To me, I guess the main thing with bisexuality is that you can't really see yourself being anything else. You simply wouldn't be complete if you were either gay or straight. I think if you are either gay or straight, and you're honest with yourself, you're probably going to see, at least eventually, that you definitely prefer a particular gender. From there, who knows? I think different people have different ideas of what bi means, and since one of my biggest pet peeves about gay bashers is their tendency to talk about homosexuality as though they know better about gay feelings than actual gay people, it'll be far from me to make judgement about what bi "really" is and what it isn't, even being bi myself. 

But I do feel that if someone says that they have attractions to both genders, but attraction to one gender is very weak, or they would never be interested in a relationship with someone of that gender, it's a little hard for me to see that as bi, though I won't tell someone that they aren't bi if they fit this description. I think a lot of people have bisexual tendencies or are capable of having feelings for their non-preferred gender, and I don't think it's always bisexuality.

As for me, I've had a hard time defining myself. Right now, I'm trying not to do that, actually. I've been attracted to men longer than I've been attracted to women, and since noticing an attraction to women, I've noticed things shift a bit. For a while, I thought I might be a lesbian, but I really do find the men attractive, both sexually and emotionally. But I love the ladies, too. Bisexual doesn't seem completely "right" because I feel an attraction towards some genderqueer and trans people, too, but it's what I'm most comfortable calling myself, and I don't think I'd want to be anything else other than what I am.

I was watching Big Brother in Australia the other day (yes, I am completely aware what mindless drivel shows like that are!) and it reminded me of an incident that happened in the "house" a few seasons ago.  One of the girls in the house was talking about her sexuality and how she'd recently had her first lesbian experience.  She'd found it incredible and was professing her bisexuality to all.  Upon hearing these remarks, the other girls in the house completely ganged up on her, telling her that she wasn't gay/bi, she was bi-curious, as she'd only had one lesbian experience.  I think this is the most ridiculous proposition I have ever heard.  If she was a virgin and said she was hetero, nobody would have questioned her. 

This really rang true to me, as I am strongly attracted to both men and women (men purely physically, and for their sense of humour, and women physically, mentally, emotionally) so would classify myself as "bi", yet I've never had any experience with a woman; not even a kiss.  I don't know whether my feelings towards women will grow upon my first experience, but I don't need to kiss a woman to know I am completely attracted to them. 

I was speaking to a male friend yesterday (the only person I've come out to) about coming out to my husband.  He said to me, "we haven't talked about this stuff for a while.  I thought you were over it".  Like it was just a fad.  I haven't been so insulted in......a bloody long time. 

I'm scared that if I come out to people they will say, "but have you even been with a woman before?  Then how do you know you're not just bi-curious?".  I know that's what my friend thinks. 

 I spent the first 10 years of my sex life with bio-men, and I was a hundred percent fine with the sex.  However, I had trouble connecting emotionally with biomen.  I always thought I was bi, but never acted on it.  I would see girlie women and think they were pretty, but I wouldn't have a stronger sexual attraction for them than for men.  It wasn't until I met masculine females that I was able to enjoy emotional and sexual attraction/bond both within the same person.  I also am attracted to girly men, but I have made a sort of policy decision to exclude biological men from my dating pool.  I find there is sort of a glass ceiling for me when it comes to how close I can be with biomen.  Transguys are different - or at least the ones I've dated.  Perhaps it has to do with the complexity of their gender experiences, but I find them easier to bond with than guys who were born being recognized as guys.

It took me forever to define my sexuality, and I suppose as it is, omnisexual is still a sort of undefinition.  I really enjoy living a thoroughly queer life and don't want to be in the closet at all - so that excludes me from getting serious with any transguys who want to live stealth or are intolerant of queerness.

=================================
Confined to sex we pressed against the limits of the sea.  I saw there were no oceans left for scavengers like me.

 - L. Cohen

Well said. I think its all about listening to your inner voice.

I just recently admitted my attraction for woman to a few family members.

Should I be shocked that they aready knew? lol Anyway. Its about awarness. Well said everyone.

I would say it is more a matter of "defining" and not "deciding". Anyway, I also do not know how I could find out "what" I am. I am sometimes attracted to women, but I cannot - imagine having sex with them. Actually, I am not interested in getting intimate with women ... thus you can say that I am just emotionally attracted to women. For instance, I think I have a crush on a woman right now and everytime I see her or talk to her I really feel that I have fallen for her, but at the same time I am not interested in having sex with her.

On the other side I have always fancied men in sexual way, but I do not often connect with them in an emotional way.

So, what could I be ;-) ?

Being bisexual means I am 100% heterosexual AND 100% lesbian--at the same time.  It means I am sexually responsive to both genders. Period.

I sexually like men because they are bigger than I am, stronger than I am, hairy, have deep voices, rough faces, and have hard bodies.  In sexual intimacy, I absolutely love this duality.

I sexually like women because they are small like me, have small waists, soft voices, soft hands, move so elegantly and gracefully, are gentle and have beautiful soft bodies.  In sexual intimacy, I absolutely love this mirror image.

Friendship is the next best thing in the world.

Personally I've always based it on the potential to pursue relationships with either gender. There are plenty of bicurious girls who wouldn't mind getting drunk at a party and making out with another girl for attention, but I don't consider that type of person to be a "real" bisexual (please, nobody crucify me for saying "real"... I hope you can see what I mean by it).

I guess if you're going to identify with a particular sexuality, I think it should be something you would actively pursue on an emotionally attached level if given the chance (with the right person), and to me that is inclusive of being so "into" that sexuality that you're ready to accept the bad with the good. If I'm bisexual and I kiss my girlfriend in public, I hear the same negative things as every lesbian who's ever done that; a bicurious girl or experimenter who would never take it this far obviously doesn't experience this, they just (to borrow a cliched bi phrase) have their cake and eat it too.

I should mention that this is based on [i:8092bd2b8a]potential[/i:8092bd2b8a]. I think people can be married and not lose their sexuality at all, because if they weren't married they would still be straight/gay/bi etc. and pursue those types of relationships.

hey [b:ccfff9c818]goofball[/b:ccfff9c818], Its really interesting to hear you say that, as I'm starting to find that its a common worry for most lesbians with bi gfs I know!

The only way I can explain is that although in a previous post I said that I like men and women for different reasons, I find that you end up in a relationship with a person, and you like them for who they are and more likely, you wouldn't be with them if you were "wanting something else" - something that cuts across all relationships, gay or straight.

I have found that girlfriends who are lesbian do worry about losing you to a man, which they find worse than to another girl, I don't know why that is - both are equally just as bad. Loyalty to the person, and not the gender is what I think is important. Any comments?

Hi [b:e578846694]britchild[/b:e578846694],
I definitely had/have that fear of losing a girl to a guy...I dont know why it bothers me so much more--it doesn't even make total sense to me! I don't know why I feel it's worse...I've thought a lot about it, and my only explanation that I can think of is that I experienced a lot of jealousy of guys when I was younger and just starting to experience gay feelings because all the girls that I was attracted to liked guys! And I remember feeling jealous and hurt, and so that's probably why (for me) it would hurt more if she left me for a guy. Old wounds never completely heal, I guess. But I'm very curious about what other people think about why they think it's worse to lose a girl to a guy.[/i]

To me bisexuality begins when I'm really attracted to men and women, when I can imagine dating (or actually doing it) both.

I know this may sound easy. But can you be totally straight if you would like to date/have sex with a woman or totally gay if you feel attracted to a guy (even if it's just a fantasy? Even fantasies don't come out from nowhere.)? I mean you can't be 100% straight or gay. But being 100% bisexual I guess you have to experience love (not just sex) with both, men and women.

I somehow can't imagine calling myself a lesbian or totally straight in teen years (younger years) when you have almost no experience in whatever.

At least I would never call myself straight or gay, you never know what's going to happen in the future. Never. But maybe I just haven't gone through what many of you had to go through (maybe that's why I can't imagine it).

F.e. if I have fantasies about Angelina Jolie and Ewan McGregor (god I love that guy), that can't really mean gay or straight.

Or maybe I just need more experience (with women :() or stopp being naive :D

I think deep down everyone is bisexual.

(Ducking and dodging the angry glares of monosexuals everywhere)

Okay, let me rephrase. I WISH everyone was bisexual. I wish everyone had the potential to look past gender; it is truly that irrelevant to me. I am truly equally attracted to both genders on a physical level; emotionally, I do tend to gravitate towards women but it's not necessarily always the case.

I simply do not understand what it is to be straight or gay. I've tried. Up until I was about 18, it never even occurred to me that I didn't HAVE to choose! I don't believe in open relationships or screwing around of any kind. When I'm in a relationship with a woman, I am with that woman. Period. I will still find men attractive, but I have never felt as if I was missing out on something by being with one gender, because as I said, the gender of my partner is unimportant. The same would hold true if I were with a man. There's no having my cake and eating it too- if that were the case, I'd be sleeping with EVERYONE I found attractive (male or female) whilst in a relationship. That's being polyamorous, NOT bisexual. There is a distinct difference.

:yeahthat:

[b:185ce42974]wryterzblock[/b:185ce42974], I wish we could print up little wallet cards with that post and hand them out to everyone. :)

I think about this sometimes because I don't know how I officially identify myself. I came out as a lesbian at 13 but started dating men shortly after, I told myself it was just easier to meet men which is somewhat true but really I hate to admit it, I was liking the heterosexual priv and was secretly scared to date women.

Having been in a relationship with a woman for 2 years now I realize there is a big difference between being out as queer when in a gay relationship as opposed to being out while in a straight relationship for me. Being seen as a total lez feels a lot truer for me. But at the same time I can't say I'm unattracted to men and I had some nice relationships with them, it just didn't do it for me the way being with a woman does.

So does this make me bi, gay, straight whatevs? I don't know. Part of me wants to embrace the bisexual label because I hate the way it's stigmatized by the gay and straight community alike but it also doesn't feel as true for me anymore because I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a man again even though I don't regret my relationships from the past.

I know tons of girls who are attracted to other girls but wouldn't date them or have sex with them and I don't think it makes them automatically bisexual but others have differing opinions. I think self idendification is so important. Likewise I know lesbians who think some guys are cute and might even experiment with them. I think people sometimes get scared of self identification because it takes the power of labelling out of our hands and puts it in the individual's where it should rightly be. I've know girls who've done it with other girls and are like "I'm straight" and I've felt like "Why don't you just say you're bi or queer?" but that's my crap, not theirs, it's not really fair of me to take that power of self labelling away from them.

I used to be really into labels and labelling myself, and I still see the power of labels but now they feel too confining for me. I feel like anyway I label myself someone else with their own agenda is gonna tell me I'm obligated to label myself one way or the other. Bisexuals might say I am just being biphobic by not calling myself bisexual and lesbians might say I'm too afraid to admit I'm a lesbian if I call myself bi or pansexual. It's too hard to seperate my own feelings about my sexuality from the imposition of others.

[quote:7ec9d1ab09]I definitely had/have that fear of losing a girl to a guy...I dont know why it bothers me so much more--it doesn't even make total sense to me! I don't know why I feel it's worse...[/quote:7ec9d1ab09]

I can somewhat relate. I remember when I first labelled myself, or tried to. My friend was dating a bisexual girl, and I remember telling her that I would probably never want to date a bisexual, just because of the fear that either I would lose her to a man, or that she might not go the distance, most likely stopping to satisify her other urges.

That wasn't long ago, and to be quite honest, my thoughts still remain pretty much unchanged.

What I'd like to know is that is a bisexual just purely open to both genders
or they need both genders.

If being purely just open to both options, does this mean bisexuals can go the distance without missing the other gender?

I apologise beforehand if I've offended anyone, I know I tend to be quite close minded. :x

[quote:77e7f846da="Keres"]What I'd like to know is that is a bisexual just purely open to both genders
or they need both genders.

If being purely just open to both options, does this mean bisexuals can go the distance without missing the other gender?

I apologise beforehand if I've offended anyone, I know I tend to be quite close minded. :x[/quote:77e7f846da]

Hi Keres,

I think it's fine to ask those sorts of questions as long as it's done respectfully (which you did). :) It's actually rather nice that people take the time to ask and learn. :)

I can't speak for all, but for me it's no different than any other attraction. Rather than saying "I like both" (which makes people think I need to date a man and a woman at the same time), I prefer to say that I like a person regardless of their gender. That way people understand that gender doesn't really factor into the equation (just like how I would date a person regardless of race, social status, etc.).

I look at a potential partner and don't discount them because of their gender; for me, it's the same as saying "I like blondes and brunettes." I don't need to simultaneously date a blonde or a brunette to be happy, it's just that I am aware of my attraction to both, and I won't not date someone because they're *insert characteristic here*.

I hope that makes sense. I'm sure [b:77e7f846da]wryterzblock[/b:77e7f846da] will come up with a much more intelligent way of describing it though. :P

Cheers,
*K*

I'm the same. If I met someone I'd want to settle down with, I don't need to date someone of the opposite sex to the person I'm dating in order to feel satisfied. I don't know any bisexuals who need to date men and women concurrently; I'm sure that some do exist, but I personally am not into non-monogamy. Gender is really not important to me at all. That means I'd be perfectly happy dating someone who is intersexed or transgender or, well, any gender really. If I was to spend the rest of my life dating only women or only men I don't think I'd feel I've missed out on anything.

[quote:2fa3c2fe2c="starshideyourfires"]If I was to spend the rest of my life dating only women or only men I don't think I'd feel I've missed out on anything.[/quote:2fa3c2fe2c]

I think that's true for me as well - at least in terms of the romantic relationship itself. Where I hesitate is that it would just feel wierd to be outside of the queer community (and, if I partnered with a man, while I'd still consider myself queer, I would not be bringing him to queer events - just to avoid infringing on queer space - and so I feel like I would probably fall outside of the community a bit). That is wierd to think about, and was a problem for me when I was trying to date a man and was also hanging out with friends in the lesbian community. I think he was offended that I tried to keep things with him "in the closet." :?

I am discussing a social/community element, not a sexual/dating element.

I don't know. I wish I was better adjusted than I am on this issue. It is still confusing and uncomfortable for me.

P.S. Upon thinking about it a little more, it occurred to me that I secretly considered myself bisexual back when I was still saying "but I'll never have a girlfriend, I don't want to be 'that lesbian chick'" (we're talking age 17-20 here). At the time I knew I was attracted to girls, but I never thought I'd be brave enough to step into that societal box. So maybe I should cut everyone else some slack in that department too :P. But that *points up to previous post* is probably still my current definition; I just didn't always follow it. :P

A little late maybe, but I find the quote MSingh posted very interesting as well.
I'm still not sure whether I'm bisexual or not. I've always thought that I was bi, but the more women I see, the more I like them.
Men are becoming less interested by the day.
We just got the L-word here (YAY), and there's a scene in the first episode where Marina kisses Jenny, and then Jenny runs to Tim and they make love...
That felt so wrong. When she was with Marina (very sexy) I was all happy, and then with Tim, I was like: get awaaay from him!
Since then, I guess I'm a "real" lesbian...
I can see what people see in men...I just don't see it myself.

[quote:0257b28b44="koma"]it's just that I am aware of my attraction to both[/quote:0257b28b44]

I see, I see. 8) Thanks for clearing things up a bit for me.

[quote:6a21c53ac5="brinstar"]

So does this make me bi, gay, straight whatevs? I don't know. Part of me wants to embrace the bisexual label because I hate the way it's stigmatized by the gay and straight community alike but it also doesn't feel as true for me anymore because I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a man again even though I don't regret my relationships from the past.

I know tons of girls who are attracted to other girls but wouldn't date them or have sex with them and I don't think it makes them automatically bisexual but others have differing opinions. I think self idendification is so important. Likewise I know lesbians who think some guys are cute and might even experiment with them. I think people sometimes get scared of self identification because it takes the power of labelling out of our hands and puts it in the individual's where it should rightly be. I've know girls who've done it with other girls and are like "I'm straight" and I've felt like "Why don't you just say you're bi or queer?" but that's my crap, not theirs, it's not really fair of me to take that power of self labelling away from them.

I used to be really into labels and labelling myself, and I still see the power of labels but now they feel too confining for me. I feel like anyway I label myself someone else with their own agenda is gonna tell me I'm obligated to label myself one way or the other. Bisexuals might say I am just being biphobic by not calling myself bisexual and lesbians might say I'm too afraid to admit I'm a lesbian if I call myself bi or pansexual. It's too hard to seperate my own feelings about my sexuality from the imposition of others.[/quote:6a21c53ac5]

I know exactly what you mean. "Bisexual" is a really simplistic label for a multitude of different variations, and everyone has their own idea of what "bisexual" means. I think there are degrees of bisexuality, and you can be really really almost completely into girls and only occasionally check out guys, and still call yourself bisexual if you like. Or, like Shane says: :shane: and you should just go with the flow. But I do understand what you mean, I feel like I don't exactly know what it means to be bisexual sometimes, particularly at times when I'm feeling more attracted to the ladies

[quote:172258a42d="goofball_101m"]..because, like many of you have already said, there's a stereotype about bisexuals not being satisfied in monogamous relationships...so when you are bisexual, and you're in a relationship and your partner is worried that you won't be satisfied, how do you reassure them that you won't miss being with a man/woman?[/quote:172258a42d]

I can personally understand that. I'm a bisexual woman. I was with my boyfriend for two and a half years (so if you need some proof of monogamy, there you go:) hehe) and while over time he was cool with me being bi, a few times we had fights cause he felt "inadequate" for being male because maybe I wanted a female. When I was with him, when our relationship was getting bad and stale (not because I was bi, just in general) I would think about breaking up with him, and one happy thought (of MANY) would be that I'd finally get to kiss a girl again. I'd only kissed my exgirlfriend at that point. Another happy thought was that I'd finally get to kiss a "bad boy" again. So, for me, I kind of just see biological sex as a "type" almost. Like, bad boys, butch girls, femme boys, etc.

I don't know if that made sense. And, after I broke up with this guy, I actually started seeing another guy (ahh just my luck a bad boy). So even if I was thinking about girls, I didn't rush out and get a girlfriend. I guess I see it more like if people say bisexuals will never be happy with one choice, but I see it more like all people will always have different types of people to whom they're attracted, and straight women sometimes worry that their husbands will leave them for a different kind of woman, I feel like this is kind of the same thing.

Sorry I rambled so much. I do not claim to speak for all bisexuals, or any bisexuals really, except me.

[quote:6998e400c6="Claudia"] Do the feelings for both men and women have to be something that you would actually *act* on, for you to consider yourself bisexual? [/quote:6998e400c6]

This is interesting, because I´ve also been thinking a lot about how people define bisexuality and sexual orientation in general. Is it based on feelings or acts or both? Can you define your own sexuality if you don´t yet have any practiacl experience of sex or relationships? Should everyone "experiment" with their sexuality before they can really say what they are?

People often define themselves as gay or straight or bi at an early age, when they haven´t had neither sex or relationships: the definition is based mostly on feelings. But what about when you´re older: can sexuality still be defined by feelings and fantasies and fancy, or is it defined by who you love/make love to? Can you call yourself bisexual, if you´ve only been with men but have feelings for both men and women? Is it even necessary to define your sexuality?

And no, I don´t have answers to these questions. I´m just pondering on them.

I just have to ask . . . how can [i:d61c7aecda]anyone [/i:d61c7aecda]be so sure about [i:d61c7aecda]anything[/i:d61c7aecda] (not a specific question, just general - and probably rhetorical) let alone something as difficult to define as attraction!?!?! Did I not get the standard issue crystal ball? What happened yesterday is simply no proof of what can happen tomorrow so I, for one, cannot see how anyone can - convincingly - close any doors. Heck, I can't even tell you what shoes I'll wear tomorrow, or what chocolate bar will take my fancy at the gas station in the morning, and these are merely trivial, passing attractions. To be able to predict with any certainty who I may find enticing at some point in the future seems so . . . limiting, somehow. (Not to mention boring. :wink: )

:lol: okay, better now.

When I read/have these discussions I am always so fascinated that so many people seem so sure that what has happened in the past is an accurate predictor of what will happen in the future. People's lives derail - good and bad and mostly in between - all the time. Perhaps I will turn a corner tomorrow and my heart will stop at the beauty of what waits there, perhaps it never will. Life is full of surprises and God (or whomever) is in the details. I just can't tell . . . It is possible to be open to the infinte possibilities of life and not be confused. (It is also quite possible, I'm sure, to be certain and to be right. :) )[color=darkblue:d61c7aecda][/color:d61c7aecda]

I pretty much agree with R. There was a time in my life when the thought of being with a woman was inconceivable, almost disgusting...I have since then completely changed my mind. :wink: These days I can't imagine wanting to be with a man, but my mind has changed once before, so who knows? For that reason I'm reluctant to give myself a label, though I use "bisexual lesbian" when cornered. But I'm married to a woman, so people see my relationship and draw their own conclusions about my sexuality, and even my sexual history - I am amazed at how many people assume that being lesbian automatically means you've never even kissed a man - but that's another thread.

I think the reason some lesbians find it worse if their lover left them for a man is that they would feel they can't compete. You know? There's no way they can be a better man than a man. It would feel like their lover were saying, in capital letters, "You're hopelessly inadequate." That's just my guess; I've never been in that situation myself, from either side. And mind you, I'm not saying that IS what the bisexual lover is saying, only that I can see it feeling like that for the lesbian being left.

I've always found this rather intriguing for its frankness:

[quote:50e49c2fe0]I have decided, matter of factly even, that I am bisexual. I am, however, in major doubt as to what that means exactly. Sexuality has always been a fluid constant to me - you fall in love with the person, not their sex …but doesn’t their sex heavily influence who they are and hence eventually the person they turn out to be?

I love women. This I concluded many years ago, but only now do I realise that I am obsessed with them .The way they think and feel. Their volcano of emotions always on the brink of eruption. Their eyes, always searching for some sort of meaning, understanding … love. It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? Love. How can there be love without sex, sex without love? My first sexual experience, I was definitely in love - or at least I thought I was. [i:50e49c2fe0]Wasn‘t I[/i:50e49c2fe0]?

Men - I love men. Their bodies the epitome of strength and virility. Sinewy muscles, throbbing organs - I could take an entire cock into my mouth just to feel its power - to be connected to something so alive. I long to be overtaken, overwhelmed over powered - to feel safe in a man’s arms, between his legs - I crave that feeling.

I need to find a balance. Neither to be fully in control or out of it. Someday, I must eventually make up my mind as to what I really want. Bisexuality [i:50e49c2fe0]is [/i:50e49c2fe0]just an excuse after all, isn’t it? Sometimes I truly feel I could melt into a woman - her breasts, her laugh - the fact that she wants me and needs me more than anything else. And yet I want the total opposite in a man - for him to lose himself in me.

I want to be loved - as simple as that. Is that really so much to ask?[/quote:50e49c2fe0]

Wow, i find the above quote very interesting. Because i can identify similar feelings in myself. That is, i am not 'gender-blind' as many bisexuals claim to be. I don't get any of that 'i fall in love with the person not the gender' fluffy sentiment. I am [i:ae0b70ae75]totally[/i:ae0b70ae75] aware and appreciative of both male and female aspects.

Women turn me on, physically, mentally and emotionally, the way they smell, feel, think, behave... i love it all. But i aslo love men, sexually, their aura, the feeling of being with a man.

I don't see past gender, i just like both.

Which worries me somewhat- right now, as a free-spirited 19 year old, it doesn't really matter, but in the future... i want a long-term monogamous relationship one day, and i'm not sure how satisfied i can ever be as long as i am attracted to such fundamentally different things at the same time.

I feel guilty admitting this, since i don't want to propogate biphobic, 'bisexuals can't be monogamous/ can't be satisfied by one person/ need concurrent relationships with men and women' stereotypes. But for me, it is a concern that i really might be like that and its kinda upsetting!

I think your entire post above was really very honest and refreshing. That’s why I so love that excerpt, men and women [i:8964ac5acb]are[/i:8964ac5acb] different - their bodies, their smells, their textures. I flirted with the idea of bisexuality for a while when I was younger and even though I would never fully rule out being with a man (love after all, is a complicated matter) - I desire women, and that’s where I’m at in my life right now (and most probably, for the foreseeable future).

[quote:8964ac5acb]I feel guilty admitting this, since i don't want to propogate biphobic, 'bisexuals can't be monogamous/ can't be satisfied by one person/ need concurrent relationships with men and women' stereotypes. But for me, it is a concern that i really might be like that and its kinda upsetting![/quote:8964ac5acb]
I never really got that stereotype (or [i:8964ac5acb]any[/i:8964ac5acb] stereotype/label/pigeonhole that comes with sexuality). So what if you want to experiment? As long as you’re safe and honest with your partners (and yourself), I say more power to you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an either/or issue. There really is such a thing as [i:8964ac5acb]bisexuality[/i:8964ac5acb] ... :)

WOW Claudia, probably one of the most thought provoking threads raised these days.

Years from now when I look back it will be easy to define myself as having been a bisexual since I have (have had) deeply loved both women and men. albiet quiet differently. I have yet to love a man as passionately (or desperately) as I have a woman, that may remain to be seem. but I loved him deeply nonetheless and both experiences qualify in my book.

Yet day-to-day, bisexuality is a difficult label to grasp. It doesn't imply the stable, potential long-term relationship of [i:0c69069e82][b:0c69069e82]one [/b:0c69069e82][/i:0c69069e82]gender love (so craved by most) that homosexuality or heterosexuality has. the duality of [i:0c69069e82]bi[/i:0c69069e82]sexuality implies that one loves/sleeps with more than one. ergo a mixmaster of relationships, the curious, the fence sitter, the 'who are you sleeping with these days?' line. incredibly frustrating. So until someone comes up with a better term, bisexuals will have to defend their choices as important, relative and as committed as the next.

I agree with Koma where definition is concerned. I never considered the term until I found myself madly, deeply in love with a woman I had become great friends with. I felt more for this woman then I ever had before (or to date for that fact) & while we never slept together I was ready to change my entire world for her. unfortunately, while she said she loved me, she wasn't ready to change hers :( It's taken me over 4 yrs to put all that into perspective. 8O . . . that's probably for another thread . . .

in the meantime, I try to remind myself that life/relationships are just of series of experiences, to enjoy & when over highlight the very best (for review when rocking on the porch later in life) & move on.

Much easier said than done.

sorry, didn't mean to get preachy :wink: thanks for letting me ramble.

Hm that's an interesting question, and a very interesting thread. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what bisexuality is - I supose to me it's one of those words that mean different things to different people. I suppose if I had to define it, it would be that a 'bisexual' is someone who has attractions to both men and women, whether or not they choose to act on it. Funnily enough, this is something I've being chewing over myself for a couple of days, ever since I realised I felt a strong attraction to a man when I thought that'd never happen - just a pity he ain't available :( I also thought it was really interesting what lobelia was saying about being gender blind. I must admit to saying that on occasion myself, as I was trying to sort through who I was, but this attraction has thrown me for six simply because of the fact that I really like his 'manliness' as well as him as a person. Anyway, went slightly off on a tangent there - I apologise, but wallowing in self-pity today :P

I'm really enjoying everyones opinion on this topic!

I dunno what the british equivalent of 2 cents is...perhaps tuppence? anyway here's my tuppence...

Interestingly enough, I only came out as bisexual to myself and my friends when I knew for sure that I still felt attracted to men and was ALSO willing to act on an attraction to a woman, the whole emotional and physical connection. Perhaps saying that "I fall in love with the person not the gender" is blase and a bit overused - I definitely admit to liking men and women for completely different reasons...but equally does that mean that you don't know which one you want? and so bisexuals must have both to feel satisified, hence the misconception that bisexuals are greedy people.

For me, I have thought about if I was a lesbian, but i know in my mind that I do like my men, and also that I can't possibly be straight as i DEFINITELY like my women...its confusing and difficult to explain to straight people, I find that they can't truly appreciate where I am and my standpoint. With lesbians, maybe a little easier, but as well I wouldn't say that how they perceive it is at all linked to the in-between stage of am I gay? am I straight? that some people i know see bisexuality. The confusion is uncertainty, and bisexuals are confident in the way that they feel, there isnt confusion.

Anyway sorry for rambling! x

I found the quote that MSingh posted very interesting...actually, all of hte posts in this thread are very interesting!

It's a little bit harder for me to understand maybe because I don't identify as being bisexual but the reason why I'm so interested in bisexuality is because my gf is bisexual and I keep asking her "Are you sure you're bi?" which is kind of bad...because I guess I'm hoping that she'll just turn gay and ease my worries a little...because, like many of you have already said, there's a stereotype about bisexuals not being satisfied in monogamous relationships...so when you are bisexual, and you're in a relationship and your partner is worried that you won't be satisfied, how do you reassure them that you won't miss being with a man/woman?