I'm reading this book called Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality. There's a lot of statistics and stuff that I tend to skip over, but there is plenty of information and lots of stories about both men and women who identify as bisexual that are interesting and definitely things I can relate to - including animosity from the gay/lesbian community. I feel as if the term bisexual is so tainted with pre-formed ideas, past experiences, and fantasies I'm scared to tell people. The lesbians fear me, the old Christian friends think I'm pretty much evil, and way too many guys want a threesome. God. Can I please never hear that question again?

Anyway, the point is everyone should get that book from the library and read it!

I am in your shoes.  I get grief for being bisexual.  I think it's because of the phonies that are out there.  There is a fad of pretending to be bisexual to impress guys (barf!!!).  I think being bisexual is the most difficult thing to be.  You are being pulled in two different directions.  Hugs sweetie.

Izzfizz, I kind of know what you mean. I have a friend who recently came out as bisexual her gay and lesbian friends weren't all that accepting of it.

I think, unfortunately, some of it comes down to the phenomenon of straight women who have lesbian experiences out of curiosity or 'drunkeness', and the girls who experiment with their sexuality and come to the conclusion later that they're straight. I think it's natural to be disappointed when someone you thought was gay turns out to be straight. I know it is for me. I think for some gals, bisexuals might be seen as walking disappointments. Yeah...they say they like girls, but what if they decide they're straight? What if they aren't really a member of the team after all?

It's unfortunate and unfair, and I'm glad that most of the lesbians I've talked to don't seem to feel this way, but I can kind of see where the ideas come from, even if I disagree with them.

I feel really bad, because as much as I try to tell myself different, and as much as I can change myself on the outside about how I feel about bisexual women, I just have a hard time trusting them when it comes to relationships. I don't think that bisexuality is a choice, or that it is a phase, or any of that bullshit; I just develope this overwhelming sense of insecurity when I find myself attracted to a bisexual girl. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I can't stop wondering if she would rather be with a man. Or that she'll get tired of having to deal with all the stress that comes along with being in a lesbian relationship and date a man instead. I've also had girls leave me for men; and it's a horrible feeling. But these problems are on my end, not people who are bisexual. So just be who you are, and fuck everybody else.

I find it disappointing and sad that there is so much hostility towards bisexuals. It's not quite true that the straight community is more accepting of bisexual women. Even if there isn't a huge out cry there's the issue of being rendered invisible. People deal with the aspect of your sexuality that they are most comfortable with while ignoring or forgetting about the rest. As for being a woman who is bi you run the risk of being seen as easy even when before everyone viewed you as being "respectable". You're expected to want to have threesomes and to be sexually available at all times. You're also left with no where to turn to deal with the cycles your sexuality may go through; sometimes you're more into men and sometimes you're more into women. That can be rather nerve racking when you're trying to find some stability. And even if you don't have such cycles you still have the daunting task of trying to explain repeatedly how it is that you can be attracted to both men and women.

I'm aware that there are lesbians who have had their hearts broken by a bisexual woman but bi women who are also looking for a real relationship with a woman also run the risk of being easy targets for so-called straight women who want to "spice" up their sex life. Some women can be deceitful in their intentions but I don't think it's fair to paint all bisexuals with the same brush. Some women are really trying to figure themselves out and are just having a difficult time doing so. We all need a start somewhere and entering the world of same-sex relationships isn't the easiest thing to do. You make mistakes, you stumble along the way and sometimes you figure out that it's just not for you. How can you ever know if you don't try? Some women who feel that they might be bisexual get involved with a woman and realize that they prefer men. If they leave that's their right. It's unfair to expect her to live a lie. Such cases are no different than a woman who is involved with a man coming to the realization that she's a lesbian, decides to be true to who she is and leaves him for another woman. Such women are given merits of honor but when a woman decides to be true to her heart and wants to be with a man she's treated with scorn. It's assumed that she wants the privilege of a straight relationship but the thought seems to never come up that maybe she really loves this man. Why is there this big difference between being left for a man compared to being left for another woman? Is there some invisible battle going on between men and lesbians that bisexual women need to know about? Is it ever possible that the experience that she had with another woman was just bad? Just because two women decide to have a relationship it doesn't mean that it's an automatic match made in heaven. Not every woman is a good lover to another woman. Sometimes things just don't work out and when they don't it shouldn't immediately be blamed on the bisexuality of the other.

I find that my lesbian friends are more hostile than my straight friends about bisexuality. I'm bisexual and yet all my lesbian friends will always call me a lesbian and most of them don't even think bisexuality exists. It's kind of annoying.

Anyone else find that lesbians can sometimes be the most hostile towards bisexuality?

It's not hostility at bisexuality, more it's a frustration with a bisexual's lack of understanding as to what a serious emotional, physical, social and political statement coming out is.

Saying that you are bisexual in American culture puts barely anything at risk. Saying you are gay or lesbian or transgender puts everything at risk. That kind of self-realization colors and transforms everything in your life and the way the entire world looks and interacts with you forever and ever - amen.

It's a serious case of apples and oranges. Once you tell your family that you're a lesbian, the lines are drawn. Tell your family that you're a bisexual, unless you're coming from an ultra-strict, super traditional background, you're hardly going to experience more than a shrug.

I've never heard of anyone getting tossed out on the street for being a bisexual, have you?

I've never heard of anyone committing suicide because they couldn't handle the idea of being bisexual, have you?

I'm sure it's happened somewhere but the gravity of the two situations aren't comparable. Hence the frustration.

Bisexuality is definitely more appealing to straight people...especially parents...because if you tell them you're bi...that atleast think you have "hope"

i can understand gays baggin on bi girls for the fact that there are girls that really do consider themselves bi but what they do is just fool around with girls until their "dream guy" comes around.....i know that when i first started having thoughts about my sexuality i thought that'd be awesome...fool around with girls when you're bored when there's no men in your life

then i realized men suck

and that i was slightly evil...

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"Valentine's Day's coming? Aw crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!"- Fry

Enough already!! I’m bored!!

Most people are bisexual and just because we live in a homophobic and sexphobic world where things must be black or white to be comprehended doesn’t mean any of us have to partake in this “race” to achieve exact and permanent definition of one’s sexual orientation.

Any lesbian that has a problem with bi women, first and foremost has a problem with herself and the world around her, and I would not want to date someone like that anyway.

Yey to all the lesbians that appreciate bi women in all their variations (cause we are not all the same) and Boo to the rest…get some therapy!! 

they're NOT actually hostile, they're just confused and they don't like to think :D some people tend to be extremists. i always hear people say "if you can't be/look a girl then be/look like a boy" because gender roles are important in asian culture - a double standard belief that i think is unfair.

i guess people hate bisexuals because they are most likely to swing! ..and maybe it's risky

* complex as it seems, life is simply amazing *

But fail!!!! I personally feel like a lot of the lesbians who dislike bi-women just hate men. I've noticed that when lesbians complain about bisexuals it's always about men, men men men men facking men >_<. I think they need to resolve their man issues because let's be serious if you are sleeping with a bisexual woman you are not sleeping with the men she's been with. Some lesbians need to get over this thing they have with penis, if you do not see it, it's not there. If she leaves you for a man, it's not you, it's her, once again the "man" thing pops up. I'm starting to see a pattern.

Besides as a lesbian/queer lady, I love women if you are straight, my thing is "how do I get you to be bi, heck heteroflexible ^_^? This whole "in" to be bisexual, I do not get it's not a fad and not the 70s early 80s. It's a serious journey of sexuality we all go through and it's not like you are investing in a pair of leg wamers that you hope will come back in style in 5 years because you spent $50 on them at some chic shop to be cool. It's about love people, love.

"I've always believed that one's sexual orientation was genetic and now scientists are starting to find out that is so.  That being the case...being bi is no more a choice than being totally straight or totally gay.

I'm not on the road to being a lesbian, I'm equally attracted to men and women.  There is no choice for me anymore than there's a choice for you."

This, at least, gives them something to think about.

Peace, Joy and Love

I realize this is a grand ol' stab at things, but, from what I've noticed, the primary bulk of people that are the most hostile towards bisexuality have had their hearts broken by a bisexual in the past. I know I have and now I'm just a bit more cautious when it comes to bisexuals (honestly, no offense to anyone that is bi - it's just a defense mechanism that I AM trying to ease up on).

Just sayin'.

"GET RID OF MEANING. YOUR MIND IS A NIGHTMARE THAT HAS BEEN EATING YOU: NOW EAT YOUR MIND." --Kathy Acker

I agree that there is a lot of hostility for bisexual women, but I feel like it can come from both people who identify as straight or gay. I think a lot of people assume your sexual preferences by the way you dress and the things you like to. In many of my experiences, I feel like people think only gay and straight people exist. As a bisexual woman, I feel it very difficult to imagine people only liking men or women...and then take it toother areas as certain class, ethnicity, physical ability. Although I'm not attracted to everyone, as some stereotypes suggest about bisexuals, I could be attracted to any "type" of person. I think many straight people like to assume the world is all straight and speak as if the world is straight (i.e. I bet the men would have liked to see her skirt tucked in her panties). Like other people have mentioned in this forum, I believe that sexuality is fluid and that anyone could be attracted to and/or love anyone.

I have gotten a lot of support from all of my lesbian and gay friends about being bisexual, and I feel as though they accept my sexuality and understand that I love women, but I'm not straight or gay...And they totally accept that. Actually, one of my bisexual friends said something like "it's more wrong and dirty to sleep with both a man and woman at the same time. You're either fu**ing men or women, but never bot sexes." For her it would be worse to have a girlfriend and cheat on her with a man than to cheat with a woman. To me, if couple chooses to be in a monogamous relationship, cheating is not good either way. I think this is an example of the pressures bisexual women feel to belong to the "straight" or "gay" world.

Out of my other 4 bisexual friends, we all pretty much feel the pull to be labeled as either or: straight/gay.I believe that we get the most support from our queer counterparts because they accept part of us that many straight people don't even though they sometimes hold stereotypes about bisexuals as indecisive beings. But, my friends know that's not the case. I know exactly what I want, and sometimes I don't know I want it until I see it.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Bisexual is a word that means too many things. Or rather people use the word in too many ways.

Being bisexual doesn't make you biemotional.(bi-emotional)

As far as I'm concerned "bisexual person" - i.e. "a bisexual" should just mean a person who experiences hetero and homo sexual impulses. In truth that's probably nearly everyone.

Most of the women who identify as bisexual on this forum appear to be biemotional to me. By that I mean they can be romantically attracted to other women as well as men. Women who're just sexually attracted to other women and enjoy lesbian sex for it's own sake, who nevertheless feel no real emotional feelings for women that are in any way comparable to the romantic feelings they have towards men, or a man, are unlikely to join this forum.

Anyone who is sexual with men and women is perfectly entitled to call themselves bisexual. Anyone who is aware of their hetero & homo sexual impulses & is willing to admit to them is perfectly entitled to call themselves bisexual too, Whether they act on those diverse sexual impulses or not. But that does not have to mean they are emotionally, romantically, attracted to both sexes. A lot of bisexual people only ever, or nearly only ever, fall in love with people of the same sex or people of the other sex.

When looked at from this point of view it becomes apparent that a significant number of people who do not identify as bi, but instead identify as straight, or gay, or lesbian, are in fact bisexual.

A lot of hostility directed at people who identify as bisexual is in fact internalized oppression. Biphobes are often bisexual people who have made a choice in their minds to be one or the other. To take sides. They think "Bi's" should do so as well.

It is my belief that any lesbian, or gay, or straight person, who is really truly comfortable and secure in their own sexuality is highly unlikely to be in the least bit hostile towards a bi identified person. They are certainly highly unlikley to be so foolish as to try to pretend we do not really exist.

Biphobia is every bit as bad as homophobia. They are both caused by a fear of sexuality itself and the fear of freedom. The most homophobic people are often closet cases.So are biphobic people. Homophobic people are biphobic as well. So gay/lesbian people do themselves no favours by oppressing bi people & telling us to "make up your mind".

"Homosexuality was invented by a straight world dealing with its own bisexuality." --Kate Millett

What did she really mean?

Well I interpret as meaning "If everyone identified as bisexual, at least in principle, then the world would be a much happier place."

So anyway. Internalized Oppression. That's what I think it is. You have a go at me for being bi and I'm going to suspect you are insecure in your own sexuality.

Well, to put it bluntly, who else can the gays bash?

"Those damn heterosexuals..." just doesn't work.  Everyone needs something to criticise, bisexuality just happens to be bashable.

That, and the concept that there's like an "us and them" situation between hetero and homo.  If you're bi you're like the French in WW2 who just sat around and didn't pick a side.

I´ve kinda lost it trying to read this thread, it´s all over the place, with tons of posts deleted...

I stopped identifying as a lesbian about 5 yrs ago, as bisexual about 8, I now only refer to myself as a lesbian when politically necesary, when I get the feeling someone might not understand, and as an excuse to fend off drunk guys. I define myself as bisexual only when I see the baffled look on peoples face when having assumed that I am a lesbian, they realize I am attracted to guys. I am not about to go into the fluid sexuality or no labels discourse. I have no f*cking clue as to what my preference is, and I am not confused, I am all over the place tastewise but I am not a cheater or a heartbreaker. I am just another product of post-postmodern thought, generation nintendo and endless hours of conversations,sex and soda.

I have to be honest , I tend to believe only 50% of the people that tell me they are str8 or gay and nothing else. I can only hope we are all a bit more perverse than that. I see and understand the terrible hostility towards bisexuals from the gay community, and do believe it is simply based on insecurity and fear. In the larger scheme of things I do however think that fractional battles(for any preference) are much less pressing when politically we have the obligation to maintain one united front to achieve the greater good of equality,justice and visibility. As long as we find a way to live with eachother and our differences within our limited social context, in recognition of each individual persuasion. I say LGBTQ is the way to go, now if that were a pronouncable word and not just an acronym I might just define myself as that.

 Am I making any sense?It's sooo late, again. I should probably start posting earlier, since my comments tend to cause no kind of conversation, probably due to my bad english and constant senselessness.

http://comadotcom.blogspot.com

I'm bisexual, but I don't like identifying as such for this very reason.

I find myself much more attracted to women, and I truly believe I will end up with a woman. However, a couple times in my life, I have had strong feelings for a man. This is really the only reason that I identify as bisexual in the first place. I don't want to come out as a lesbian, then have to take it back once I find the "right guy", and perpetuate the idea that women are confused about their sexuality.

I just think love is too important to place restrictions on it. Love is supposed to be unconditional. If I fall in love with someone...that's it for me. I can't even imagine being with anyone else.

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let's just pretend i said something constructive and intelligent.

fostered by extreme confusion.

First, I think the solution is to stop letting preconceived notions rule how you deal with people. Stop worrying about what she's done in the past, what someone else has done to you and what you're afraid is going to happen. If she's really attracted to you and wanting to pursue a relationship with you, have some confidence in yourself. Actually take time to get to know her and have honest discussions about what she wants from a relationship and what you can provide.

I really don't get the fear of being left for a man. Getting your heart broken sucks period; no matter who or why. I can see how it would create some feeling of inadequacy; but maybe it would be better to discuss this with her before hand rather than just dismissing her all together

Everybody can pick up a dictionary and find out what a bisexual is. When we move from theory to human interaction things get complicated. There are certain people that no one wants to get involved with. Namely, women who only want a sexual relationship with other women because they can't handle intimacy with a woman or they're just more attracted to men. I hope everyone realizes that all bisexuals don't fall into that category; but knowing that still doesn't stop us from being wary of bisexuals because of these women.

bisexuals are unfortunately often given thought of badly because of the stereotypes people adopt the label and abuse it and then change their minds (i.e. decide that they're either straight or gay).

I think bisexuals are great, but I'm always a little skeptical when I first meet one, just simply because there are some girls who just use the title for attention or because they are going through a phase, and I'm still young enough that I'm dating people who are potentially that immature.

If I were to start dating a girl right now who was bisexual, I know that, personally, I might have some jealousy issues when guys are around... because I don't understand straight flirting AT ALL. I never have. so yes my ignorance would probably cause me to make untrue assumptions... and I would be SO insecure if I got dumped for a guy omg you don't even know....

ultimately: hardcore bi's rock.

Code3 (and others) were nice enough to address some of these issues in the "Bisexual Bias" thread. :)

mmmm.......redheads.. :wink:

sorry to fall off subject. although the subject of redheads might be an interesting forum topic of its own :wink: ...i guess i just have a hard time understanding resentment in itself of any nature of human emotion. although i live in santa cruz and have spent a consiterable amount of time in the city (san fransisco), im not a rainbow trooper and dont advertise myself as so and that being said, ive never felt any effects of being treated with any bias due to being "bisexual". so i dont have the experience to comment on any peticular treatment of one person by another when it comes to that subject. but i do know what i feel and where i've been. and through my experience there are many possible reasons for any given person to be/choose bisexuality. ive known some girls who were just bored, and some girls who downright just liked to get off by any and different means, nevermind which sex fell prefference. the complexity of human emotion and attraction and how it connects to reason and intent leaves me to just accept our differences, even if i never understand it all. personally, and mind you im an honest human, i have been atracted to, and even fallen in love with(as far as i can understand love) both boys and girls. i think if one can find love, then who cares what body it comes in. attatching rules to finding love? haha....

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i think negetive feelings come from being blinded by what you think you know...and not knowing the whole truth. i agree with the idea that its easier for bisexuals(girls esp.) to be accepted in any given situation. then again it might be easier for you to have to come out everyday than to, say, live life as a burn victem. everybody has their fight. and as for not feeling as deeply, or falling back to being "strait", im inclined to believe that has more to do with a persons character than theyre sexuality.

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well, i apologize. im lost somehow. i thought i was being direct. but i could be wrong. no offence meant, friend.

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