Archive

“Once Upon a Time” recap (3.09): No Regrets

Previously on Once Upon A Time, Henry went against everyone’s shouting and gave his shiny gold heart to Peter Pan, thinking he was saving magic but really just ruining everyone’s lives.

We begin long ago on that fateful day that the queen’s curse rolled through Fairytale Land. A shiny, jailed Rumplestiltskin taunts her. First, he tells her that Snow White and Prince Charming’s daughter can break her curse. This, she shrugs off by simply adding “kill a baby” to her to-do list. Next, he says that killing her father, who she loved most in this world, left a hole in her heart that she would someday come to Rumple to fill. She shrugs this off, too, telling him she’s done with his foolish predictions.

In Neverland, we pick up where we left off last episode, with Henry unconscious, three parents around him, Peter Pan taunting them (like father like son). Emma tries to…poke him? With her sword? Whatever she was trying to do, it was ineffectual, so he scoops up Pandora’s Box, with Rumple still inside, and flies away.

Flash back 11 years, where Regina has called in Dr. Hopper to tell him that she feels nothing. He tells her that she’s a very successful woman, but perhaps she needs someone to share her success with. Regina takes this advice straight to Gold, asking him to help her get a baby. He says he’s flattered, but not interested. After Regina and I stop gagging, Regina explains further-she wants a baby and she wants it now, not after a two-year adoption period. He says he’ll get her a baby, but he can’t promise it will solve her problems.

Present-day Regina puts a spell on Henry that will allow him to live a while longer without his heart. Neal suggests some stupid plan and Regina calls him out on its uselessness. Emma tells her to calm down, but Regina says no, when it comes to her son, she doesn’t do calm. Emma corrects her, calling Henry, “our son,” and saying she knows how she feels.

Regina is quick to argue. Emma has her parents, Emma has Neal (“this….person”), Emma has Hook. Regina has Henry. Full stop. They go back to camp, where the Lost Boys are hanging out, and Regina starts threatening lives. Emma has a different idea – maybe they can offer them a mother instead of a punch in the face. She tells them her story, about how she was lost and now she is found. Felix isn’t bought by Emma’s promises of a new home, but the other boys sing like little canaries and tell them exactly where to find Pan.

Flash back to Regina being handed her little baby for the first time. She absolutely beams at him, names him Henry, and tells him they’re going home.

Before going home, Regina stops in at Granny’s diner, where she is trying desperately to get Henry to stop screaming. She snaps at Granny, who looks at her as if to say, “They don’t call me Granny because I hate children.” She suggests telling baby Henry a story, since that’s what worked with Ruby. At least, before she hit puberty. (Why do they keep teasing us with mentions of Ruby?!)

Regina starts to tell a story, but is barely through ‘Once upon a time….’ when she gets a shoulder full of baby goo. She decides to seek professional help. The doctor doesn’t give her the answer she’s looking for, however, when he just prescribes heaps of love. Regina is insistent that there must be something else wrong, but Dr. Whale says that without the biological parents’ information, there is no ethical way to test the baby for everything that could be wrong. Now with a plan, Regina dumps baby Henry into Mary Margaret’s arms and calls Sydney to demand he open he closed adoption to find out Henry’s parents’ information. When she goes to get baby Henry back from Mary Margaret, she is alarmed to realize he stopped crying in her arms, yet wailed again as soon as Regina took him back. In present-day Neverland, Neal rounds up the Lost Boys, including Henry’s lifeless body, and asks everyone to help him get them back to the Jolly Roger. Mary Margaret decides to mom-up and tags along on Emma and Regina’s “save our son” date.

Flash back to Regina receiving a fax from Sydney telling her who baby Henry’s birth parents are. The records state that his birth mother, Emma, was found eighteen years ago just outside Storybrooke. FURIOUS, she storms to Gold’s shop, where she demands to know exactly what role this Emma character plays in her life, since she highly doubts it’s a coincidence that she appeared right when Regina’s curse was put into motion. Gold plays dumb. Not well, but stubbornly. Regina doesn’t take his act seriously, and tells him that she’s on to him, that she knows he wants this curse to end and that’s why she lead her to Henry, why he’s drawing Emma back to Storybrooke. Regina won’t be beaten that easily. She decided then and there to ship Henry back to Boston, post-haste.

In present-day Neverland, Regina, Emma, and Mary Margaret find Pandora’s box about two minutes into their quest for it. Mary Margaret thinks this is just swell and goes skipping off to pick it up, but Regina is like, “Idiot #1, please step away from the very obvious trap.” It’s too late, though, because Pan steps forward and the tree they were standing in front of shoots out fines and wraps them up tight. Peter Pan isn’t at all surprised that these three women haven’t given up yet. He knows mothers are a vivacious breed.

Speaking of mothers, flash back to the early days of Regina’s foray into motherhood. She is at the office of baby take-backs, and hands the man at the desk baby Henry, along with a list of his naptime and bedtime routines. And by routines I mean what she’s done with him for the past like two days. The man at the desk was born to work at baby take-back stations, and tells her that sometimes it’s giving up a child for its own best interest that proves your strength. He then steps out of the room to give Regina a chance to say goodbye in private and say what will surely be encouraging words to the adoptive family .

Regina picks up baby Henry and tells him that he deserves better than her. His squishy little face coos in disagreement. By the time the man returned, she was resolute in her decision. She was keeping baby Henry. He was her son.

Out in the hallway, John and Michael Darling storm off in a rage, for it was them who almost adopted Henry. They’re sure Peter Pan isn’t going to be too pleased about this, but I reckon he’ll appreciate having a full-grown heart to steal years down the road instead of a teensy weensy baby heart.

In Neverland, at the Tree of Regret, Peter Pan can’t resist a good old villain’s monologue. He tells the captive ladies that he is Rumple’s father, and that he once abandoned his son, much like Emma and Mary Margaret had once abandoned their children. He pokes at their insecurities, rendering them both speechless. Regina interjects-his mom-shaming isn’t going to work on her. Sure, she’s killed like A LOT of people, ruined countless lives, impersonated a sea goddess, cursed an entire town for decades, etc, etc. But if there’s one thing she hasn’t done, it’s regret a single thing. Because all roads lead her straight to Henry, and Henry is the one thing she ever got right.

Regina busts through the vines, rips Peter Pan’s heart out, and grab’s Pandora’s Box. She looks back at Emma and Mary Margaret with a “what are you waiting for” expression and they all jaunt off to do what the ABC hashtag has been imploring them to do all season: Save Henry.

On the Jolly Roger, Regina gingerly replaces Henry’s heart. After a brief moment of wondering if maybe they were too late, the rugrat awakens, and immediately wraps both of his moms into a big hug. Flash back to Regina admitting to Dr. Hopper that she fears Emma will one day return for Henry. He tells her to enjoy the love of Henry, enjoy motherhood, and cross that beautiful bridge when she gets to it. Regina takes his advice (with a bit of a magical twist) and takes baby Henry to her father’s tomb. She starts to tell her son a story about a glorious queen who learned that revenge was lonely. But eventually the queen found a little prince to call her own and put a spell on herself so she would forget about her worries about his birth mother showing up. With her fears at bay, the two of them could live in blissful harmony for about another decade or so.

On the Jolly Roger, that decade or so later, Regina tucks Henry in and puts a spell on him to lock his heart in his ribcage where it belongs (Which might have been a good spell to put on him a long time ago? Just in case?). He says, “Thanks, Mom” and she kisses her little prince goodnight.

No sooner does Regina leave then Pan appears at Henry’s bedside, apologizing for what he is about to do…

Above deck, Rumple and Neal reunite, but Rumple immediately senses something is amiss.

Peter Pan tries to take Henry’s heart but is blocked by Regina’s spell, which sends him into a blind panic. He tries to take Henry’s shadow instead causing both of their eyes to flash weirdly, but Rumple shows up just in time puts Pan into Pandora’s Box.

Convinced Henry is finally safe for real, Team Storybrooke and the riff-raff they’ve collected along the way work together and release Pan’s Shadow. Regina magics it into a sail and they fly off toward Storybrooke. Toward home.

Tinkerbell finds Wendy and tells her that she’ll see her brothers soon. Wendy gives Tink some pixie dust, and when Tink protests, Wendy says that someday she’ll find a way to make it work. Wendy says that she believes in her. Tink then finds Regina, saying that she’s happy for her. Regina says that Tink was right all along, there was still some good in her. Tink’s jar of pixie dust glowed, and Regina said that for a moment, it seemed maybe Tink believed in herself. Henry sneaks above deck and finds Felix, The Creepiest Lost Boy. Felix hisses at him that no matter what these other sissies say, he’ll always be loyal to Pan. Henry recites a speech about Pan never failing that Felix had memorized, and Felix’s eyes light up. Henry’s voice coming out of Henry’s body tells Felix that he IS Pan, and the two have a good laugh about it.

What did you think of “Save Henry”?

Here are some of our favorite #queerytales tweets from this week.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button