“Painkiller Jane” Recaps: Episode 1.4 “Catch Me if You Can”

 
 

Discount Depp — The Geek Squad is in full stealth mode and armed to the teeth as they enter an abandoned industrial area. They scatter about soldier-style while some kid who looks like the Kmart Johnny Depp waits to pick them off with his sniper rifle. Who is this guy? And why does he have photos of the Squad members on this groovy little iPod-like device?

As Heartbreaker Maureen scurries “into position,” the discount Depp takes a shot at her. He misses and she yelps, “Incoming!” Somewhere across the compound, The Ugly One is probably muttering, “Duh!”

Speaking of The Ugly One, Andre radios him to find out if he's in position, and before The Ugly One can respond, the discount Depp shoots him. And then shoots Andre. And then shoots Heartbreaker Maureen. Hmm. These are heavy casualties for any TV show. Is The Ugly One going to wake up and find out it was all a dream? Will I? Or is the Sci Fi channel taking desperate measures to try to fix this ailing show?

Discount Depp exits the compound and meets up with Painkiller Jane herself. He approaches her and casually says, “So here we are.” Jane resists the urge to launch into a voiceover and merely responds with, “Yeah, here we are.” Then she pulls a gun and sticks it in his face.

Vasco V.O.: We spend our lives looking for answers. Who am I? Why am I here? Why is David Hasselhoff so big in Germany? It's like we always think that finding the answers is going to bring us some kind of satisfaction, when usually it just gets us more questions. The more things I learn about myself, the more I wish I could develop partial amnesia. Although with my luck, I'd probably remember the pain and not my name.

Yeah, we knew she couldn't resist a V.O. for long. As she speaks, we see her walking through the city with a lesbianish-looking guy. He has pretty, feathered hair and a nice smile. Aw, Jane looks genuinely happy for a change!

I wonder what terrible thing is about to happen to her?

Feather Hair tells Jane that he did a story on her old boss at the DEA who is taking an early retirement. It seems he loved the job until he was shot. Jane expresses disbelief, but Feather Hair says that you never know what you would do unless you found yourself in that person's situation.

Vasco V.O.: Brian and I have been going out just long enough for it to be exciting and scary at the same time. So much to learn about him, and so much to keep him from discovering about me.

Bingo! — A surprise rainstorm threatens to make Brian's hair fall, and also sends the lovers scurrying into the closest building. Inside, a group of seniors are playing bingo. Jane heads for the restroom to clean up and finds a mysterious note bearing her name taped to the mirror.

After tearing through the bathroom in search of whoever left the note, she opens the envelope and finds a disk and the message “3 of your team will die.”

Jane finds Brian and tells him that she has to call an end to their date, even though she can't tell him why. He takes it well and she promises that she'll make it up to him. She grabs him roughly, kisses him, then races out the door. I guess Brian's just going to have to go home and eat a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and watch some Grey's Anatomy reruns while he gives himself a mani/pedi.

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