Attention fellow youthful spinsters: Dattch, a Pinterest reminiscent lesbian dating app from England, just hit the American app store. I’ve eschewed dating for quite some time now, and while the scores of weeping women on my doorstep have done little to weaken my resolve, solitude’s desolation is beginning to take a toll on what little remains of my soul. I find dating underwhelming because humanity is underwhelming, my self very much included. All I require of a mate is model looks, investment banker wealth, and Rachel Maddow’s intellect. Basically Rachel Maddow.
Dattch is a dating app exclusively made for girls who like girls, no boys allowed. “Dattch is not another free lesbian dating app,” Dattch boldly proclaims. “Women aren’t the same as men. We look at things differently and we talk about different things. Problem is, no one seems to have acknowledged this before. We did.”
I’ve been hearing about Dattch from across the pond since last summer, so I was super psyched to be one of the first lesbians outside San Francisco to get an account. Dattch is free, which appeals to my frugality and minimal budget. I also like the name. OkCupid sounds puerile in comparison. While OkCupid is the largest and most detailed dating app, I swore off the OKC like a year ago and don’t intend to go back. Too depressing.
THIS NEVER HAPPENS
Let’s go over Dattch point by point. An obvious strength is aesthetic: both the website and app are beautifully designed with an airy, modern feel. Once you’ve logged in, sections include Profiles, Inbox, Would You?, and Blog. Profiles are linked to your Facebook to verify that you’re a real life queer and not some creepy guy doing creepy guy things for reasons only clear to creepy guys. Profiles are sorted without any clear order. and the search criteria is rather limited. I had hoped that Dattch would profile more sorting criteria than Tinder, but it’s basically the same: You can only limit the search to age range and distance, which really isn’t limiting enough for quality searches. Also the distance and age tools didn’t seem to really apply—I kept getting matches, like, 5000 miles away.
Building a profile on Dattch is a broad and open-ended experience. Instead of filling out boxes and answering prompts, you simply add content by adding either an image or a text bubble. In that sense, creating a Dattch profile feels very much like arranging items on a corkboard. I guess Dattch is meant to be like a Pinterest from lesbians, where other people can check out what you’re about. While I do love that the text boxes are free to be whatever I want them to be, creativity requires effort and I am lazy. Especially when it comes to filling out an online dating profile. Maybe Dattch could add some optional text prompts, or just sections for music/movies/books/TV. Those things can be annoying to fill out, but are important to know when trying to talk to girls. It’s way harder to strike up a conversation with just a picture.
Dattch brings four noteworthy innovations to the lesbian dating game. First, there’s an optional “girlfriend mode,” a super brilliant way to retain users who are looking for networking and friendship but are romantically unavailable. Basically you press a switch and are identified as girlfriend to anyone who views your profile. I know a lot of girls who would be pissed if their girlfriend maintained an OkCupid account, so this is a great way for taken lesbians to feel comfortable and not guilty for using a lesbian-finding application.
The second innovation is Dattch’s built in blog, filled with cute articles like a lesbian Buzzfeed. Third is “Would You Rather,” a cute little game where you pick between a fun activity (surfing, bungee jumping, etc) and a profile. Fun, but not remotely useful. Finally, I really love how customizable sexuality is for the Dattch app. Instead of just identifying as lesbian or bisexual, users can also identify themselves as “bi curious,” “queer” and “-.”
Dattch has made a wonderful start and shows potential to be an innovative and sleek way of meeting women. Dattch definitely feels like the coolest dating app on the market, but needs an updated search engine and more American users to compete with OkCupid. I strongly encourage all of you to sign up so I stop getting matches in London.