This is the first installment of Malinda Lo's new monthly column focusing on the personal side of pop culture for lesbians and bisexual women.

Four years ago when The L Word first premiered, I ordered Showtime, then I called a bunch of friends and invited them over for dinner and the series premiere. Although there was a bit of dyke drama — a friend's ex-girlfriend walked out when she saw that her ex had brought a new fling with her — we mostly had a grand old time. For the next two months, my apartment was filled every Sunday night with lesbians watching The L Word and getting tipsy on countless bottles of wine (unless we drank cocktails — I can't remember).

But then things started to get out of hand. My friends began to invite their friends, and by the time a friend of a friend invited a woman she met at Dolores Park earlier that weekend, I knew it was time to call the whole thing off. Thus ended my short stint as an L Word hostess. It was quick, exhilarating and came to an abrupt halt because of another woman. Much like many lesbian relationships.

Since then, The L Word has played a complicated role in my life. As a writer for AfterEllen.com, I have essentially been forced to watch The L Word for my job. And as one of those contrary students who always hated any fiction that was assigned in English class, even if I might have liked it had I discovered it myself, I have developed a similar sort of feeling for Showtime's lesbian soap.

On the one hand, there are plenty of things to analyze — this season, for instance, I'm actually intrigued by the show's attempt at a meta-narrative about itself — but at the same time, the show often feels like an assignment to me.

I know that there are plenty of L Word viewers who feel differently. I've been astonished at how dedicated the fan base is, even going so far as to organize international L Word conventions. This is the kind of ardor I'd only expect from sci-fi fans — and I'm one of them.

But The L Word, for me, has never come close to my TV faves, The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Battlestar Galactica (the Katee Sackhoff version, of course). Maybe if The Planet were actually a planet, and Jenny were some kind of super-intelligent but inscrutable alien, I would suddenly become a hard-core L Word fan. There's something about the grandness of science fiction that seduces me in a way that a show like The L Word, with its more intimate dramas, will never be able to do.

Nevertheless, I watch the show. It's my job. And I watch the reaction to the show, and I marvel at it. The unwavering investment in Bette and Tina's fractured relationship, the heartfelt mourning over Dana's death, the vitriol against Jenny — it all amazes me. These characters have clearly become touchstones for so many viewers.

The question "Which L Word character is your favorite?" — closely followed by "Which L Word character would you date?" — has become a standby getting-to-know-you question among lesbians. Even though I don't count The L Word as one of my favorite shows, I know that I would be suspicious of anyone who answered "Papi." (And for the record, Bette is my favorite L Word character, but I wouldn't date any of them. Well, maybe Tasha, if I were forced to choose.)