Piper’s revenge: Nothing says, “Thanks for fucking my ex-fiancé while I’m in prison” like a flaming bag of poo. At least Polly took it like a champ.
Polly: I deserved that.
Breaking the hunger strike: When Soso organized a hunger strike, Leanne and Angie joined in but mainly because they were bored and wanted to fight for their right to imitation maple syrup. When the guards brought in pizza to test their will, Leanne and Angie’s resolve faded instantly. Angie licked a slice or two, claiming that it didn’t count.
CO Ford: Little Caesars, it’s the only thing better than getting what you want.
That should be their new slogan.
Red’s crew and the botched assassination: When one of Red’s pals went off and shanked the wrong person, she unintentionally incited war between Vee’s gang and Red’s. Even though it was no laughing matter, Red still uses her razor sharp wit to explain the ridiculousness of the situation.
Red: You want to assassinate someone? Vision is a basic requirement! Step one: Pick a person to kill. Step two: Kill that person!
Big Boo’s Gay agenda: Feeling alienated from her former crew, Pennsatucky seeks out an unlikely friendship with Big Boo. During the blackout, Pennsatucky inquires about The Gay Agenda. Big Boo runs with it.
Big Boo: First of all, keep your voice down. This shit is top secret.
Pennsatucky: Are you going to let all the men die out?
Boo: Fuck no, we need slaves. Bookkeeping, janitorial, fetch and carry, that kind of shit.
Pennsatucky: What about for sex, coz I know I like how they smell kind of funky and they’re big and they have dicks and all that.
Boo: Maybe, but when you’re done you gotta toss ‘em away like trash. I mean the whole point of this is chicks digging each other and being in charge.
Pennsatucky: Let’s say I want to join, right.
Boo: OK let’s say that.
Pennsatucky: (whispers) Would I have to do anything disgusting against the word of God? You know, I’m talking about eating pussy if you catch my drift.
Boo: Yeah, I hear you. And that is a big part of it, I’m not going to lie. But since you have these religious convictions, eh, we can probably give you an exemption. I mean we’re not unreasonable.
Pennsatucky: Really? That would be great.
Boo: Of course you’re still going to have to go through the initiation.
Pennsatucky: Yeah, I figured.