“Orange is the New Black” recap (1.7): Blood donut

 
 

Kitchen!

Miss Claudette is making some dessert with Red. How did this alliance not happen sooner? Well, anyway, I’m glad it is. Red says Norma, who doesn’t speak, got her a vocabulary improvement book out of the library. I am very interested in seeing Norma’s flashback.

Red spotted Claudette over a law book the other night, just saying. Claudette wants vanilla, and Red gets it from a locked hiding place. She says “You get too comfortable, people take advantage,” and she makes a mustache.

oitnb_Claudette Red

Crawlspace!

Watson and Chapman crawl around looking for an electrical problem. Chapman will not shut the hell up. Chapman discovers that a wire has been chewed through and reminisces about her brother’s pet rat. Watson had a very different experience with rats as a child.

Chapman is being super nice to Watson. Watson, who has figured out more about prison than Chapman, knows that no one is that nice here without a reason. She figures out that Chapman must be the one who lost the screwdriver that got her sent down to SHU, and she is seriously pissed.

Rec room!

Diaz teaches Fischer, the new guard, how to play dominoes. Bennett smiles at them.

Morello shows Norma her vision board of places she’s going to travel when she gets out. Norma responds to a particularly good part of Morello’s plan by writing “indubitably” on her note pad.

Oh. Wow. Boo just walked in with an extremely cute dog. I know I should be happy, but I am very, very concerned for the well being of this dog, you guys. Prison has taught me not to trust anything that seems too good. I mean, um, yay!

oitnb_LittleBoo

Tricia discourages Taystee from wanting to get out too soon. “The Road Not Taken” comes up, and Chapman explains that it doesn’t mean what everyone thinks it means; that it’s really about assigning artificial meaning to our meaningless lives in hindsight. Taystee and Tricia are vastly annoyed with her for being overeducated and thus a buzzkill. This can’t be the first time this has happened. Tricia says she’ll kill Chapman in her sleep and Taystee approves.

Caputo grossly and inappropriately flirts with Fischer the new guard by talking about how a lot of dog names sound like something filthy. Like shih tzu. Fischer contributes “poodle,” and I think we might have a socially awkward love connection.

Boo names her dog Little Boo. Stay well, Little Boo.

Laundry!

Chapman brings her bundle down and Alex is there. Alex lets her drop off a late bundle. Chapman tries reminiscing about staying at the Four Seasons together. No dice. Finally Chapman says there are no hard feelings, and asks to be friends. Alex snots away. Really? Has Alex forgotten who did the ratting out here?

Healy’s house!

Healy’s wife and mother-in-law are arguing over pole dancing classes in Ukrainian. Healy’s wife is wearing her new dress. Healy asks for English at the table, and Mother-in-Law subtitles “Two more years for a green card.” Poor Healy. Healy’s wife says her new dress is very… Blue. Mom-in-law seems to think Healy’s an OK guy, but will be taking advantage of him nonetheless.

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