“Once Upon A Time” recap: Beauty and the Beast(s) (2.11)

Flash back to Belle fetching water from the well when some of the guys from the wagon come and hold her over it. They realized she lied and she tries to talk her way out of things, but luckily someone steps in to save her. Once again, it’s Mulan, who must have a damsel-in-distress signal and follows it where’er she must.

They decide to team up and I try not to ship them because we have enough femslash ships on this show, we don’t need our hearts to be filled with more hopeless dreams.

Present-day Belle is cleaning up the mess Hook left in her library, including a knot? It reminds her of something from a book and realizes Hook must have come on his ship. Determined to find it, she goes to the dock and looks around, confused when she doesn’t see anything. She notices birds sitting on air and throws a handful of sand off the dock. Sure enough, it lands on something, and she finds herself on the ship, despite Cora’s invisibility cloak. She immediately locates the very-much-alive Archie, and sets him free to go find Gold.

Belle sneaks around the S.S. Evil, and decides to put down her gun while she snoops. (Somewhere, Spencer Hastings is shaking her head.) Hook sneaks in and grabs it and points it at her.

Her life must flash before her eyes, because next we see her and Mulan traipsing through the woods together. Mulan is hurt and Belle is fawning over her and mother of God I think I ship Warrior Beauty now.

Empowered by the memory of the “don’t be afraid” speech Mulan gave her, present-day Belle stares down the barrel of the gun and tells Hook to eat it. He tells her Rumpelstiltskin ripped out his own wife’s heart and crushed it, but Belle insists he changed. She bashes Captain Eyeliner over the head with an oar and makes off with the shawl. She is intercepted by Hook and Rumple, and the boys get into a brawl.

Belle watches Gold beat Hook bloody with his cane and remembers being faced with another beast. Somewhere in the Enchanted Forest, she hollers at the yaoguai to get it to chase her. Making up for her lack of fighting skills with an abundance of wit, she leads the fire-beast to the town center and douses him with water. Once subdued, the monster writes “help” in the dirt, so Belle tosses fairy dust on him and, POOF, it’s Prince Phillip! He thanks for breaking Maleficent’s curse and all Belle asks in return is for help getting Mulan to a doctor.

On the ship, Gold beats Hook to a pulp, yet he is still taunting the old man. Belle begs him to stop, for her, and finally he does. Rumple growls some words at the pirate, and Belle rolls her eyes before dragging him off the ship.

At the loft, Henry is talking about stockpiling weapons and Emma promises Regina won’t hurt him. She clarifies by saying she won’t LET Regina hurt him, but she knows Regina would never.

They hear a knock at the door and are shocked to see Archie standing there. He tells them it was Cora all along and Henry says, “I knew it!” as if he hadn’t just said he thought his own mother was coming after him.

In the Enchanted Forest, Belle hands off the “beast” to Mulan, trades in her sword for her book and jaunts off to find the beast she abandoned. But before her journey for Rumple can begin, the ever-sexy Evil Queen rides in.

Smiling wickedly, she has Belle tossed into her cage-on-wheels and ignores the girl’s vows to never stop fighting for Rumpelstiltskin.

In Storybrooke, Belle walks Rumpelstiltskin to the town line, adorns him with his charmed shawl and watches as he steps into the world. He turns and says her name and she wishes him well on his quest. She promises that she’ll be there waiting for him when he returns…

AND THEN GETS SHOT.

Yup, Hook appears out of nowhere and shoots Belle. Her limp body falls over the town line and into Gold’s arms. He calls to her but she has no idea who “Belle” is. I actually have no idea who she’ll think she is, since her post-curse identity was Unidentified Insane Asylum Prisoner. Hook is standing there, looking smug…

AND THEN GETS HIT BY A CAR.

What?! Gold had gotten him and Belle out of the way, but Hook went right over the windshield, sending the car skidding off the road. Gold looks around in a panic and the camera zooms in on the license plate like I’m supposed to know what it means but it’s a Pennsylvania plate and the only outside-world person I know is Neal but he’s in New York?!

What did you think of “The Outsider”? Who do you think was in the car that ran under Hook?

Check out some of our favorite #SwanQueen tweets from this week!

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