Chapman hears Stall Woman talking to Diablo. Stall Woman walks out and eats some toilet paper. For pretend-mentally ill effect? Or maybe she’s really into fiber. Chapman goes in and nabs the phone. At least she has the good sense to flush.
Doggett catches her on the way to Healy’s office and accuses her of teacher’s petting. And also shows Chapman her meth teeth. Doggett says her cousin got all new teeth. I’m not clear on where she’s going with this. Chapman says she doesn’t think the WAC can get Pennsyltucky new teeth. Doggett says, probably correctly, that the prison authorities will treat Chapman well and then drop her. Doggett asks what Chapman is selling everyone out for.
Red is busy peeling spuds, and Mustache dicks in and demands that she make him a sandwich. There is a horrible part of me that is kind of rooting for him to get stabbed. Mendez pressures Red to help him smuggle drugs in through her kitchen. Red doesn’t do that. She says he has nothing to threaten her with. Mendez knocks a bin to the floor and says things are getting messy.
Healy notes that everything has been deleted from the phone except for the one picture Chapman saw. She won’t say where she found it or whose it is. Healy won’t open the track unless she rats someone out. Chapman tells him to enjoy the phone and leaves.
Taystee is pouting. She and her friends try to choose a cut and speculate on the racial makeup of the parole board. They decide Taystee needs to look like the white girl’s black best friend in the movies, which is kind of genius. Taystee suggests 2009 Rihanna. Oof.
Figueroa Who Never Helps Anyone tosses the phone onto Caputo’s desk. That man has had a lot of vagina thrown on his desk lately. Figueroa says Healy found it. Caputo tries to throw shade on Healy, but it doesn’t stick.
Chapman is repairing a light. She’s really getting better at this. Or at least one hopes. Fischer, the nice new guard, holds her ladder steady, then says she thinks she knows Chapman. Turns out Fischer used to bag her groceries back in Red Hook. Chapman used to forget her cloth bags all the time and then go get them and make Fischer repack her groceries. We’re not even remotely surprised by this information.
Fischer says she thinks she and Chapman are the same; they both made mistakes, but only one of them got caught. Chapman asks Fischer if she’d like to help boost morale.