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How to spot lesbians in public...

how to spot if she's lesbian or not when you are in public places like...in the mall, park or while waiting for subway/bus.

Submitted by

Free (21 posts)

on March 21, 2007 - 4:28pm.

TAGS ::

Various

no idea!

Submitted by

water-fly (158 posts)

on March 21, 2007 - 5:13pm.

I have no idea either so i strongly support this post hehe. How can you know? is there some way to find it out? cuz that is sth that's driving me crazy cuz all the hot, cool, interesting girls I meet turn to be straight!!The last one this afternoon....so that's it, how to spot it!?

And that's where wearing

Submitted by

Mara (906 posts)

on March 21, 2007 - 6:13pm.

And that's where wearing a purple string can come in handy: http://www.afterellen.com/node/7375

_ _ _ _ _

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." (Dr. Seuss)

Cool idea.

Submitted by

jnsferris (134 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 3:34am.

Although, I've never worn one of the string things and I've always wondered about them like disintegrating on my wrist from all the disgusting stuff it comes into contact with. Maybe I'm just dirtier than other people? And you know people are going to be asking you all the time what the thing's for.

But, I did envision the next time I was out somewhere and some rude guy made a pass at me--last wk. cab driver offered to forgive my fare if I'd have a drink w/him. WTF--being able to say, "Hey, just a clue, if you see a woman wearing one of these, DON'T BOTHER!" and walk off w/o further explanation. Hee.

__________________________________

these hips are mighty hips.

these hips are magic hips.

i have known them

to put a spell on a man and

spin him like a top.

---Lucille Clifton, Homage to My Hips

hadnt heard about that

Submitted by

water-fly (158 posts)

on March 21, 2007 - 6:29pm.

i hadnt heard about that before but it sounds a great idea. Many thanks! any more suggestions?

#The heart asks for pleasure first#

gaydar

Submitted by

poetes (82 posts)

on April 14, 2007 - 10:24pm.

I think the way to know if someone is gay(female) is to see if they do what you do when you are interested in someone. For me it is the looking away quickly(not interested) or the looking directly into your eyes and smiling. Most women look at you from toe to head that are straight. But when I look at a woman, I look at body parts not fashion.

The shine, I call it.

Submitted by

Issy (12 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 5:10am.

I don't know how other peoples gaydars work but the way I tell if someone is gay is this thing I call the shine. In gay men it looks like they have a sparkle near their eyes or on their cheeks and in lesbians it's like a polished metal look just in front of the face. I have no I dea what the hell this i but it's how my gaydar works, it might be like synesthesia, which I think is where someone can taste words or relate a colour to them or something. Or it might be an aura reading thing which I think is more likely, it makes more sense, to me....

I'm probably a little bit mad but don't say anything.

Anyway that's how I tell, I doubt that that information would be of any use to anyone else. but hey....

hard to tell...

Submitted by

Free (21 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 4:02pm.

for me i just base it... the way they walk, clothing, gestures........mmmmmmm??? anymore idea???

even when you're in the gym...its really hard to tell....sometimes i just look directly in their eyes and give them a smile....still ???? is she or not???

....I think mine's is broken....!

Submitted by

WelshChick (309 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 4:48pm.

I have had this conversation many times with both straight and gay friends and I am convinced that my gaydar doesn't work or is broken for some reason. I have straight friends who's gaydar is better than mine. Is this just me or is there anyone else out there who has a broken gaydar. I have tired but you know I can never tell unless it's so obvious they might be as well wear a sign around thier necks....! It's really annoying other people around me can tell and I'm like the last one to work it out. I don't know why...it's not like I am in the closet or anything or don't want anyone to know that I am gay...so what is it was I not meant to have a gaydar.......!

me too

Submitted by

vlada (10 posts)

on April 5, 2007 - 7:38am.

i'm very good at spotting gay men but not in women (unless it's very obvious). women confuse me. and i know i confuse lesbians too.hehe

Pressumed straight until proven gay.

Submitted by

tranl30 (97 posts)

on May 13, 2008 - 12:04am.

As for me, I'm not an openly out person. I know my gaydar would be compared to a broken compass. I just don't go there and think about if "she" is gay, I just assume they're straight. Just to be on the safe side. Before you get all infatuated find out that you read too much into it, so to speak. Straight girls and couples go to gay bars and clubs now so even there it is not a safe place to assume that the person you're approaching will be gay. On so many occasions have I mistaken a girl that I made eye contact being "interested". After I befriend them, not only are they straight, but it's more like they were just curious if they're gaydar was right about me. So now I've adapted that theory that until proven I pressume that the ones that I feel attracted to are straight.

if you know tell me

Submitted by

be25888 (41 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 4:54pm.

my gardar never worked and if someone can really shed the light on how to tell if a girl is gay tell me. i'm not talking about dykes or butches, just femme.

those are the hardest to tell.

yes PLEASE help help help

Submitted by

tess (35 posts)

on March 17, 2008 - 7:09am.

yes PLEASE help help help with recognizing the femmes!

i'm thinking the only way might be to hit on them.

just moved back down to Charleston, SC after living in Chicago for a few years and the gaydar thing is KILLING ME! it was so much easier in the city. here, i feel like i must assume everyone is straight. something along the lines of innocent until proven guilty.

If anyone notices this and knows of any lez hangouts in the Charleston area, holler. I refuse to wade through the straights on vacation and gay boys at the Pantheon.

Charleston hangout

Submitted by

Drinking Coffee... (13 posts)

on May 12, 2008 - 2:23am.

For Tess:

There actually is a lesbian bar in Charleston, the Chart. It is, I believe, off of Montague Ave. But you should be able to look it up. They have a page on Myspace, etc.

The grass may be greener on the other side, but you still have to mow it.

Tell me about it...

Submitted by

tranl30 (97 posts)

on May 13, 2008 - 12:09am.

The ones that are femmes are the ones I am attracted too. Even a sign that they're bi would be fine too.

Mine is somewhere...but we havent met yet ;p

Submitted by

water-fly (158 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 5:07pm.

My gaydar..where is it? Huston, we have a problem..My gaydar is broken too so dont worry Welshchik you're not alone!! ;) Unless it is extremely obvious i cant say if a girl is gay..

#The heart asks pleasure first#

Sometimes you just

Submitted by

Lily WabiSabi (39 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 5:19pm.

Sometimes you just know... And sometimes you don't ;)

-----------------

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Terry Pratchett.

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just closing the italics

Submitted by
Rain (194 posts)
on April 2, 2007 - 1:49pm.

Hope it helps, we shall see.. or it could be an error in the page or something...

Newp, I wonder where they are...

Ah, they are em tags on this board...there we go! you might want to check your signature, unless the error is from the way after ellen processes rich text posts

Um. All lesbians have

Submitted by

Lindsay (Scout) (294 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 8:56pm.

Um. All lesbians have unicorn horns. Duh.

hmmm

Submitted by

Rain (194 posts)

on March 22, 2007 - 11:05pm.

how they walk... their voices... how they look at you, and interact with you as a woman

all the stetrotypes apply, but are just as easily applicable to many straight women, and might not apply to the gay woman you are interacting with...

so.. the little things matter... and gay/bi women will pay attention to other women, like straight women simply do not, no matter how friendly they are...

gaydar comes with time, it is not something we are born with.. or have inatelly

The "how they walk" thing

Submitted by

TheLGirl25 (264 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 10:52am.

What is that ??? I wonder if people know I'm gay because of the way I walk ... no idea. Is it called the lesbian/bi walk ? hehe !! :)

"Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost"

gay women

Submitted by

Rain (194 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 2:29pm.

do not emote, and do not use their body language to attract men... they do it to attract women..

how do lesbians walk?

Submitted by

vlada (10 posts)

on April 5, 2007 - 7:46am.

i walk very fast especially when im alone. like im always in a hurry. i think the hairdo will tell you more if someone is gay or not.

Gaydar Deficiency...Is there a pill for that?

Submitted by

Indie (10 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 12:01pm.

I have AWESOME gaydar....but it only works on boys. I can pick out gays of the male variety from miles away. When it comes to women...no luck. If they aren't decked out it the stereotypical bull dyke attire, then I have no idea. My general rule of thumb is that if I find you attractive, you're totally straight. Cos' that's my life.

Agreed

Submitted by

CollegeGirl (19 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 6:01pm.

Indieflickers wrote:

My thoughts exactly.

me too...

Submitted by

Free (21 posts)

on March 24, 2007 - 2:59pm.

my gaydar for boys is activated by for women??? can't find the switch...

if i like you; you're straight

Submitted by

be25888 (41 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 2:11pm.

I agree with Indie

with my luck all the girls i find attractive are straight and its not fun dating straight girls, they use you and abuse you. to them you're nothing but an "experiment"

lol starting to wonder

Submitted by

AoiSora (114 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 3:27pm.

lol starting to wonder whether the whole 'gaydar' is just a myth since this is the topic where everyone just goes "argh I don't have one!" :P

------------------------------------------------------------

~The blue sky reaches so far that none can escape it~

gaydar myth

Submitted by

erin (4 posts)

on March 23, 2007 - 3:34pm.

well mine seems to work pretty well - there's usually this vibe you get when your around another gay woman - you dont have to acknowledge the fact cos its just kinda there ... but mines just very sensitive i think which is odd cos i'm still quite young really! but some people never properly tune in to their gaydar!

-----------------------------------------------------

I am who I am and really, who cares who I am???

The walkThe clothesThe

Submitted by

Leena (88 posts)

on April 1, 2007 - 4:29pm.

The walk
The clothes
The voice
The way she stands
but above all, it's the vibe

I agree

Submitted by

StonedSoul (109 posts)

on January 4, 2008 - 5:54pm.

It's definitely the vibe... ha.

yeah...

Submitted by

Catherine (9 posts)

on January 4, 2008 - 10:16pm.

I don't think so much that people have broken gaydars, it is that ppl are kinda freaked out when it comes to using their instincts. So I have to totally agree w/ you ladies that it is the viiiibe.

And so what if you kind-of mess up? We are gay, it is what we are...if people react adversivley, they can just get the fuck over it.

BTW, both of you guys are hot.

Ditto on the walk

Submitted by

Dreamcatcher (159 posts)

on April 1, 2007 - 7:50pm.

There's definitely something about the way a girl walks that can tell you if she's gay...i don't know if it's in some way subconcious, completely deliberate or if it's just natural, but i do know that i definitely have a "gay"walk.(don't ask me to define the intrinsical characteristics of it though ). as for clothes, her choice is definitely intentional of course, and will depend on the way she feels most comfortable presenting herself...and i've learnt not to let the way a girl dresses (androgenously/boyishly) lure me into thinking she's gay, i've had my heart broken more than once on account of it. the voice thing isn't working out for me either! lol

Intuition?

Submitted by

Queen Bea (117 posts)

on April 1, 2007 - 8:45pm.

My gf has MUCH better gaydar for women than I do, but she also is more attuned to her instincts, where I tend toward the rational. ...Though my gaydar for men is better than hers, so that blows that theory. And, of course, as my gf likes to point out, when I came out to my family, everyone already knew or at least suspected. Sooooo, apparently, even my straight family has better gaydar than I do. (Or maybe I just wasn't "passing" as well as I thought.)

I wish there were easy answers or tell-tale signs, but there aren't. That's why God invented lesbian bars.

spotting the beauty, huh?

Submitted by

the fallen (40 posts)

on April 2, 2007 - 3:40am.

well, there's no sure fire way to tell but to ask her straight but then again, its awkward and we don't want to be always put in the spotlight, right? anyway, aside from the obvious (looks, clothes, etc.), i think you just "feel" it if she is. as for me, i feel if someone is or is not gay even just by looking at them and even if i haven't talked to them or saw them before. first time impressions i make are mostly always right ( i mean haven't been wronged, yet). i don't know but the way i "feel" if a person is good or bad company is mostly right and it goes the same with telling if someone is gay or straight or in the middle. but hey! that's when friendship comes in. befriend her and find out! ;) but obey the golden rule: don't hurt anyone. ;) ciao!

symbol

Submitted by

Free (21 posts)

on April 4, 2007 - 3:35pm.

it would be easier if we're wearing something that symbolize lesbianism maybe...like tattoo somewhere on your finger, earing on the chin, or whatever. Something that will be recognized all over the world.

what do you think???anybody?

It's the hands.........

Submitted by

newbie (258 posts)

on April 4, 2007 - 4:16pm.

It's the hands. Never fails. I can even tell when a guy is gay. Just by his hands.

manhands!

Submitted by

abbagirl (102 posts)

on April 15, 2007 - 2:30am.

dude. you're kinda on to something. to use a term from seinfeld -- manhands!

rather square fingertips, short nails, rather non-delicate fingers. it's manhands all the way!

at leat 85% of the time, anyway. ;)

-----------------------

you can dance
you can jive
having the time of your life

hands?

Submitted by

be25888 (41 posts)

on April 6, 2007 - 3:14pm.

how it is in the hands???

i doubt i can go up to a girl and ask to see her hands.

just a theory

Submitted by

newbie (258 posts)

on April 6, 2007 - 7:11pm.

No different than a gal or guy checking out the ring finger. Just zero in on the hands. I notice it in film too. Jodie Foster definitely has it. So does Kate Moennig from TLW. Slightly muscular, even if manicured. The rings on the right fingers. No color to the polish. Looks like time spent in the gym, or garden, or a heavy writer or under the car changing the oil. I have the characteristic myself, and I’m very feminine. I was watching the Bad Girls episode when Nikki phoned Helen after they had a fight. Her fingers dialing the numbers on the telephone. Mandana Jones hands are very feminine, long and slender. Blew the illusion that she was a dyke. I don’t know, maybe just in my head, but it’s what I notice first. I’m a hands kinda gal I guess. Funny, cuz it’s looking in a women’s eye that exposes me. All nervous and shit. Can’t shake that…still. Might as well wear a sign.

Her appearance, the way

Submitted by

HypnotiqMystiq (341 posts)

on April 6, 2007 - 4:52pm.

Her appearance, the way she walks, and how she talks, and her vibe. Thats how I can tell. My gaydar is great, but thats not my problem at all. I have a problem with initiating anything, really. When I really like a girl I'm sooooo shy n I never make the first move.

I'm shy too

Submitted by

StonedSoul (109 posts)

on January 4, 2008 - 5:58pm.

I'm kind of shy around initiating anything when I'm attracted to someone too. It's easier online ha. In person I stutter a bit. I also can't really tell if someone is a lesbian or not.

More shy around the girls than the guys...........

Submitted by

tranl30 (97 posts)

on May 13, 2008 - 12:23am.

When it comes to dating men, I don't get knots in my stomach, get all tongue tied, nervous, and weak in the knees, compared to trying to get to know a girl I'm interested in. Even if I know she's straight, the fact that I'm attracted to her I can't seem to be myself.

ditto.

Submitted by

FirstDibs (not verified)

on January 5, 2008 - 3:00am.

I often am sure I know, but can't initiate. (What if I'm wrong? What if she's in a relationship and she thinks I'm pathetic? etc)

BTW for me it's the voice, that's how i can tell. There's this... particular cadence or something. Makes my heart beat faster and my brain get all fuzzy when I hear it. Also the gait (the walk.)

Somewhere else on this thread someone mentions "the way she holds her mouth." I don't know that one at all and it really intrigues me. Anybody care to explain that one?

some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints

How to spot lesbians in public...

Submitted by

sugar_soap28 (45 posts)

on April 9, 2007 - 11:17am.

I agree wíth Danielle,it's an aura we/they have,for sure.My friends say they knew I was a lesbian before I actually came out to them so I must've been exuding something...it's a cliche but hair is often a dead give-away,as is eye-contact between lesbians,like an unspoken acknowledgement.It's weird but at the moment I am soooo not into straight women and it's a relief! Give me a cute baby butch any day! :)

what happens after spotting a lesbian?

Submitted by

gitd (not verified)

on April 14, 2007 - 10:20pm.

some women look like gay but they're actually not.. there is this mom who looks like gay but i can hardly tell because she's with her kids... i wonder why men marry boyish straight women. hmmmm???

i can't simply rely on the looks and actions when it comes to femmes and female-males (how are they called btw, the "not so obvious" ones?)... i prefer to communicate with people whom i suspect to be gay before finally convincing myself they are... of course they can lie.. well, it's not my business to lable people anyway... it's just interesting to know i'm not alone..

when you succeed with this (http://www.365gay.com/health/lovefiles/lovefiles.htm), for example, what usually happens??????

i've never been attracted to a butch (but i can fall in love with nice men like those in the seminary LOL!).. and i've never thought of spotting girly lesbians in public places since i don't look at people's faces but the direction where i'm going to or the things im lookin for when shopping...

i have this "inferiority complex" that people might think i'm a lesbian if i look at women and i often think that they'd look down on me.. i'm really afraid to OUT myself.. has anyone been in this situation?

* the greatest law is not punishable yet rewarding *

ehh...wrong?

Submitted by

snarky (92 posts)

on April 15, 2007 - 1:24am.

hmm. i think i can disprove a few conflicting theories here. I have feminine hands. My fingers tell you I'm straight...maybe Im different...but...to the known world...(im in the closet) no one can tell. however consider this dismaying observation. where as some women here can tell men are gay...one thing I will say is that...gay men seem to know about me...or at least they wonder...and they poke and they prod...maybe this doesn't help at all...but I can tell lesbians try to figure me out too, but they end up deciding that I'm the other... I think it's fun to not follow any catagory...besides read some journals published as of late...most humans experience homosexual tendencies to certain degrees anyway (applies to men too)...

i used to think i had

Submitted by

meah bee (21 posts)

on April 15, 2007 - 4:16am.

i used to think i had horrible gay-dar... but after reading this blog, i feel loads better. thanks peeps. apparently most of us don't really have a clue, maybe just a gut feeling. ohhh that feeling...

i've forgotten what i've started fighting for.

and i have ro crawl upon the floor

or come crashing through the door -

baby, i can't fight this feeling anymore.

- reo speedwagon

No gaydar

Submitted by

Maritza (63 posts)

on June 21, 2007 - 8:31am.

No gaydar whatsover. Zero, Nada. Only for men, which is of no use to me.

Men gaydar only

Submitted by

Bab (1116 posts)

on June 21, 2007 - 12:07pm.

My gaydar seemed to only work on men :-( I never detect any lesbians...maybe there's no gay women around my area at all...that's why I keep falling for straight women. I wish I work and live at West Hollywood. My chances of finding someone would definitely be higher.

surely...

Submitted by

ecosse (57 posts)

on June 21, 2007 - 1:10pm.

...you can tell cause we're all wearing our "I'm Queer, I'm here" sandwich board and ringing our bell? I thought that was policy? Isn't it in the handbook?

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