It’s a new year, so let’s move forward and leave a few choice things behind. We easily came up with some people, words, dance moves and other ideas that can be forever stuck in 2013.
Group, who or what did you say goodbye to?
Marcie Bianco: “Privilege!” I am so sick of this word.
Heather Hogan: Twerking. I never want to hear about twerking again for all of my whole entire life. I was using my grandma’s iPad over the holiday and when I went to Google to search for a recipe, I saw the last things she looked up, which were like: “twerk,” “twerking,” “twerked” “is twerk a verb?” “who is miley cyrus?” “who is miley cyrus really?” “how do you clean google search history?” “twerk videoes” “how do you clean your brain?” Enough, world! Enough!
Grace Chu: Mayor Bloomberg and his weird obsession with Big Gulps.
Dana Piccoli: “Blurred Lines” No sir, I certainly do not want it. Ever again.
Ali Davis: I don’t want to hear about that Duck Dynasty guy ever, ever again. I don’t want to hear about whatever foul racist/anti-LGBT/sexist/panda-hostile thing fell out of his stupid mouth today or yesterday or a month ago, and I don’t want to see articles written by well-meaning people who are pretending to be JUST SHOCKED that the guy who believes a bunch of mean, wrong things believes another mean, wrong thing.
I don’t want to hear otherwise non-bigoted conservatives leaping to defend that jerkass because we’re all supposed to line up on two big teams and you can’t ever criticize anyone on your own team without losing politics, and don’t want to hear liberals treating this garden-variety scumball like he’s an important new voice.
I just want a flock of ducks to grab him and pinch him and fly him far, far, away.
And I don’t care where they put him down or drop him so long as I can’t hear it.
Kim Hoffman: It was never a part of me, so to leave it behind would be to say that I’d like to eternal sunshine it out of my spotless mind: #Ratchet. I am a chunk of years too old to be associated with modern rave culture, which is more than fine by me because I’d rather continue to think of rave culture as a place Emily Valentine liked to frequent a la Beverly Hills 90210. The terminology that has sprouted over the candy-striped tube sock/tutu-wearing EDM culture is a bad nightmare. Just say no to #ratchet, please.
Jill Guccini: I WISH I could leave behind people comparing Obamacare to Nazi Germany, but I just know it won’t happen. In my dreams, though.
Dara Nai: R.I.P., Facebook pictures of the amazing salad you just made, instagram photos of the amazing dessert you just ordered, the word “amazing,” article headlines that start with, “You’ll Never Guess Who…,” any outfit that any Kardashian “rocked” or “sizzled in,” boycotts, band wagons, celebrities’ babies, new money, old farts, mid-life crisis, ADHD, PTSD, GLAAD, gutless politicians, toothless reality show stars, gluten-free anything, calls to action, tacit agreements, all that damn singing on Glee, keeping it real, taking it to the next level, only living once, Sarah Palin‘s stupid mouth, Miley Cyrus’ stupid ass, Kim Jung-un‘s stupid face. crowd funding, flash mobs, public marriage proposals. pretentious intellectuals, religious nuts, lazy strippers. I could keep going, but I have to go yell at the kids on my front lawn.
Lucy Hallowell: Marks and Spencer has agreed to gender neutral packaging for all of its toys, so maybe in 2014 we can do away with the idea that boys can’t have a doll and girls can’t play with trucks. I’m sick of people saying girls don’t like “boy toys.” I don’t know what’s up with your girls but my kids like to wear their freaking princess dresses while they play with their bulldozers. Suck it gender bullshit!
Elaine Atwell: In the coming year, whenever a team of TV writers sits around a table, tossing around ideas, and one of them suggests “Hey, why don’t we kill that beloved lesbian character?” I hope the other writers pelt them with wadded up paper and say, “Jeez, don’t you think we wore that out in 2013?”
Nicole Schultz: I personally would love to not hear YOLO ever again. If it is cool to take an old phrase and make it an acronym, then let me lay some Robert Frost on ya for 2014. “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” IGO, y’all!!! I’m out.
Trish Bendix: My big wish is to never see the word “ADMITS” next to someone’s coming out announcement. No, someone did not ADMIT they were gay, or in a same-sex relationship. They might have “revealed” it, fine. But to “confess with reluctance” gives a negative connotation that is unnecessary and likely untrue. Unless someone is saying “I admit it: I’m gay!” that word needs to GTFO of any coming out related headlines or sentences.
Valerie Anne: I want the days of lady-kisses for ratings to be behind us. We’re getting there, but for heavens sake, every single show should have a gay or bi lady on it. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Even if it’s just a secondary character that may or may not become important later, or a passing main character. (Like how every few episodes of Doctor Who, someone they meet just happens to be gay.) We’re everywhere in real life, we should be everywhere on television. That’s right, you heard me, OMM. We’re everywhere.
Chloe: This is going to be unpopular but “shipping.” I just can’t get into it. I’m down to gossip about real couples and say “awww” when they break up but caring about fake couples is beyond my caring capacity.
What do you want to stay in 2013?