“Orange is the New Black” recap (1.4): Imaginary Enemies

 
 

Electrical shop!

Chapman takes a break from being a terrible electrician to go to lunch with Nichols (Hi, Nichols!) and absentmindedly sticks a screwdriver in her hoodie pocket. Learning curve, Chapman! LEARNING CURVE! Uh oh.

oitnb_Screwed Lunch

Chapman chats with Nichols, but they seriously only have like 30 seconds to eat their bag lunches. (Where do those come from?) Chapman says she’s still working on realizing she’s in prison (Oh, really?) and then loses her hoodie with the screwdriver in it on the ground. Oh, Chapman.

Healy’s office!

Healy says that Claudette’s case is being reviewed for possible early release. Like way early. Miss Claudette says no thanks; she doesn’t want to dredge up the past just for disappointment.

Claudette’s flashback!

She’s now in charge of the work house/indentured servitude/house cleaning slave labor ring.

Handsome Baptiste from earlier is still involved too, and, oh, dear, he just came back married to a much younger, very beautiful woman. The new wife mentions how great Claudette is to work with so many young girls when she can’t have kids of her own. Damn.

Electrical shop!

Chapman gives herself a spectacular shock. Nichols calls it free therapy. Chapman hasn’t fixed a damn thing, but no one cares because it’s time to go. Luschek calls Watson a monkey again. PISS OFF, LUSCHEK.

There’s an alarm, and everybody has to lie down on the ground. Apparently no one mentioned this at orientation, because Nichols has to explain to Chapman what the hell is happening.

Outside!

Nice Bennett is checking the perimeter, then sneaks into his call box to get some dipping tobacco. Diaz is there, lying on the ground like a prone angel. She says she’s been trying to quit, then asks from some of Bennett’s chew. It’s gross, and she spits it out, but not before getting tobacco all over her teeth. Diaz asks Bennett to pick the tobacco out of her teeth with the stem of one of her earrings. This show should be called Flirtation Methods You Would Never, Ever Think Of. Damned if it doesn’t work, though! Bennett holds her face and tenderly picks the dip out of her teeth.

oitnb_Love Chaw

Electrical shop!

We’ve discovered that there’s a missing screwdriver and it is time to freak right the hell out. There should be a sign-out sheet to see who has what, but Watson was not given full instructions, so it’s blank. (And Chapman’s name wouldn’t have appeared on it anyway.) Getting caught with the screwdriver will add 5 years on your sentence. Yikes.

Caputo (That’s Not-Entirely-Nice Phone Guy) orders a strip search. Watson demands a female guard for a strip search, and Caputo sends her down to solitary to wait for one. (OK, they actually call solitary “shoe,” but I can’t figure out if I should spell it like that or like “shoo,” or like something else entirely, and it’s making me crazy.) Caputo asks if anyone else would like to have a female guard and there are no takers.

Mustache Mendez immediately cops a huge, obvious feel of Chapman’s tits, then moves on to molest someone else. Ugh.

Outside!

Chapman walks out and finds her jacket. She asks Nichols how bad shue is. Nichols says a lady in schü ate a live rat. Bite by bite.

Tricia walks up. She noticed that Capman is booksy and asks for help with her appeal letter—now that her girl Mercy is getting out, Tricia feels a new urgency with her appeal. Chapman says she’ll give it a look, puts Tricia’s letter in her pocket… and finds the screwdriver. And for the first time today, Chapman realizes that she has, in fact, managed to screw something.

oitnb_Pocket

Dormitory!

Chapman gets inside to discover that Miss Claudette put her books under her bed. Miss Claudette does not like clutter. Oh, no! The guards are conducting a sweep. And Chapman has a screwdriver.

Miss Claudette, who does not care for drama or clutter, cares even less for being busted for being an accessory and hides the screwdriver in her stew pot.

Mustache Mendez is a dick and throws their stuff everywhere, not even really looking for the screwdriver. He sees the pot, but fortunately doesn’t investigate it. Claudette is royally pissed, but has practical advice: Don’t just give it back, because they’ll both be in trouble, and don’t just dump it, because then someone is just going to find it and someone else is getting stabbed. Ah, yes. Chekhov’s rule of screwdrivers. Miss Claudette tells Chapman to smuggle the damn thing back into the electrical shop and get it back on the wall.

Rec room!

The ladies are hanging toilet paper decorations for the fiesta. Alex snarks on the depressing preparations and gets uninvited from the party by Tricia. Boo, on the other hand, approves of the snarkage.

Boo steps up to Tricia for a little psychological warfare, telling her that Mercy’s going to dump her the second she’s out. Wow, Boo fights rough and gets deep under Tricia’s skin, convincing her that Mercy is a serial dumper and insulting Tricia’s looks, intelligence, and ancestry in a few neat strokes.

oitnb_Tricia close

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