Dear Anna, I met an amazing lady, and at first she was giving me a very deep stare every time we met. After that, she started taking any chance to talk with me and I was kind of shy so I wasn’t talking back much. As time passed, I started having intense feelings for her but did not tell her. Three months ago, she gave me her number (I DID NOT ASK FOR IT), and recently she asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no, but when I asked her the same question she said she did. I was like, “What the hell?” Did I read the whole thing in a wrong way or what?—Miss Interpretation
Anna says: You’ve been talking for three months but your crush’s girlfriend didn’t come up all that time? Hm. Either you haven’t been communicating very much or she was keeping it from you, but my guess is it was probably the former. Instead of getting mad at her for being honest with you about her dating life—and really, she did nothing wrong—you could try being honest with her as well.
“Hey foxy crush lady, I feel like we’ve been flirting for the past few months and I was pretty surprised when you brought up a girlfriend. If I misread the signs, then my bad, but I think you’re rad and just wanted to clear up any confusion.”
Flirtation is a strange beast. With women, it’s often so subtle that we miss it completely and then are annoyed with girls don’t pick up on our lingering glances or our intentional shoulder brushing. “You were flirting with me? I thought I had a piece of lint on my jacket!” Etc.
It’s cool that you’re taking your time and getting to know this lady, but when it comes to finding out if someone’s romantic feelings are reciprocated, being direct is your best option. Since this gal did recently tell you she is dating someone, confessing your feelings is more of a long shot, but you never know. Maybe she just started dating her or maybe, given the chance, she’d rather date you. Muster up some casual courage and find out.