Red, who was totally right about the government contracts, is now sitting with the big brains while her husband does the serving. Just a little marriage adjustment.
Larry and Piper’s friends toast his success. Polly, who has to stay sober with the pregnancy, asks how Larry is doing. Larry recognizes that he’s lucky, but is bumming hard. He wonders if he’s an ungrateful douchebag. Polly can’t answer because she needs to go to the hospital to have a baby.
Miss Claudette asks Chapman what it’s like when Larry visits. Chapman admits it’s weird—not enough time and too much, and sometimes you just need to walk away. Chapman asks why Claudette never has visitors. She says she just needed to walk away.
Piper walks in to the living room with a pregnancy test. She thinks she might want a baby; Larry points out that she’s going to prison soon. And, wow, for the first time in I don’t know how long, a piece of popular entertainment mentions abortion as something that an established couple might discuss. Or even a white character with a job. Piper thinks a pregnancy would make her time in prison meaningful—but the pregnancy test is negative. She’s really sad. Larry is less so, but at least he hugs her.
Pete and Polly are exhausted. And parents. Larry phones it in to Chapman. He also lets her know how many people asked after her that night—even people that don’t know her, because of the article. Piper knows the girl in the article isn’t her. And asks Larry if the insults Alex threw at her are true. Everything that Piper can’t do right now is hitting her all at once.
Maria is wheeled back in and everyone goes silent. You don’t get to keep your new baby with you in prison. You just come back alone.
Nichols is listening to music on the altar when Mustache sleazebags in. He mentions Tricia’s extended sentence just to make sure Nichols is good and mad, then asks how Red gets the contraband in. Nichols is exactly pissed off enough to tell him the contraband comes in with Neptune’s Produce. Uh oh.
Taystee looks stunned. She heard back from the board… She’s getting out!
Younger Healy leads Newbie Red in, wondering if she might be interested in helping in the kitchen. She meets Norma, who’s already not speaking. Red’s not even officially kitchen help yet and she’s already eyeing the produce crates.
Mustache stops the Neptune’s Produce van for a talk with the driver.
Now Alex has the flu, but she invites weird-mood Chapman in. Alex knows Chapman’s depressed. Chapman knows how much Larry got wrong about her and her life in the article. And she’s not crazy about her life being reduced that way. Chapman feels like she’s missing so much. Alex takes her hand and twines their fingers together. And, yes, it’s sweet, but CHAPMAN: DO NOT HAVE AN EX DRUG-RUNNER GIRLFRIEND.
Alex wonders if they’re having a moment or if Chapman is freaked. Chapman just sneezes.
Mom Diaz brings her a bucket to puke in. She mothers Diaz a bit—and totally knows Diaz is pregnant.
See you tomorrow for another episode. In the meantime, enjoy your appliances exactly as you see fit.