Outside the guards’ area!
Mustache Mendez arrives for work and sees another guard’s bag getting searched for the cell phone that must have taken the renegade vagina shot. Mendez decides he should maybe put that contraband back in his car.
Nichols (Hi, Nichols!) has been watching the visits and tells Chapman she looks like her mom. Chapman’s not crazy about that resemblance right now. Nichols says Chapman is in denial, and she agrees: “I’m a WASP. That’s what we do.”
Chapman sads exactly one too many times and Nichols tells her to be grateful to have a mom who shows up and buys her pretzels and hugs her.
Nichols is in the hospital after heart surgery from drug-related infections. Her mom is there, but not happy. They don’t get along well. Mom knows when her junkie daughter lies about being clean and Nichols knows when she’s been neglected for her entire childhood and raised in a separate apartment by a nanny. Nichols might like a post-surgery hug or some hand-holding, but that’s apparently a lot to ask.
Diaz walks right up to Mom Diaz and slaps her. She also calls her a slut. The Diaz women believe in direct payback.
Polly won’t take Chapman’s calls. Can we blame her?
He’s questioning the guards, trying to figure out who has a camera. The unhelpful visiting room guard astutely points out that Mendez and his mustache seem super creepy, but then expands that theory to all mustaches.
Bennett is maybe a tiny bit nervous about being questioned about inappropriate relationships. I think what brought Bennett and Diaz together is their complete lack of poker faces.
Susan, a new guard, comes in for a briefing. Caputo shows her the outlaw vagina. He really needs to get a cover sheet for that.
Taystee wants to watch sharks, because duh, and Pousséy wants to watch cooking. Tensions are rising.
Morello, Boo, and Norma are playing Scrabble. (With a homemade board and tiles!) Morello, using West Side Story as an example, points out that the word “knifes” exists if you use it as a verb, Boo mocks Morello and her wedding preparations, and suddenly everyone is screaming. Healy is having a bad day. He’s bringing back the Women’s Advisory Council, and the election on Saturday.