesbians with a sense of humor. Inspiration to share the #struggle struck when an AE reader gushed, “I wish I could sign you up for every dating site!” If you’ve ever waded into the tepid waters of online dating, you know what a churning cesspit of “Thanks. but no thanks” it is. Here’s a brief breakdown of the 15 Girls Who Can’t Get It… so far.

Let’s all sing it together:
i-dont-want-no-scrub

The girl with a boyfriend.

boyfriend

The girl who wants to go hiking on the first date.

hiking

The girl who posts baby pictures. GIRL, whose kid is that? Is that your kid? Your niece?
stop

The girl who loves dogs but acts like cats are weird spinster accoutrements. Your dog is just as annoying, and far more needy.
kitty

The girl whose prof picture is a bathroom selfie. (I CAN SEE THE SPOT WHERE YOU RECENTLY DEFECATED.)
toliet

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