A Bad Fireman seems to be working in some identity theft in between the chopping doors down and rescuing people.
Whoa! Bad fireman likes women’s underwear. When we flash forward, we see that it’s Sophia and she looks damn good.
Dickhead Mustache Guard openly tries to watch Chapman change clothes. Ew. As we get some Very Personal Roommate Grooming Moments, Nichols (Hi, Nichols!) tells Chapman to finally change her panties already, because they must be getting ripe. Nichols refers to Dickhead Mustache Guard as “Pornstache.” She’s really quite creative and perceptive for a junkie.
Diaz has been assigned to a dorms (and a cube), but not Chapman. The other inmates explain that she’ll be going to “Spanish Harlem,” but Chapman will probably go to an all-white section. Is it really helpful for prisons to do that? Chapman’s worried about where she’ll get assigned, and Nichols correctly deduces that she’s a wee bit worried about ending up near Alex. See?
Chapman goes to pee and gets some good advice on shoes and hair and when to shower without a line from Sophia, who is rocking some homemade duct-tape flip flops. Chapman doesn’t want to use the doorless stall, but there’s another woman in the one with the door and she may be a while because she’s talking to the Devil. It’s like that old saying: When you sup with the Devil, bring a long spoon. And also some lozenges, because you’ll be chatting til dawn.
Chapman finally gives up and pees door-free and Crazy Eyes comes in and stares at her flirtily. Ladies, I know we’re always saying here on AfterEllen that you need to be bolder with your flirting, but I’m pretty sure that most of our site’s writers will agree with me when I tell you that that’s a little too bold. OK, maybe not Dara.
Oh, look! This episode is directed by <b>Jodie Foster</b>! (Hi, Foster!)
Bennett the nice guard and Dickhead Mustache Guard discuss the inmates’ bodies from the staff office. I finally get enough of a look at Pornstache’s name to see that it’s Mendez. Mendez is a jerk to Sophia. He offers her some of his breakfast sandwich, then says she can suck some sandwich out of his dick. Sophia, all class, demurely says she doesn’t take sausage on her breakfast sandwich. Mendez becomes extra-jerky.
Oh, man. Even nice Bennett is a jerk about Sophia being trans. We learn that Bennett was in Afghanistan and, yes, is a newer guard than Mendez.
Mustache Mendez thinks all the women prisoners want a piece of him. He’s aware that they hate him, but thinks they want him because they’re all trapped together with a bunch of girls and because of his manly muskiness. Bennett, wide-eyed, asks Mendez if he would really sleep with an inmate. Mendez says no, but leans over and whispers. “Some of these bitches would suck it for half a cigarette.”