Chapman sits down at a table with Morello, Alex, and Nichols (Hi, Nichols!). Wow, Sit with Your Ex Day seems like a terrible theme meal.
Morello is running for the WAC as Red’s pick. Nichols is surprised and a little hurt by that news. She also thinks a “real dyke” should be the pic. Nichols is still a tad bitter about her breakup with Morello.
Morello explains that her only competition will be “Pensatucky,” who is mean Fundamentalist Doggett from the last episode. Turns out you can only vote within your own tribe: White, Black, Hispanic, Golden Girls, and Other. And the prison officials totally sanction that. Holy crap. This episode is not going to get less racially uncomfortable, so strap in.
We learn that Morello’s entire worldview is based on West Side Story and that she’s racist about Latinos, rattling off stereotypes like she’s channeling Fox News coverage.
Sophia wants to run on human rights and medical care reforms. Taystee wants to run on treats and better television. Sophia is toast. Taystee and Pousséy do an extended bit mocking boring uptight white people.
At the Latina table Maritza wants to run on pizza, and she and her rival immediately get distracted by stereotypes about black people.
Can we talk about how a) this episode is very uncomfortable and your faithful recapper would really like to spend some quality time in the fetal position and b) how sad it is that there are this many really good actresses of different races, ages, and body types, but to get them all on TV it has to be on a show about prison?
There’s a little more casual racism to be had, but then upon the talk of trouser meat, the whole room is united in chanting sex noises. Yay?
Nichols is bummed that Red chose Morello as her WAC candidate instead of Nichols. Red says that Morello is pretty and listens and knows how to keep her head down when she needs to. She doesn’t want Nichols in more trouble.
Mustache comes in, deliberately making a mess and being a dick. He finds Red’s contraband electric vibrating toothbrushes and Red says, “My girls are very concerned about their oral hygiene.” Heh. Mustache wonders if Red’s bringing in cameras or cell phones too. He says the smuggled phone is getting in the way of his business and he doesn’t like competition.