“Orange Is the New Black” recap (2.8): Appropriately Sized Pots

Piper tries calling home to let her mother know about her furlough, but gets her voicemail. A frantic Caputo stops dead in his tracks, thinking Piper has on lip gloss. Nope, just naturally rosy lips and long luscious eyelashes, thank you very much.

Luschek and Nicky are hanging out in the yard, while Nicky tries to work the gum wrapper lighter. Luschek gives her the scoop on CO Fisher (he got to second base) while Nicky gets a few cigarette puffs in. Caputo shows up looking for infractions, but can’t get one over on Nicky because her cig is out and hidden and her mascara is from commissary.


Piper and the newsletter staff are hard at work putting the next issue together. Daya’s interpreted Fig as a pig in heels for her comic, and Flacca’s advice column suggests socking a gal if she touches your shit. Piper says that won’t fly and they need to hurry up and finish before she heads off to her furlough. Daya and Flacca can’t believe what they are hearing, because furlough is as rare as a unicorn dancing on a pot of gold. Even Sister Ingalls thinks it’s a real miracle. Daya warns Piper that people are going to be pissed at her and to watch her back.

Bennett sits in the control room drinking a kale and date smoothie, like you do, when Caputo barges in to talk about contraband. Caputo can’t figure out where it’s coming from and it’s driving him bonkers. He warns Bennett not to befriend the inmates or allow himself to trust anyone. Then a light bulb clicks and Caputo runs off to deal with his own trust issues.


CO Ford takes a break from watching Rosa to check on Morello in the van. She causally mentions that CO Fisher used to bring her cold Dr. Pepper when she was in charge, but Ford brushes her off. He even suggests Morello cop a squat outside of the van when she has to pee. Back inside, the heist is on and Rosa sets up a diversion so Yusef can yank the nurse’s pocketbook. It works and their spoils work out to be sixty three bucks. Rosa gives Yusef his small cut but keeps the rest since she’s the brains of the operation. Yusef gets called out of the room to speak with his mother and doctor. He’s not done with her though and wants a bigger cut.

Flashback to Rosa in the getaway care with her last remaining bank robbing cohort, Donnie. They’ve bagged fifty grand and she smells the money with a huge grin on her face. She’s kissing all over him until she sees another bank and makes him pull in front. She grabs his gun, hot from the first heist and plans to make it a two-fer. Her boyfriend protests since they’ve never cased this bank before, and refuses to participate. Rosa goes in alone, and it will prove to be the last bank heist she will make.

In the salon, Sophia and Anita are razzing Piper about getting furlough. Piper talks about how going home isn’t really like going home anymore now that she and Larry aren’t together. The place she calls home is now his, and it’s all very fucked up and complicated. You know what they say, Piper. “Home is where your lotion is.” Anita asks if Piper gave Healy a handie to get furlough, but Piper vehemently denies that grossness. Piper thinks that perhaps the prison has a heart after all but Anita calls shenanigans. Anita applied twice for major life events, and was denied. Sophia applied to be at her father’s deathbed but never got to make peace with him in the end.

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