“Orange is the New Black” recap (1.11): Tall Men with Feelings


They’re in Paris. Piper lounges adorably while Alex takes care of business. (Another reason not to have a drug runner girlfriend: They totes won’t stroll with you to the cute cafés!)

Alex is stressing and Piper is bitching about her life of luxury but no girlfriending. Alex asks Piper to go to Istanbul. Oh, not for a vacation. Piper is done—she doesn’t want to drug mule. Or, rather, she doesn’t want to be treated like one. She was actually pretty OK with enjoying the drug-fueled wealth a couple of minutes ago.

Alex accuses Piper of running back to men instead of, you know, away from the whole drug running thing. Do not have a drug runner girlfriend.

Piper says Alex should face up to the drug running realities and Alex counters that Piper knew what she was getting into. Alex thought they were a team. Piper walks out.

oitnb_Alex Awesome HairRec room!

Holy weird. Red is there with Mendoza, Diaz, and Mom Diaz. Diaz knows something is up. Oh. Damn. They want Diaz to sleep with Mustache and then go to Caputo and claim that he raped her. Well. I don’t see any possible way that this plan could backfire, do you?

Mom Diaz and Mendoza agree that Diaz’s furlough isn’t happening. Diaz says she loves Bennett and won’t cheat on him. Red says Diaz will go to SHU and Maximum Security when this gets out, and Bennett will get arrested as a sex offender. Sound like a good life for the baby?

Mom Diaz says that Diaz is good at getting guys to sleep with her. She’s such a treasure.

oitnb_Diaz Mom Red


The ladies are passing out Tricia’s stuff. Big Boo takes her comb. Big Boo says she contacted Mercy on the outside to let her know about Tricia.

Chang brings in a bag of oranges. Mendoza brings some tasty microwaved treats. Pousséy and Cindy bring buy a ton of packaged comfort food. Ooh, and some home brew! Looks like we have a wake going.

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