“Painkiller Jane” Recaps: Episode 1.2 “Toy Soldiers”

A none-too-brief briefing — Andre tells the Geek Squad all about the unidentified munitions thief who was shot in the opening sequence of the show. Then he rolls some spooky tape of the zombie leaping to his feet and exiting the building.

Andre: And there he goes. That was last month. Since then, there have been two other reports. Both break-ins, both attempts to gain weaponry or surveillance gear. Where someone thought to be dead turned out not to be.

Heartbreaker Maureen, now officially part of the Squad, pipes up from the back row with a pressing question.

Maureen: Have you guys ever encountered a neuro that couldn’t be killed?
The Ugly One: Don’t know. Killing ‘em’s not in our playbook. Mostly we just chip ‘em.

McDorky wants blood samples from the crime scenes, but Andre tersely tells him that there weren’t any. He’s in a hurry to cue up the next surveillance reel.

Andre: Two weeks ago. Unauthorized entry into the safe at Farrington Construction. Designers of the new World Commerce Building.

The Feds are all over it, but if a neuro is behind these dastardly goings on, then the Geek Squad gets first dibs on taking the S.O.B. down. Maureen wants to know if the Feds are authorized to share information with the Squad, but it turns out the Feds don’t even know that the Squad exists. Gads!

IT whiz Riley tells the team that he’s trying to hack into the Feds’ database so that they can force a little “information sharing,” but he’s not having much luck. According to Andre, this means that the Squad will have to “watch the game” until it’s time to “intercept a pass.”

Ugh. I hate sports metaphors almost as much as I hate sports.

Maureen: Football. The name of my game.
The Ugly One: You play?
Jane: She’s talking about the players.

The women share a knowing laugh, but I’m with the Ugly One on this. Given Maureen’s lezzed-out vibe, it was a perfectly valid question.

Jane’s bachelor pad — Jane returns home for some time in front of the tube. She also checks her answering machine and plays back a message from some guy who calls her “honey” in a monotone voice.

Mr. Roboto: Hey honey, it’s me again. I’m getting a little concerned that I haven’t heard from you. I’m sure the new job has you busy, but give me a call, all right? Just to let me know that you’re OK.

Was the message from another agent, speaking in secret code about a work thing? From an IT guy she’s dating? Or maybe from her father who must be on some rejuvenating regimen that makes him sound at least 20 years younger than he actually is?

Jane doesn’t let on either way.

Simply the best — Riley is at the Secret Headquarters doing a little “I’m the king of the world!” monologue because he has successfully hacked into the Feds’ database.

Where the streets have no name (but Jane’s friend has several) — Across town, Jane and a sassy brunette friend are tooling through the darkened city streets together. Jane wants to know if she’s cramping her friend’s style, but the friend tells her, “No! You’re pretty hot.”

Is Jane’s friend a lady of the night?

A jerky young guy approaches them and asks, “Hey Corey, who’s your friend?”

Corey: She’s more than you can handle.
The Jerk: Yeah, right.
Corey: Hey, you want something? That you might actually stand a chance of getting?

The Jerk pulls Corey aside for a private conversation and stuffs something into her hand before walking away. Corey tells Jane that the guy was a friend, and Jane counters with, “Since when is Amanda called ‘Corey’?” D’oh! Amanda lamely replies, “Some friends you let in. Others …”

In this neighborhood, Amanda goes by Corey, and she’s not willing to say much else about it. But she’s happy to randomly pass along some black-market mini-DVDs to Jane for her viewing pleasure.

The two continue walking to a club that we’re supposed to understand is kind of “out there.” We know this because Amanda defends the club, the patrons and herself as cooler than thou because they are “different.” Jane warns her that being “different” may not be the joyride Amanda thinks it is. Amanda practically draws an imaginary square around Jane’s head when she asks, “How would you know?”

She thinks the fact that Jane is employed, has material possessions and isn’t turning tricks is evidence that she’s a big conventional dork. “Seems to me that you’re a lot like other people,” Amanda says. Jane is spared the work of schooling her when she receives a phone call and rushes away.

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