“Orange is the New Black” recap (1.5): The Chickening

Rec room!

Alex and Morello are there. Chapman is feeling all happy and mystical from the outdoors and the fall colors. She mentions the chicken and the whole room reacts. Morello tells her to tell Red about the chicken.

Bathroom stall!

Diaz reads her note. Bennett apologizes for having to be a dick and asks her to meet him. Diaz flushes the note, which leads us into…

Diaz flashback!

Her little sister just flushed a Barbie. Mom Diaz is pissed, but can’t stick around. She’s all gussied up to go out. And also has a wicked scorpion tattoo. Mom Diaz tells the kids to get a tattoo and leaves with “I’m eating oysters, bitches.”

Kitchen!

This alleged chicken sighting is the most exciting thing anyone in the kitchen has ever heard of. Apparently Chapman has seen a legendary superchicken who escaped slaughter at a nearby farm.

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Oh, freaky. Red says the chicken came to her in a dream. She wants some real, fresh, just-killed, not-processed chicken Kiev, and promises a box of Bioré strips to anyone who can bag the bird. I did not, until that line, know that Bioré stips were still a thing. Interesting product placement strategy.

Outside!

Sophia chats with Sister Ingalls and makes sure she knows she loves Jesus and is curious about communion. The two walk into the chapel to find Doggett and friends trying to hang her cross from an electrical pipe. That is not a euphemism. The Sister reminds Doggett that she’s not supposed to do that, and Sophia points out that that’s not a load-bearing pipe. Which, it turns out, is a very important piece of information. The whole shebang comes crashing down on the altar, along with a whole lotta ceiling and some more pipe.

Doggett does not take hints from God well.

Visiting room!

Larry is bored by the chicken story and Polly is passive-aggressively screwing up their whole deal for putting their soaps in Barney’s. Whoops! Larry and Chapman had been counting on that deal for income. Like any income. Polly is a wee bit resentful about Piper starting a business with her and then going to prison. Chapman tries to figure out how she can get on a conference call with Barney’s without them knowing she’s in prison. Larry also hasn’t checked to see if Alex ratted out Chapman. Speaking of people who have resentments…

Anyway, Chapman lets it slip that Alex is inside with her and suddenly everyone is wondering if Chapman will sleep with someone in prison. At least they’re on the same page with the viewing audience.

Guard station!

Diaz picks up a hidden stick of gum. Aww.

Chapel!

Oh, no. Mustache Mendez is apparently heading up the repair of the damage to the chapel. The electrical and construction team is here. One prisoner asks why Doggett wasn’t sent to SHU for this since Watson was sent down just for saying something. Doggett says she was just doing as the Spirit demanded.

Chapman asks for some masks for the mold and the asbestos and stuff, and Mustache actually asks Bennett to look for one.

Oh, no, Doggett is a pill. She says that Sophia should have to leave, because Sophia is the reason God collapsed the chapel roof. This is exactly the kind of thing that makes actual Christians cringe. Mustache gets in Doggett’s face and tells her she is not an agent of God. Dammit, show, don’t make me agree with Mendez.

Sister Ingalls stands up for Sophia, noting that she just wants to help clean up the mess that Doggett caused. Mustache undercuts his earlier point with some truly impressive blasphemy.

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