Larry talks to Fake Ira Glass. Mostly about how prison has affected him, personally. Then Larry, because he is a COMPLETE FREAKING DUMB-ASS, starts telling prison gossip stories. Shesus, Larry.
Crazy Eyes buffs the floor. Chapman slips and falls right on her keister. She asks Crazy Eyes for help to her feet. Crazy Eyes starts to freak out and hit herself because it’s her fault, but Chapman says it’s OK. Crazy Eyes escorts Chapman back to her cube in a non-wifely sense. She also tells Chapman that the Psych Ward is worse than the SHU. Way worse. She says you get numbing meds and sometimes you get tied down. And that no one ever comes back.
Crazy Eyes also asks why everyone calls her Crazy Eyes.
Doggett is, in fact, strapped down to a lonely cot in a cement room. We see Flores, who used to talk to El Diablo, get led past as the doctor walks in. He orders more meds for Doggett, even though she’s quiet, and even though she pleads that she doesn’t need any more. Doggett asks where Jesus is now that she really needs him.
The nurse tells Doggett that if she weren’t crazy, she wouldn’t have to try so hard to convince people she’s sane.
The ladies pass around the pruno and Boo pours a little on the floor for Tricia. Chapman passive-aggressives the observation that everyone decided to get drunk instead of come to her memorial. Sister Ingalls says getting drunk is more fun.
Boo calls Chapman uptight, and when she denies it even the nun giggles. Then the cardboard Tricia they made falls down so it looks like it’s hanging. Oof. Boo looks at Tricia’s account book and points out that she knew exactly whom she was in debt to. Quite the karmic practice. They all toast to Tricia.
Mustache and Bennett drink. Mustache drinks Bennett’s shot too. Mustache spots a couple of likely looking ladies. And then he immediately drives them away with his unique charm. Mustache says the inmates look at him like a sex toy, but never ask him about his day. He wants them to know that he has feelings and exists outside the prison.
Chapman has a wicked toilet wine hangover. She’s also got a wicked conscience hangover and doesn’t think Doggett should be in Psych. Alex tells Chapman not to be so emo. We get a shot of Doggett’s lonely minion at the next table. Chapman and Alex blame each other, then Chapman says she’ll go and take the blame.