“Orange is the New Black” recap (2.10): Little Moustachioed Shit

 
 

This episode is a love letter to Piper and Alex shippers across the globe. I mean, it freaking starts off with Piper is getting off. Well, that’s an understatement. Piper is having a mind-blowing orgasm. The “I once was blind and now I see” type of orgasm. We are talking Macy’s Fourth of July, white hot, mind erasing climax. When Alex pops her head out (her black painted nails already giving her away) it’s no surprise. We are finally getting a peek at the beginning of their relationship, maybe even the first time they have had sex. Speaking of firsts, Piper kisses Alex and stares at her through lust colored lenses, and asks if she can go down on Alex. Alex teases her at first but then realizes it’s uncharted territory for Piper. Alex’s hard ass might even be a little bit touched by Piper’s desire to make Alex her first.

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Before they can get started, Alex’s damn phone rings and it’s a call she has to take. Heroin waits for no man. She pops out of bed promising to be back soon, and Piper lies naked and smiling, awaiting her return. Piper’s smile quickly fades when she sees a shadowy figure running full force toward her. The hooded woman leaps on top of the bed and punches Piper right in the nose. They tussle and fall on the floor, where the woman is finally pulled off of Piper by Alex. Turns out that the woman in the hoodie is Sylvie, Alex’s live in girlfriend. This comes as a major surprise to Piper, who is still naked and now bleeding. Sylvie (played by out actress Ashleigh Sumner) orders Piper out, and Alex promises to comply. Piper is mortified, and scrambles to get dressed while Alex attempts to explain her lack of relationship transparency. It’s obvious that Alex really likes Piper, and also obvious that she’s a total cad. Piper gets the hell out of there, leaving her shoes and a befuddled Alex behind.

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We are all brought back to reality when Piper returns to Litch after her furlough. Red greets her warmly, but Piper is being a little evasive around her roommate, not knowing how to break it that Red’s beloved shop is closed. So she pulls a classic Piper move. She lies her ass off. She tells Red she stopped by and had some sort of sweet pastry, and Red’s eyes fill with tears. She can finally rest easy that her shop is safe and sound. Red sits down and asks about Larry and Piper reveals that it’s over but that Larry slept with someone while she was locked up. Piper isn’t really upset though, she explains. It kind of feels like the universe is balanced again. Piper assumes the woman in question is their yoga-teaching neighbor. Piper says that it doesn’t matter any way, she and Larry are done so he’s free to do what he wants. Speaking of sweet freedom, Red takes this opportunity to hand Piper a letter from Alex…with a return address mere blocks away from where Piper was in Queens the night before.

Things are really beginning to change at Litch now that Vee is running the show. She and her crew get cutsies in the cafeteria line and everything. Vee picks a table that Miss Rosa is sitting at and claims it as her own. Suzanne pours a glass of water into Rosa’s meal, ruining it and forcing her to move. “You are a very rude woman,” Rosa tells Vee before she leaves. The girls are elated about their new status, loving the perks and attention. Red and Sophia are also in the caf, and Sophia is sporting a new hair cut (no, Donita did not do it, so don’t ask). Sophia trimmed it herself in anticipation of a visit from her estranged wife and son Michael. It’s Michael’s first visit, and we learn that Sophia’s son is the person who turned her in to the cops. Blessedly, Sophia doesn’t hold that against him knowing that he was just scared and angry about everything.

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