Attention all AfterEllen.com readers: the jig is up! Our secret “national underground network” of violent lesbian gangs aimed at criminal activity and recruiting girls into the homosexual lifestyle has been exposed, and we must now move to Plan B (colonizing Mars).
Yes, that’s what Fox’s The O’Reilly Factor actually suggested last week (except for the Mars part, although I’m sure someone will suggest shipping us all there any day now) in a segment they aired about the growing problem of lesbian gangs terrorizing heterosexuals by stabbing and beating them, and brandishing pink guns (as if any self-respecting lesbian would carry a pink gun).
The claims were made by host Bill O’Reilly and “Fox crime analyst” Rod Wheeler (picture above, right), a former homicide detective who is clearly either mentally unbalanced, confused, willing to say anything to get on camera, or thinks every woman who isn’t interested in him is a lesbian (or D, all of the above).
I could analyze how ridiculous and unsubstantiated Wheeler’s claims are, point out their similarity to the outrageous stories the Nazis made up about the Jews back in the day, or question how such clearly inflammatory and inaccurate assertions based on distorted information got past even Bill O’Reilly’s fact-checkers, but other bloggers have already done so quite handily (see here, here, here, and here, plus check out this gay male take, and this well-researched rebuttal).
Instead, I’ll just make fun of it. Because what else can you do in the face of such insanity? (Well, besides telling Fox what you think about these outlandish claims, boycotting companies that advertise on The O’Reilly Factor, and reading more about O’Reilly’s record of distortion, all of which I plan to do shortly).
Here are a few of the choicer statements made in the segment:
O’REILLY: In Tennessee, authorities say a lesbian gang called GTO, Gays Taking Over, are involved in raping young girls. And in Philadelphia, a lesbian gang called DTO, Dykes Taking Over, are allegedly terrorizing people, as well.
Yes, and here in my New York apartment, we have regular meetings of LSOC (Lesbians Sitting on the Couch), where we brandish hard plastic remotes menacingly at our television set while cruelly biting down on popcorn kernels. Quick, catch us before we strike again!
That’s right, don’t be mislead by the fact that 97% of pedophiles are male — it’s lesbians who are the real danger to your children!O’REILLY: When they recruit the kids, are they indoctrinating them into homosexuality?
WHEELER: Yes, as a matter of fact, some of these kids have reported being forced into performing sex acts and doing sex acts with some of these people.
O’REILLY: …it makes sense that, if you had lawless gay people, they would do this kind of thing, but you don’t associate it, you associate homosexuality more with a social movement, not a criminal movement, but you’re saying this is all over the country, detective?
WHEELER: It’s all over the country. It’s mainly in your larger cities, you go from New York to California to wherever you want to name, you can see these organizations.
Um, hate to break it you, Ron, but those “movements” happening “all over the country” are called “pride parades,” and the only thing criminal about them is the sports bra-only look some lesbians try to pass off as actual outfits.
WHEELER: “We’ve counted, just in the DC area alone, over 150 gangs or crews or networks.”
Yes, it’s true, we’re just one cell short of being a full-fledged terrorist network. Don’t bother asking us where bin Laden is — we’ll never tell!
