This October, I am getting married to an amazing woman. We’ve been together for eight years, so the news of our engagement came as a shock to exactly zero people. And even though my mom has come a long way over the years, talking to her about my (very gay!) wedding (to another woman!) still makes me feel kind of like I have acid swirling around in my belly.
She recently sent me a letter about wedding planning, and the damn thing nearly moved me to tears. Here was my traditional, Catholic mother telling me in her big, loopy, retired-kindergarten-teacher handwriting just how happy and excited she was for me and my fiancee. It was pretty perfect, right up until I got to this line:
“Please let me know when you want me to come down for dress shopping. I know the rules: no bows, no fancy stuff, no fru-fru—simple.”
Hold up. My mom’s sentiment is undeniably sweet, but… a wedding dress? I don’t consider myself particularly butch or femme—I’m just me and I wear what I like. This means that there are times (especially sticky August days in DC) when I like to wear sundresses. There are other days, however, that the idea of wearing anything feminine makes my insides itch.
So, what’s a semi-androgynous, slightly neurotic girl to do? Make elaborate pro/con lists outlining all possible wedding outfit options- that’s what. (Side note: I scribbled “heteronormative” as a negative for wearing a suit, but my fiancée countered with “gender-conforming” under the dress column—so you know we’re meant to be.)
This look might be for you if: You tend to identify as more butch than femme. You’re a sharp dresser—you may even have your own, personal tailor.
This look might be for you if: You’re not a fan of dresses, but a formal tuxedo also sounds a little bit like torture. There’s a chance you’ve always wanted to be an extra in a Mumford and Sons or Lumineers video.
This look might be for you if: You give zero fucks about traditional wedding attire. You also have a deep-seeded love of denim.
Did I miss any outfit possibilities? (I am sure I did.) Have any tips for me as I try to decide on my own wedding attire? (I hope you do.) Let me know in the comments!