Back in the Enchanted Forest, Robin Hood follows Regina to help her get through the tunnels in return for saving his son. She protests at first but eventually relents, commending him for being awfully nice for a thief. He returns the compliment and says she’s not so bad for an evil queen herself.
They make it through some traps in the tunnel that Regina set up, but then they see a door open that Regina swears is impossible to open. You see, she used blood magic to close it, as it’s the entrance to the crypt. No blood but her own blood could open that door, and she’s pretty sure she hasn’t been leaving vials of it lying around.
When they get upstairs, Regina starts making a potion. Robin Hood demands to know what it is, and she tells him that it’s a sleeping curse for herself. He tries to talk her out of it, but she doesn’t want to wake up unless her son is there to wake her. (And Emma, of course.)
In Storybrooke, Mary Margaret is reading about gross baby things when the Wicked Witch sidles up to her and says she recognizes her as the famous Snow White. She says she was no one in the other world, just a midwife. She says that she could, and would be more than honored to, help Snow White deliver her baby.
Seeking out new victims she can hurt. (Or eat? Do witches eat babies?)
In the mayor’s office, Regina’s first attempt at a memory potion fails. But Emma won’t let her be disheartened yet. They (working together! Operation SwanQueen!) come up with a new plan to smoke the real curse-maker out by pretending they DID make the potion, to scare them into taking action. Regina knows just who to tell to spread that rumor, and sure enough, within minutes, Grumpy is shouting all over town about it.
This makes Zelena very nervous, just as they planned.
While all this is going on, over at the hospital, Little John turns into a flying monkey, and everyone in Storybrooke forgets the words “flying” and “monkey” for a hot second.
Later that evening, Emma and Regina go on a stake-out like a couple of Pretty Little Liars.
Dreams the way we planned ‘em, if we work in tandem.
Regina starts to ask about Henry and his life in New York. Emma promises he was happy, and says she almost didn’t come back because of it. But she knew that if he did remember everything, he would have made her go back. Regina smiles because she knows it’s true. Unfortunately, before they can get into the details of how to be a successful two-mommy household, they see a shadow in Regina’s office and run in to catch the curse-caster.
When they get there, Regina tells Emma that she used blood magic on her office, so no one would be able to get out unless she let them. However, as soon as they enter Regina’s now trashed office, the person disappears in a poof of green smoke. Regina is once again horrified that someone can break through her blood magic (though she doesn’t remember it happening the first time).
Flash back to the Enchanted Forest, Regina is just about to prick her finger with the sleeping curse when the Wicked Witch appears and introduces herself as Zelena. (Side note, “Zelena” is Bosnian for “green.”)
Zelena taunts Regina for a little while, flaunting the dress she’s wearing, stealing her sleeping curse. She then breaks the news: She’s Regina’s sister.
Regina hilariously retorts that she doesn’t see the resemblance. Besides a mother (and therefore blood…hence all the blood-magic breaking) they also have someone else in common. They were both taught by Rumplestiltskin. So Zelena is powerfully, too. And Zelena is pissed. She was born first, and abandoned in Oz. Poor, forgotten, unloved. While Regina lived as royalty in the Enchanted Forest. So, now that she’s…older? bored? I don’t know what the motivation for the timing is…she’s going to take everything from Regina. Regina says there’s nothing left to take from her but Zelena is sure she’ll find a way.
Regina says, “Bring it, Greenie” and Zelena replies, “Oh it’s already been broughten” and flies off on her broomstick.
Regina runs back to Robin Hood positively BEAMING. Last he saw her, she was about to put a sleeping curse on herself, so he asks what caused the change of heart. She tells him that she finally has someone to destroy.
Wickedness must be punished.
In Storybrooke, Emma takes Regina to the Charming loft to “introduce” her to Henry. They make small talk and she offers to take him for ice cream. He politely agrees and then reaches out to shake her hand, shattering my heart and Regina’s heart and apparently Emma’s heart, because as soon as he scurries away, she sincerely asks Regina if she’s okay. Before they can hug or make out or whatever, Hook and David return from their bromantic trip to the hospital and tell them that Little John turned into a flying monkey. Hook literally says, “He took on simian form with the added bonus of wings” in case “flying monkey” was too hard to understand, as it has thus far seemed to be.
Regina puts two and two together (well, green smoke and flying monkeys together) and says that it was probably the Wicked Witch of the West. Emma does her awesomely classic “WTF character-previously-believed-to-be-fictional is real” face and Captain Hook points out that she is the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming.
How can it be? What does it mean?
She’s all, “Next you’re going to tell me there’s really a chick with freakishly long hair in a tower somewhere.”
Somewhere across town, the degreenified Storybrooke version of Zelena takes food to someone in a cage. That someone is none other than Rumpelstiltskin, who tells her she shouldn’t have brought him back. He takes the food and starts to mumble, “you feed the madness and it feeds on you,” and it’s suddenly clear that this isn’t Mr. Gold we’re talking about.
What did you think of “Witch Hunt”? Did your heart explode from all the Swan Queen interaction?
Here are some of our favorite #queerytales tweets from this week.
“Why would she want to come to storybrook?” Regina, Emma, ruby, belle, take your pick #queerytales
— bonnie rachel (@bonnierachel) March 17, 2014
RUBY’S BACK!!!! I repeat, RUBY’S BACK!!!! Somebody pinch me! #queerytales
— Emily Spear (@EmJSpear) March 17, 2014
— Elizabeth Joy (@politicaljunk92) March 17, 2014
— Pony Freckles (@JilleSharpe) March 17, 2014
A non-white princess? Fingers crossed it goes better than the gay princess #queerytales
— MK (@MKAmericanHero) March 17, 2014
— anh62950 (@anh62950) March 17, 2014
— Jenn Russi (@jrussi) March 17, 2014
Snow, literally no one wants to hear you read that book. #queerytales
— MK (@MKAmericanHero) March 17, 2014
Who’s that non-Red waitress hanging out in the background like she belongs there? #queerytales
— iFlipForRizzles (@iFlipForRizzles) March 17, 2014