“Painkiller Jane” Recaps: Episode 1.1 “Pilot”

 
 

That’s when Team Andre notice on their monitors that Heartbreaker Maureen has just gotten a call from Liza. They try to intercept the transmission, but they have to hack into the system on an unsecured line. This means that Liza can listen in on whatever they try to tell Maureen.

On the unsecured line, Andre reminds Maureen that she is a DEA agent on assignment. But Heartbreaker Maureen is pretty much oblivious to all of it. Her eyes have gone all black and weird, which tells us that Liza is now running the show in Maureen’s head. As puppet master, Liza is instructing Maureen to head for the nearest window and jump. She reacts by charging toward a window with her mail cart. (Why does Andre always get his team members undercover jobs in the mailroom? Can’t they be assistants or something?)

Jane takes over, trying to tell Maureen that she is being controlled.

Jane: Dammit Mo, for once in your life, listen to me! Stop. This. Second. Who’s gonna be there to watch my back? Maureen! Maureen!

Jane’s codependent plea doesn’t seem to work. The team watches in horror as Maureen’s mail cart smashes through the high rise window as Jane screams her name. Miraculously, Maureen stopped herself from following the cart out the window. She smoothes her short skirt, loses the crazy look in her eye, and goes after Liza with a "V."

Hoofing it — Liza with a "V" runs outside of Vonotek and makes a beeline for the local police department. Team Andre is hesitant to follow her in because (1) the cops don’t know who they are; and (2) Liza has the ability to control the police. But what choice do they really have?

Liza tells one of the officers, "They’re coming soon," and he obediently draws his gun and opens fire on Team Andre as soon as they walk through the station doors.

Vasco V.O.: There are all kinds of decisions in life. Some more difficult than others. For the sake of the team, I knew the one I was about to make was one I couldn’t avoid. For the record, I knew something else: It was gonna hurt like hell.

Employing her handy status as indestructible, Jane draws the fire of all the cops in the station as she charges at the neuro. The mind-controlled police unload round after round into her, but she stays on her feet long enough to point her special gun at Liza with a "V" and pop a chip in her ass. Team Andre scoops up Jane and gets her back to the lab.

Back to life, back to reality — Jane comes around back at the secret headquarters and begs McDorky to figure out why she can’t die. And then she spins off on another one of her damnable voiceovers.

Vasco V.O.: When my mother died, it hurt. It hurt a lot. Something in me had changed. I realized that pain was going to be my friend, that it would sustain me and make me stronger. I just didn’t realize how much stronger "stronger" would be. Or just how changed I would become. I don’t know what happened to me or what it means. No one does yet. Right now, I’m just trying to stay focused on the job, taking one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other.

And you thought your job sucked — Later, IT nerd Riley tells Andre that he thinks he’s figured out where the Vonotek Head of Security dude went when he disappeared off their radar that day. But Andre tells him that this particular mystery falls outside the parameters of their investigation. In other words, he tells Riley to drop it.

Cut to a secret floor in the Vonotek building, where rows of humans in unflattering, white gym clothes are suspended from the ceiling by a series of tubes. And they aren’t moving. The Vonotek Head of Security strolls by row after row of their creepy, lifeless bodies. Right about now, I’m betting their lousy old work cubicles are looking pretty good.

Next time on Painkiller Jane: Jane fights a neuro that can raise the dead and Heartbreaker Maureen still seems pretty gay.

The first episode is currrently available to watch online at video.scifi.com

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